Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

Sorry but I think you are an absolute fool, talk about setting yourself on fire to keep others warm, you will be wearing hair shirts next and also your son in law could take half the money you have given them if they split up, an incredibly foolish move on your part.

You have said exactly what I wanted to say a long time ago.

Haven't managed to read all the comments but wanted to put in a comment in support of your parents upsizing. This means that there's £100k extra that becomes part of their home. So worst case scenario, as they age and need more care, should they run out of money and the local council needs to give them help (care in the home or care for one of them elsewhere) that's an extra £100k that will be disregarded as assets to pay for their care. They won't make your parents sell the house unless neither of them are living there anymore and both are in a care home.
So potentially there's a bigger estate for you to inherit one day.
Just a thought.

I feel so sorry for this poster - her kids have put their needs ahead of their mother's - they have agreed to her moving into a tiny bedsit in an unsafe area - I would not agree to be the cause of that happening to anyone I know especially my mother - I don't know how those healthy young adults can live with themselves, they certainly don't care about their mother - what a pair of greedy vultures!

@RupertTheBlackCat

good grief, you sound like a bit of a martyr! You matter too, you know? You’ve worked hard all your life…why not enjoy a more comfortable retirement?

In my experience. It's always the people who don't have money who say they know they would absolutely share if they had some . Fairly easy to say when you're not rich .

it sounds like your parents educated you and gifted you a sizeable deposit but here you are annoyed that they're not giving you more money.. at want point do you feel they've given you enough.. .

I am 60. I work full time and I also do my elderly Fathers laundry and cleaning. I do not consider myself to be old. I live in a 5 bedroomed house, with a big garden and I am very happy to live here. No one has given us a penny and we have worked very hard to get here. You seem to imply your parents should be sacrificing what they want to do, to make your life easier. They have an awful lot of life to live and deserve to enjoy it. Meanwhile enjoy everything you have and try to better your lives, without expecting someone else to do it for you.

Let’s look at your preference as a % of average wages.

In 1970, average gross weekly wages for men and over 21 were £28 and £14, respectively. Even if a household had two earners, which was rarer, the average weekly wage was £42 for a gross annual wage of £2184 or £182/month. Before taxes.

The average house cost about £11,500 and required a 5% deposit. Even with a big deposit you would have around a £10,000 mortgage. A15% interest rate means annual payments of £1500 or monthly payments of £125. That mortgage payment is 68.6% of the gross household pay.

Now for your modern example: Numerous online banking guides inform me that usually you can only get a mortgage for 5x household salary, let’s make it 6 to favour you.

In your example of a £300K mortgage, then, gross salary is at least £50K, monthly salary is at least £4167. At 5%, payments are approximately £15,000 per year or £1,250 per month. Mortgage payments are just under 30% of gross household pay. Less than half the 1970 example.

I do agree with you that the rental market, housing market and employment market are broken. It absolutely sucks.

My goodness let them live their lives . You are entitled to nothing and should be supporting yourself. Grow up. Respect them.

What a disgusting thing to say…….i see the boomer bashing brigade have crawled out of the woodwork again…..

Your math on the monthly repayments is fair, but it misses the deposit factor. Saving £500 in 1970 was a different world compared to saving say £30,000–£50,000 today, all while paying record high rents. The 1970s struggle was paying the mortgage; the 2026 struggle is that most people aren't even allowed to start one because they can't save the deposit.
But either way it's shit isn't it. I can't imagine it ever getting better.

God I feel depressed for you. A bedsit in a rough part of London. Come back on here in 10 years time and tell us then if you regret the decision.

I cannot believe that your daughter would be happy to let you do this. When my mum was unable to live in her house due to not being able to manage stairs and was looking to move to a flat, we said that we would only let her move to a place where we would be happy to live ourselves. We wanted her to be safe and happy with where she was moving to. The thought of my mum going to live in a bedsit to help me, I wouldn't be able to live with that.

My greatest joy is knowing I'm helping my children to be financially secure....
Each to their own.....

@poetryandwine
But 15% interest rates weren't the norm.
Can't find a figure for 1970 but according to BofE Database, rates between 1975 and 1980 were 5% at their lowest and 17% at their highest.
A lot higher than today admittedly.

To be honest, it's irrelevant which generation had it easier and property prices vs income. It's still op's parent's money and up to them what they do with it. Personally I'd rather value my time with my parents than sit with resentment towards them. I'm grateful for the childhood they gave me and it's great to know they're very financially secure. They've brought me up as well as they could. That's a wonderful gift

That’s just my preference for my own child. I am currently living in conditions that are not dissimilar to what I have described, albeit more spacious because I live with parents in their social housing home. If things are getting worse rather than better, then it is my duty to make sure that my DS will not end up homeless.

It’s a luxury to think that every one can succeed in life if they just apply themselves and work hard. We simply don’t know what the jobs market is going to be like in 18 years when DS turns 21. I have to assume that it’ll be slim pickings and over-prepare so that he has a good enough situation.

Sorry if that seems grim but it’s the reality for me right now. Things could change but right now it’s about survival.

Disclaimer: I only got to page 15 of this nearly 27 page thread...
I would support a more circular approach to wealth sharing within families, not as an entitlement, but as a cultural shift. Yeah, maybe some will be undeserving but many are struggling and inevitably this affects the younger generations.
A few people have mentioned divorce: on my ILs side, an aunt and BIL divorced and their money was split - yet both were young/cany enough to replace what was 'lost'. These divorces led to ILs keeping their hands in their pockets and could've helped DP/DH with a deposit (but didn't want me to benefit despite being DM to their grandchildren - my parents gave me £3000). Their significant wealth (even after care home fees) came from a family business and properties bought in the 1920s by THEIR parents (both were born 1910s/20s). And then, DH retired early and spent it...
I think they would have been disapppointed the money went in this way, and wonder how much PLEASURE they might have felt seeing us PROSPER (they were really confused I went back to work full time after DCs - I was paying the mortgage!).

If the post had been made by the parents who were trying to decide whether to move, it could be relevant.

However it wasn’t - you either agree that having educated their child to a decent level and given them a £30k toward a deposit, they are allowed to do what they want with their money or you think that they should give it all to the daughter

I don’t think yabu.

I would help my DCs (you) in this scenario.

I’m not necessarily saying it’s right and that your parents are wrong, it purely depends on different outlooks.

You only have to read the comments on here to see that many would expect their parents to do similar to that poster, greedy vultures indeed.

I thought the housing crisis was because there are not enough small starter homes available, not that there are not enough 4 bedroom detached properties. 🤷‍♀️

Quite a few people do move, but you don't need to actually upsize to spend more money. On Gransnet people write of having to pay more for a smaller, more convenient place in a better location.

I'm not sure why you’re deciding what I can and can't ask? The OP posted on a public forum for a reason, and asking for context is a perfectly normal part of the conversation. It is up to the parents what they do with their money. It is unusual after retirement to move to a larger home, so I was just trying to understand the logic of the move. If the OP doesn't want to answer, that's fine, but I don't need a lecture on what you think is relevant.
Back to the thread...

You clearly didn’t read the part about legal advice…

Kind of you, but nothing makes me happier than helping my loved ones.