Parents upsizing - AIBU

[100157ab]

Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

I'm 54 and I dont remember finding it "mega easy" at all. I bought my first flat at 32 having spent the years between 22 and 32 saving up a deposit.

As the next generation to boomers, we were encouraged to make our own way in life. Often boomers didn’t become comfortable until later in their working lives.

We subsidised our parents -many people I know did the same thing - the current generation are the first one to expect to be supported their entire lives.

Seems mad to upsize in your 60s when your children have left. Although saying that, our young adult children are returning making the house smaller so if we had the cash we’d def upsize.
Aed def help FDC out with house deposits as long as they are in gainful employment and can afford the mortgage. I’d rather gift the money when we’re alive.

Exactly! Plus people were ‘older’ then iyswim. Someone in their 60s now often has a busy life, work etc. I think the silent generation suffered in many ways and I remember my mum and aunt needing to help my grandmother a lot.

I lived in SE England and it was easy, friends saved 5k and bought their own. It was the same for DH in SW England.
It was also very easy to get good jobs in London. Just before I left school we were taught how to write letters to apply for jobs. All my friends and I wrote approximately 4 letters each and got jobs in banks and insurance companies. I had a job in HR in a merchant bank that would now be a really competitive graduate job. Things were so different then.

Well done 🥇🥇 It’s almost like people have different circumstances and experiences isn’t it?

It was easy FOR YOU and your friends to do it, that doesn’t make it possible for others. You sound like you can’t understand that not everyone had the same experience

Money aside, why are they upgrading op? Do they sleep in separate rooms and maybe want to have grandchildren stay over? Just trying to understand. Is their 4 bedroom house spacious in the living areas?

I got a job straight from college despite high unemployment but it wasn’t that easy

They don’t need a reason 🤷‍♀️

No, of course they don't, but there is always one , eg; liking the new house, a different area etc. People move for a reason and I am trying to get some context.

What I mean is that it’s irrelevant - other people don’t need to understand

Sorry but YABVU.

It’s their money to do what they like with -you must stand on your own two feet.

i think when you have young DC who are reliant on you for everything - as OP does - it’s very easy to believe that you’ll support them forever.

as DC become older and independent, make decisions that are different to those that you might or did in fact make, prioritise differently and make choices you may disagree with, you might find you’re less willing to sacrifice everything for them and you might recognise that it doesn’t always do them good.

I'm from a small village in Wiltshire. I couldn't afford anything then and I can't afford anything now. A small cottage with 2 beds, no hallway, downstairs bathroom over 250,000. The house next to where I was born, just 2 like it in the village, 500,000. That might be nothing to people in London, but out of my reach. Which is why sadly, I live no where near my family. And, as I said earlier, I did live in West London when young, but couldn't buy anything there as a public sector worker.

Not at all, even being born a year or two later, or in a different area or making one decision rather than another can mean people have completely different lives. I know lots of people who bought around 6 years earlier than me who were stuck with 40% negative equity for years.
I was replying to poster who made it sound as if no Gen X could buy on their own.

I have to say that I have found this thread a really uncomfortable read, yes @100157ab it would be nice for you to have access to this money, however it does not belong to you, it belongs to your parents. They earned it, albeit when life was easier for young couples than it seems to be now, but I can tell you that when your parents joined the housing market, it will have been a stretch for them, and equally so as they moved up the ladder, too.

Now if they gifted you some monies now, that would be a kindness, but equally would you be happy in agreeing to take them in and look after them as they got older as some of us have done over the years? Do you parents tell you how to spend your money, I suspect not, then you cannot tell them how to spend their money either.

If the monies come to you then that is a great good fortune but do not bank on it as an expectation and no, they are not being selfish, merely living their best life when they can.

I don't think it is irrelevant, some people maybe want to try to understand the logic for the move. I am not sure the ages of the parents but a huge house is a lot of maintenance. I know when my inlaws did it they really regretted it, as found the stairs hard to manage as got older; they now are struggling to sell.

Parents don't need to give op money, and have every right to move and do what they want with their money obviously.

Did you go for a higher mortgaged house assuming you would get money off them?

You may not get a big inheritance if they go into a care home etc

If you have a well paying job as you say, they may not know you are struggling ?

I was that poster actually. In response to someone saying I benefitted from the housing boom I said “What housing boom? I didn’t know anyone of my age (gen x) who could afford to buy their own home without having savings and another person”

I didn’t say that nobody could - just that I knew nobody that was able to.

That’s was to @ForAmusedHazelQuoter

But judging from your username, you have a special case for needing an acre of garden 🤣

Many boomers were in the age group of their current DC around 1970z

15% mortgage interest followed bt 10% unemployment and 11% inflation.

Women on 50% of men’s wages in 1970, if they could get a job. No free nursery.

Tell us more about how easy they had it?