Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

[fixatedplanet]

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

Oh sorry, I thought you were just suggesting that anyone with more money and absolutely zero ties to me anymore should be paying for my holidays... just because they can and because I'm a greedy entitled bitch I should ask for it.

Because legally in the case of 50/50 no maintenance is due

The law is not in agreement with the OP which is why she is worse off for kicking the hornets nest

You are incorrect. Go on Google it
From the CSM website;
However, child maintenance may still be payable if there is a significant income disparity
all this woman has asked for is for the law to be implemented and as is often the case it hasn’t been.
Which is not something any of us should be condoning
That’s my final word on the matter
I feel very sorry for the OP

But the fact that it's going to tribunal (and as far as I am aware most tribunals rule in favour of no CMS for 50/50) just shows that it isn't the law.

CMS is a software application and they don't have the authority to overrule it without court orders. I'm surprised the OPs ex didn't just submit the divorce decree that states no maintenance payable.

The significan income disparity was dealt with in their divorce though. And that's what will crucify her... in the meantime she'll waste time and legal costs and ryin the xo-parenting relationship all because she's greedy

I won’t find myself in the position of asking for a paid holiday if I get divorced.

I earn more than my partner and would have absolutely no need for him to fund my lifestyle.

That option remains available to women.

So the previous poster who went through this exact same situation is wrong?
Okay then

Well.i feel sorry for the ex and the children

In this case the kids were still getting go to on holiday but mum was jealous she wasnt getting the same luxury trip. The kids still went. No kids missed out. She missed out because she can’t get her hands on more of his money.

many men already think women see them as walking cash machines who owe them a certain lifestyle. There are things you can do as a woman to protect yourself before having children, it’s best to educate women on those rather than advocating to become a leech after the event.

And now we have it, enforcing our legal rights makes us leeches.
How far we have come

The legal rights in this instance are with the father.

If a NR parent isn't caring and financially supporting their kids the Law supports the RP as it should.

In this case the law will be on the father's side because the situation is very very different

Theres only an argument for dad paying towards OPs holidays if the disparity were so much that the children would feel unhappy, eg if they were in luxury at dads and abject poverty at mums. But she's on 60k, and was set up with a greater amount from the divorce. She is in a position to take them on holiday, it might not be as fancy as dad's but if she can afford holidays and a few treats the courts won't be interested.
If she wanted a truly even experience she would have had to stay married to him.

Mumsnet really needs a facepalm reaction

£60,000 is object poverty in some situations.
If he’s the Crown Prince of Brunei, then the kids are literally living in the equivalent of poverty, probably worse than that.
As for should’ve stayed married to him - that may not have been her choice.
And we certainly don’t want people staying married for the wrong reasons now do we?

No we don't, but we also have a system in the court for a clean break and the finances to be dealt with as part of that, and the OP was clear she got what she was rightfully expecting to get. And sorry but if you think 60k and a greater split of the house is on the breadline then I think you're very out of touch.

He isn't the crown prince of Brunei so I don't think your argument hold weight in this situation

The problem with people like the OP and yourself targeting and going after involved and responsible parents is that it does not benefit the RP and children from situations where a NRP skirts and avoids their responsibilities. It only causes people to think that some mothers are unreasonable and gready
It creates sympathy towards the fathers

We know in reality some fathers are freckles and some are excellent and everything in-between

And the same is true for mothers

OP I commend you for coming back and updating the thread as it will help people moving forward.

What obligations does he have to support her then?

Worth it OP? Silly move on your part.

I've just spent far too long reading that thread someone linked to earlier, and its predecessor, and oh my God. That is an absolutely awful situation. Learn from it, OP... it seems there is never going to be absolute fairness (perhaps there never is with any parenting) but it's always possible to make things much, much worse.

This generation is so cooked.
Imagine if previous generations are just thrown their hands up in the air and said it could always get worse. Let’s not ask for our legal position to be upheld. Having had laws changed at great sacrifice.
There could be fairness, commenting to the OP learn from it that you should’ve given up earlier is a defeatist attitude thankfully not everybody has and you’ll all benefit from other people’s bravery.

Whether you deserve to or not.

Why are you deliberately ignoring all of the facts here?

OP took 70% of the marital assets in the divorce
Care is shared 50/50
Shared and additional costs are paid by the Father
CB has been paid for both children to the OP
The OP is a higher earner. £60k being about £20k more than the national average.

This wasn't enough for the OP and she wants more.

What does 'fair' look like to you, haystackhunting?

Oh sorry! I also forgot the £800 per month voluntary child support payment from the father to the OP

I'll bet my house that if her ex had to stop working because of ill health, and his income dropped drastically, OP wouldn't be happy to give HIM a monthly sum to make their incomes equitable !!

Progress was getting to a place where women can make their own money and having children isn't a bar to employment, and where both parents and expected to contribute equally to a child's upbringing. We are not going to "progress" to a place where a man is beholden to pay for the lifestyle of his ex-wife for her whole life, because that's ridiculous.