Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

Money is none of your business. I’d be more concerned about the maintenance of such a large house when they are ageing. I’d rather they spent the money on that rather than expect me to help with it.

There's "preferred house in best areas" and then there's not even being able to get a mortgage on a studio flat despite working full-time in a professional job. Work is concentrated in high CoL cities, especially in certain sectors, and if you cut your cloth by buying the worst house on the market in the middle of nowhere you'll be spending £600 a month on commuting anyway

Bedroom each. Hobby room each, storage room, 2 guest rooms.
Great if you can and they can so will
Wait till your 60 and someone comes o push you out your 3 bed semi cause a family needs it and you only need a 1 bed flat.

Many people in retirement need 4 bedroom houses because they still have responsibilities, live far away so need guest rooms and don’t share bedrooms with partners!

Honestly the dictating as to what people need in their 60s is nuts. My parents are in their 80s and have a 4 bedroom house. They need it. They each have their own room and when their children frequently come to stay they come with kids. We wouldn’t able to visit them so much with a 2 bedroom house.

You're saying its better not to spend it on themselves. Otherwise, what are you saying? They have worked for it. Jeez.

You aren't coming across well here, OP. You sound as if you're saying that, as professionals, you are 'better' than your parents and their money should be coming your way. Perhaps you are just 'lucky' that they gave you a decent start in life?

Can I ask what age category you are in?

I know what age category you are in 😂

I'm 51. With no sense of entitlement

DH and I are a little bit younger than your parents, still working and with one dc at university and one still at home but off to University this year. We are moving to a property that is costing quite a lot of money, it’s not a larger house, it’s actually a smaller house but with more outside space.
It never occurred to me that anyone would think we were ‘selfish’ for not staying put, for putting our money into something that we have wanted for ages.
DH’s parents did a similar thing when he was 30 and we were struggling to get a house, it didn’t occur to me that they were selfish either. They bought a larger and better sited house because they wanted it. My mil is still there, and loves her house.

But if most people close to the parents' age say the OP's being selfish, doesn't that prove that older people don't generally want to help their children and grandchildren? MN is full of people saying "When my children have their own families, I'll want them to spend Christmas together instead of with me", or "I'll want to provide free childcare once I have grandchildren." But it's very easy to say those things while you're still young.

Also, it wasn't you that I quoted or asked.

Gen x then, so you benefited from the housing boom then.

I didn't say they shouldn't spend it on themselves, calm down. I said rather experiences than a massive house

Posted on wrong thread, sorry!

But it’s not realistic. To work, it requires everyone to be fair and equal and that won’t happen.

if you divided all the money in the world equally, a year later some people would be rich, others would be penniless. And some of the rich ones would be ‘unworthy’

It is human nature to resent people whom we perceive to have more than us

But why should they help their children and grandchildren? They have worked all their lives for what they have, including bringing up their own kids, and now want to spend that money on upsizing. It's up to the children to provide for their own children, not grandparents. My parents didn't give me money all through my 20s/30s - I never complained about it but just got on with building things for myself. I eventually did inherit from them but it was just a bonus.

What housing boom? I didn’t know anyone of my age (gen x) who could afford to buy their own home without having savings and another person

So what was the price you paid for your home, versus it's value now?

Well, we upsized to a farm in France when my DH was in his 60s. Because we wanted to and because it wasn't on us to buy a home for his DD and her husband, who were not in a fantastic financial position at the time due to their own poor decisions. We helped them out plenty financially and got little thanks.

As an adult you have to take responsibility for your own financial decisions. Your parents have already helped with your deposit. Try being grateful for that instead of expecting more.

House prices have risen more than wages.

I have never been able to afford to buy a house, that’s my point. My parents were in a position to help out (despite being boomers), and I have worked since I was 18 in decent paid jobs but the only way I could have afforded to buy a house if I had bought with another person.

I didn’t know anyone who could afford a house on their own.

I’m 57 and it was mega easy to buy on your own when I was in my 20’s. My friends and relatives all bought flats for about 52k on their own.
I was a bit behind and my DH and I bought a three bedroom extended semi in SE England on his salary (I wasn’t working as had just graduated and wanted to try for a baby) in the mid 90’s. We used my student loans as the 5% deposit and got a cash back mortgage so got the 5% back straight away. You can’t compare that to people needing to save 50k or whatever now.

Boomers have got it easy, the first generation to leave their kids worse off.

Oh okay, I guess I and my cohorts were clearly too thick or poor to do it 🤣 Even now I know 2 people of a similar age to me who were able to buy on their own in their 30s.