Parents upsizing - AIBU

[100157ab]

Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

I would dispute that! Im an early boomer, late 70s. DH and I grew up in rented housing, managed to buy our bog standard semi. Our holidays were visiting family or a few days in a caravan. Our GenX DC and their DH/DW live in lovely large houses, have nice cars and have travelled extensively.

They are all professionals - we just had jobs. There were far more opportunities for them in the 90s than we had. Most of their friends are also from ordinary backgrounds, but have made good.

And holidays were a rarity, the children didn’t have ‘activities’ except for things like scouts etc unless they had money.

My mom was the only mother that I knew at school who worked full time

@poetryandwine and much easier to live off of one income.

It was never easy and obviously there are individual outliers in every population but statistically it is much harder for young families today in terms of cost of living and housing prices. Home inflation is the biggest hardship today. This is not an opinion, it is a fact backed by economics.

15% rates were obviously massive, I agree with that. However, the scale is totally different now. A mortgage in 1970 was maybe 3x your salary, today it’s more like 9x. I’d much rather pay 15% interest on a £10k house than 5% on a £300k one for example. Most people back then could actually save for a deposit in a few years. Now? You’re lucky if you can save anything at all after paying a landlord's mortgage for them. My parents bought their house with one wage, a100% mortgage, and some neighbours got their car in it as well.

So they have already given you £30k? That was generous and something they probably wanted to do to see you be able to afford the property. As you have had that lump sum what is it that you think they should do for you with the 100k instead of putting it into a property? Pocket money? A bigger house for you? Holidays?
I am a similar age and recognise how lucky we were in terms of student grants and house prices compared to incomes. And I recognise that the next generation is struggling compared to us but we have financially supported through uni, we have helped with deposits (large lump sums) we have helped with things needed for moves, for new family, for weddings. We have been more than happy to do it and have had great joy from the times we have spent giving labour type help with them.
We prioritised saving when we were younger to allow us to do this and now we are enjoying being able to spend on ourselves too. We haven’t chosen to upsize because we love the location of our house but we have spent money on the house, in each case we have taken our potential future needs into consideration. We are lucky enough to have a period when we are healthy enough to enjoy following our interests, we want space to do that. Upsizing is unusual in later years but I don’t think 60’s are truly later years.
Do your parents know how you feel?

MN is all "happy mum, happy kids" until the kids grow up!

No I didn't, don't make assumptions. We lost our house in 1990 when I was 15 and my Dad tried to take his own life due to his business going under. My Mum then spent 2 years in a mental health unit after a complete nervous breakdown and my Dad never worked again either. At 16 and 18 myself and my brother then took jobs to fit around my college course, he full time having dropped out of 6th form as our parents were incapable of supporting us. I then entered and left a long and disastrous marriage, and was left looking after my children struggling to cover a mortgage and eventually the house was sold as part of the divorce. I met my now husband with whom I was saving for a new home when he had a massive stroke and can now not work. I am the breadwinner and we are in HA. So, you are completely wrong.

Same here. From 16 for many years I was propping up my parents. I've gone into why more in a recent post.

For all those banging on about the entitled millennials generation and how difficult it was in the 90s, please do an ounce of reading on the topic of the economic situation today vs 30 years ago. It’s very different and, statistically, much harder to afford a young family today. This is backed by economics and published in reports by government statistics and reputable economists.

Summary of how the affordability of housing has changed, in a government report:
Housing Purchase Affordability, UK (ONS official statistics)

A report produced by economists at an independent UK think tank that discusses the changes in living standards over time:
Living Standards Outlook 2025 (full PDF)

If you can’t even be bothered to look at those reports which I’ve handed to you, the summary is that living standards have largely stalled since the mid-2000s. This is largely due to the inflation of housing prices and further fuelled by increases in other essentials such as food and groceries.

So yes, it’s harder today than it was then. This is not my opinion it is economics. Do what you like with your own money as that is your right. But when millennials say they feel that it’s harder for them, at least acknowledge that this is statically the case. You may have worked hard for your money but on the whole millennials are working harder for less.

They helped you with a deposit..
The entitlement here is ridiculous.

They should GIVE you the new house, OP. You didn’t ask to be born afterall

It’s a Boomer thing. They seem to think the money will be somehow be worth more after they’ve died.

What none of that takes into account is that the economy was in the toilet in the 90s, unemployment was high, mortgages were very hard to get, a lot of people found themselves in negative equity and repossession was common. Go back to the 70s and inflation was roaring away. Try looking at what lies under the statistics.

You see, I can't relate to all these posts on here about wealthy boomers. I am one - just. I was born in 1961. I was brought up in a council house - my dad was a tradesman and my mum did early morning cleaning to make ends meet. We didn't have much but we didn't really know tbh - a roof over our head and food to eat and a week in a caravan in Devon every year
I got into Grammar school and went on to be the first person in my family to go to university. I got a decent, but average paying job when I graduated and when my husband and I met and got married we bought a one bedroomed flat. We lived there until my eldest was a year old then we moved to a small victorian terrace which needed a lot of work doing (which we did ourselves)
We had no family around to help and there was no subsidised childcare available so I worked evenings when my husband came in from work.

We didn't take our children abroad until my oldest was 14 (and then it was to Spain). Obviously, as the children got older I was able to work more (public sector for the flexibility re childcare) but we were never wealthy.
We inherited a small amount of money from my in-laws - we gave our children £20k each for a house deposit and we spent the rest on much needed maintenance for our house.

We now live in bog standard 4 bed 1930s semi which obviously we have paid off because we are in our 60s. Our children all have more income than we do and have bought their own homes. We spend our spare money on travelling which we have never been able to do before but even that is self-organised and planned to save money.
I'm not complaining - we're comfortable and happy - but I do despair when i read all these ageist threads attacking boomers for having an easy life because that has certainly not been my experience!

I always wonder about the ‘I just couldn’t imagine’ people on mn- you can’t imagine because you’ve never been there, of course people can’t imagine being older and making the decisions others made!!

Why?

What do you mean worth more after their died? The money is there to give them choices when they are alive. That's why you keep it till you die.

I understand and I know that interest was high but even then it was (generally) still easier to afford housing and wage growth was better than it is for this generation. I’m not saying it wasn’t difficult and I know a lot of people did struggle. I’m just saying, statistically, it is even harder now.

This is not my opinion but comes from analysis by economists and professionals who study the aggregate of all of these factors as a whole.

They should give you everything op and go and live in a cardboard box - as long as you are comfortable that's all they should care about - selfish buggers!🙄

That analysis fails to take into account other factors like those I’ve listed above.

It’s totally irrelevant, it is their money, their home. Why they want to makes no difference at all.

But the op has a mortgage, she’s not in rented. Her parents gifted her 30 k for a deposit.

1. They obviously feel they can manage a bigger house whereas the usual thinking is to downsize

2 I assume normal protocol, you will have half the house when they die

1. You need to look at your finances if you are struggling, maybe you need to think of a cheaper house

4 you sound greedy, not concerned, talking about your parents' finances, nothing at all about how they will manage, comes over

Im guessing the ones whining about boomers are the ones whose parents were fairly comfortable to start with. Esp the ones who went to uni.

Im sorry to say I think you sound like a spoilt entitled brat. You've already had 30k off them which is MASSIVE, and despite saying how you earn more and have a better career than them, you want more of their money? Do you think they're not entitled to enjoy the money they've spent their whole lives earning, simply because you want an easy ride in life and not earn it yourself like they did?