AIBU to feel hurt that my in-laws want to exclude me from the celebratory promotion dinner for my husband?

[OneFirmBlueShaker]

Hi all, looking for some perspective on a situation with my husband's parents. My husband and I dated for 9 years before getting married 6 years ago - we've been together since I was 19 and he was 23, no kids. He just got a huge promotion and I'm so proud - I've been his number one support system, standing by him since we were both struggling and starting out in our careers. We had a clear agreement that I'd take on more household duties so he could focus on his career (I was working full-time too, but we decided together this was the best approach for us). I sacrificed a lot to help him get there, including date nights and time together.

His parents want to take him out for dinner to celebrate... and I'm not invited. I feel hurt and excluded, like they're overlooking my part in his success. When he said he wouldn't go without me, his mum said "A son is a son til he takes a wife" and "God forbid a son is just a son for one evening and goes to a celebratory dinner without his wife with his parents for one evening". Basically implying we're being unreasonable. My husband stood up for me, saying "Mom, Dad, it's not about me going to dinner without Kate - it's about celebrating my promotion with my partner. We're a team, and her support is what helped me get here. Excluding her feels like you're not acknowledging that."

Here's the thing - they've always included me in everything, treats us like a married unit, equal birthday gifts, Christmas, etc. I thought they saw me as a daughter. I'm hurt because it feels like they're suddenly excluding me now, when it matters most. This promotion affects our daily life as a couple, besides just my husband. I can't imagine if the roles were reversed and we'd said "FIL, we'll take you out for his birthday, but MIL, you can't come" .

What stings even more is that MIL and I are usually super close - I probably text her more than my husband does 😅. Given our relationship, you'd think she'd reach out to clear the air, especially after my husband told them how hurt I was. Feels like they're doubling down on being hurtful rather than caring about my feelings. Am I being unreasonable to expect to be included in this celebration?

Imagine being unpleasant without trying and thinking that is the norm.

Are you ok?

I’m fine thanks. I see you’re still being cruel to a complete stranger on the internet. Take care.

Why are you following me about this thread telling me how unpleasant you think I am?

I get that you don’t like my view on the matter, but honestly, let it go. Why are you so bothered?

Some people just can't help themselves being hypocrites

Ah, it's just you seem upset and a bit obsessed with mine and Vivi0s posts.

I haven't posted anything since yesterday despite you repeatedly quoting me. I didn't feel I needed to reply to you. Don't know what you're on about.

I think the reason they don't want you there is because dh's promotion involves him moving... and it seems you've buried that within the many messages as a subtle drip feed.... is it also moving country? If so, please share the drip feed.

What does the promotion involve? How is this promotion any different to the job he does now. Please elaborate and explain? Has he become a partner in an e.g. American owned company, that involves you moving to America? There must be more to this??

I know.

Following me about 😂

I genuinely have no idea what is so funny?

I’m not engaging with that poster, yet she keeps quoting me telling me how unpleasant I am.

A bit like you, actually.

It’s always the same when you’re late to a thread and most reasonable posters have lost interest and the only ones left are the self appointed guard dogs, who just repeat the same things over and over again.

Following you about a thread? I just noticed your replies today. Have I replied to you before today? Sorry I can’t remember. I just reply to, what are in my opinion, unpleasant posts. Sorry you’ve taken my replies personally.

Maybe you should let that go?

I’m sorry you feel targeted by someone who has never noticed you before today. 😬

Satinpajamas has used the support emoji on this post. It’s getting used the way the laughing one was. Sad people.

Said by the same poster who is berating others for being unpleasant.

What was unpleasant about it?

He’s not moving at the moment, however it could be a possibility in the future. Not sure why him moving if he was at the moment means I wouldn’t be invited? I don’t want to give the name of the company away but it’s a finance complaint he got promoted in and we live in the US and if he does have to move in the future it will be someplace across country within the US

🤣. I honestly didn’t notice this person until today!

I don’t think the poster you’re castigating has actually replied on the thread. That’s what’s funny. Though maybe not as your replies are seriously “main character syndrome”.

@OneFirmBlueShaker
So what did his mother say when he asked her after work?
Unless I’ve missed it, I don’t think you’ve said

It’s not for you to tell them what they should and should not talk about if you’re not there. If she wants to discuss something like children or a potential move with her son, without you breathing down his neck, she can.

Look who's being unpleasant now!

You really need to drop the holier than thou attitude. You're thoroughly enjoying needling at posters it's plain as day.

Yes but not during a celebratory meal for the guy's promotion! I mean look at the issues that's caused between mother and son already, he's hardly going to be in a listening frame of mind.

Take care. Xx

Sorry mum! 🤭

it was more a general comment. I actually think MIL has made a mistake here, this was not the occasion to die on this particular hill. But the OP has basically said the parents have no right to discuss children/moves with him if she’s not there. And I don’t agree with that.

I disagree we are married and a move effects me just as much as it does him this should be discussed together and again I’m not sure why when as his wife I will be a part of this move this has to be some secret conversation