Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

Honestly, no... it's clear throughout your entire thread that you are angry, selfish and entitled. Not surprised.

You get to do what you want with your own money and your parents are entitled to do the same. They have worked for what they've got and it's not unreasonable for them to want to invest their own money in comfortable retirement.

You are not a dependant child, you are an adult with adult responsibilities. Your parents owe you nothing.

It's easy to say you what you would do in a situation you aren't in. It's also easy to be generous with other people's money.

Your circumstances sound fairly normal for a young family and you should consider yourself fortunate to be able to get a mortgage to buy your own home.

One day, you will be in the same position as your parents and you will be able to make your own choices about how you live your retirement.

@BudgetBuster why are you ‘not surprised’?

@RodneysGotaNewHairdo well actually they inherited what they’ve got!

Hi, Just wanted to say I know exactly where you are coming from - it's not so much that you think you should have the money but more that we know we would give our children money in this situation. If my house was expensive and big enough, I would be more than happy to downsize to free up a little money for the kids so you wonder why your parents wouldn't do the same!

I think it's because we know hardship whereas they have no idea what it's like to worry each month.

Thanks for the reply, OP.

I see your parents investing rather than spending. The money isn’t gone; it just isn’t accessible to you right now.

@LilacReader yes that’s the thing, I would never think they should downsize personally but to up size and spend another 100k just because….

I was referencing your comment where you said that YOU were surprised. That isn't one bit clear from your entire thread.

You haven't worded anything that shows surprise
Just utterly greed and disdain for your parents.

@poetryandwine I see that, but what’s the point in it when I’m a pensioner. That’s really what I’m saying here. They don’t need it and it’s unlikely we will by their age either

@BudgetBuster oh I see. Well you’re entitled to your opinion, that’s what the thread is for.

I totally agree. They've benefitted financially from the financial and political circumstances they've lived in. It hasn't been there financial acumen as opposed to your lack of it that has meant they are more deserving of lots of space in their retirement than their grandchildren are deserving of space and debt free parents. I completely agree with you, incredibly selfish. But judging by the comments here most people are. a product of the politics of the last 60 years or so.

It's still their money. They don't owe any of it to you. They have already given you a very generous start in life, so be grateful instead of putting your hand out for more and feeling resentful because you're not getting it.

You are an adult. Act like one.

Like I get it... It would be a nice thing for them to share the wealth while they can and see it "in action" in future generations. And I agree that I would like to think DH & I would share and gift what we could in our retirement to our kids. But they want to spend their money how they wish.

I am just gobsmacked at your sense of entitlement, particularly when you have already received a very substantial gift from them. Perhaps of you don't want to pay for a mortgage going forward, you should downsize be move to a less preferable area.

To keep you out of a small, one room accommodation in a grim council funded care home?

Private fees will be somewhere in six figures for the basics in a decent place. Annually. Before a single treat, and I use the word loosely.

Gently, if you are struggling now why do you think you will have on the order of £2M for old age without waiting for the biggest inheritance you can get?

It'll be interesting to see how many people follow through on their plan to downsize to release cash for their children's house deposits. Because I suspect when the time comes in 20 or 30 years many simply won't do so.

And I also suspect many find that it doesn't actually release as much cash as they hoped because smaller houses like bungalows usually come at a premium that isn't all that less than a standard family home. Then they are the legal fees, moving fees and refurbishment costs as well. Not even that, we don't know what the state of the housing market will be by the time our children come to buy anyway.

You’re going to be fabulously wealthy one day. But you’re going to have to learn to be patient.

Deserving? What the actual heck. You do not deserve anyone else's money. Also get over this idea that you have it harder. Quality of life today is so much higher than even when I was a kid, never mind what my parents went through. I'm astonished by this thread, so many self-righteous and entitled comments.

Well you should be delighted that they are so wealthy and have 3 other properties which will mean your children never have to have a mortgage themselves seeing as you are going to hand over your inheritance directly to your children so all is good, your children will benefit which is exactly what you want for them apparently.

You don't actually need the money now, do you? You're a 2 income family, and it's clear that you're on relatively high rather than low incomes, and you own your own home (with a mortgage, like almost every single home-owner of your ages).
I can think of rather a lot of people who could really, really do with some of your parents' money if there's any to spare. Like people who are unfortunate enough to live in Gaza, just as one out of many, many examples. I imagine that, despite not being related to your parents, they've done just as much as you have to deserve a hand-out from them, and would put it to much better use.
This thread is a real rallying cry for those who would like to raise inheritance tax rather than abolish it.

Hey maybe not. That's not always how it pans out. Living life now is also as important. Do things live for today OP is all about getting her hands on their money now , not so bothered about their welfare

LOL. Funny how that, and other drip feeds, didn't get a mention in the opening post.
Are you playing Boomer Bingo? I think Cruises are the next on the list.

I would want to help them, I'd expect them to work hard as well.

Apologies if I have missed you answering this but what do you expect them to do? Is it to give you an allowance to make life easier each month? Is it to give you a lump sum to pay down your mortgage?
You say you are struggling, can you define what you mean? Are you having to use food banks? Are you in increasing debt each month? Are you able to meet your obligations but not much spare money for holidays?
Do your parents currently do anything to help financially? Buy shoes or coats for the kids? Take you away for family holidays?

Good one!