Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

[fixatedplanet]

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

There’s plenty that decent so-called coparent can do

So what else should he actually have done

Yes the mum should have been a decent co parent

The division of assets should’ve been evenly split. We don’t know if that happened I presume.
Following that, again as I say I’m not expecting this man to handover everything that he earns for somebody else to decide how it’s allocated as resources to the children.
However, you can acknowledge that your ex-wife has made sacrifices to her career if there’s a disparity in income and you can even that up with child support
I always say anybody that has to go to the child maintenance service to calculate what you’re paying for your own children is a loser
It’s embarrassing that the government body has to tell you to support your own child.
No matter where that child is whether it’s with the grandparents the mother the father, the facts are for 50% of the time they ain’t with you
So they need to support.
I just can’t imagine it if my children were spending 50% of their time in a shit neighbourhood or in bad accommodation I’d be modified
If they were only having holidays with me and the other party was never getting to spend any leisure time or enjoyable activities with their child then you aren’t paying enough child support.

I am pretty sure the OP has said she got a larger percentage of the assets
I think this was 70%

So it has already been dealt with

But again that doesn’t help with day to day expenses does it?
As an example, I got a chunk of the pension. Great, needed it. It was built-up whilst I was effectively contributing to it.
However, I can’t access it 😂
And it isn’t putting food on the table when petrol has gone up by 100%

She could just as easily stop paying her share...

But she only needs to put food on the table 50% of the time. She had the CB for 2 kids, and she has a job, and has a bigger proportion of assets from the divorce than the ex (pension aside... literal assets are house / cars / savings etc).

Why would he be paying for her groceries when the kids are with him? 🙄

This all started because he can afford nice holidays... and she's a horrible greedy jealous person.

"Well, that says a lot about you as a person"

You cannot divorce from someone yet still benefit from them as if you were still married, that is not how life works! If they split their assets at the point of divorce there isn’t much you can do to keep living the life you feel you are owed. Basically you are advocating for forced continuation of a marriage where neither party can ever actually leave or have a clean financial break. You are advocating something terrible that would end up with a lot of women murdered by men over money.

Exactly... I could understand if the OP had the kids more than the father but she doesn't. She already had CB for both kids, which he could have fought in the beginning but he didn't. She took more assets upfront to make up for the sarnings difference.

She's now basically saying that the ex should pay for her holidays 😂 Its comical

Where are you that petrol has gone up by 100%? In my local garage it's gone up from 127.7 to154.7 since the Iran war but that's not anywhere near 100%

Apart from for his children he doesn’t need to fund or provide for her home.

At some points adults have to fund themselves even women funnily enough.

You want marriage perks be married. 😂

He doesn’t need to cover the OP’s cost of going on holiday. He needs to cover the cost of the child going on holiday with the OP to even things up.
She can pay for her own holiday
But there’s no reason why he can’t pay a contribution towards the child going on holiday

For god sakes if your fuel has gone up so has his.
Everyone costs have gone up. One of my neighbours is going to Disney with their kids we can't afford that - that's life. I can't moan and expect others to financially support me because they have more.

Unless you had a child with your neighbour and that they are the biological parent in which case we have more questions
Then actually, yes, you can ask for that

No reason why he can't pay... sure
But absolutely no reason why he SHOULD HAVE TO pay. They are divorced years, she doesn't get to continue to reap the benefits of having a husband.

He takes the kids on holidays during his access time. The kids aren't going without.

He pays for the holidays he takes them in. She pays for the holidays she takes them on. What can't you understand about that simple concept

And who benefits from that and what mother would do it ?

The obvious course of action is to pop in to the neighbours and ask them to also pay for your holiday....because y'know apparently that's normal 🙄😂

Oh, I’m perfectly aware of the concept
However, the child maintenance is to even up the lifestyle which part of that concept are you struggling with?
It’s why many people with 50-50 doing in fact still find themselves liable via the child maintenance service
You really shouldn’t be resisting this. You never know when you might find yourself in the situation. Smug marrieds around the world get their smile wiped off their face every day.

But the point is they are equal parents and have been for the last 4.5yrs. Who benefits if the dad just stopped paying like you suggested and why would he do that? It's no different what your anatomy is.

Are you sleeping with and producing children withyour neighbours as well ? This is far more prevalent than I thought.

She had children with her ex

The divorced -

Dad and mum share care 50/50, they shared extra costs 50/50
Mum had a bigger split of the divorce financial split
Both pay for everything kids need when with them
Until recently mum also had CB ontop

In far as money goes they no longer are tied at all. So there is no need for him to financially support her any more than my neighbour needs to financially support me

However, legally that is not true so that’s that
But do knock the neighbours door and see if they’ll take you to Disney. It’s worth a try especially if you’re shagging them.