Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

I see we already have MN bingo about the boomers. My parents are boomers and had to work all hours all their lives to be comfortable.

As soon as I was in secondary school, I would come home to an empty house and have dinner cooked by the time my dad came in (my
mum worked longer hours). This myth about how they had money magically thrown at them is a joke.

I am responsible for my life choices and don’t begrudge them in any way.

It is always ironic when they describe boomers as entitled for not forking over their money to their entitled offspring 🤣

I think it's a little odd to upsize on retirement but I also think your attitude is terrible.

Your parents have already helped you out with a deposit, you are a fully functioning adult with professional jobs. No offence but grow up! It's not for them to give you money to make your life more comfortable it's for YOU to live within your means and cut your cloth accordingly.

I thought your concern was the upkeep as they get older. Sorry but they have already gifted you £30K which is a decent sum. You say you have a professional job so presumably your upbringing was decent in that you were able to do A-levels, study etc. so they have definitely supported you.

You are presuming they had it easy & this might not be the case.

That said I would personally get a holiday home or something to enjoy or use the money for travelling rather than spending that amount on a house.

There is such a strange, self-centred attitude amongst posters here.

My family doesn't operate like this at all. We try to help one another. My parents would never want to see me and my sister struggle. I am fully expecting we will be having to help them out in various ways now they are getting older.

Those people saying 'it's THEIR money, it's none of your business'... what happens when the parents are old and need support? Will you be saying to OP 'oh don't bother about your parents, it's THEIR problem they are old now'?

Honestly, such a bizarre attitude. I don't know what kind of parents could sit there on a pile of wealth watching their kids struggle... I could never do that to mine.

It's miserable that so many people think this is normal behaviour on the part of the parents.

And a far lower cost of living relative to salaries. This is not my opinion, look at statistics from the government Housing Purchase Affordability, UK (ONS official statistics)_

It’s obviously anyone’s right to spend their own money how they want. But it’s very possible this “time” will not come for many millennials as the economic situation is fundamentally different. The pensions we are currently paying into are likely to be less as well.

Yes I'm serious, but then enjoying my retirement means seeing my kids, grandkids and sharing the happiness of my good fortune. But I guess some people are different

And that is why the human race is dying out
Or certain human races are dying out because within other cultures that suggestion wouldn’t be entertained.

I struggle to understand why a couple in their 60s need to upside but, hey, it's their life...

The ageism on this thread is disgusting.
What is it you’re struggling with? People in their 60s want to upsize for the same reasons as everyone else might.
My DM and DSF upsized in their 60s to a house they had built, to be in a rural location and have a large plot. DM loves growing fruit and veg and decorative garden stuff; DSF is a runner.
They’re in their late 70s now and still enjoying their home.

Never occurred to me they should give the money to me instead.

How is it spare if they want to do something with it? 60s is young these days.

Unfair? Unfair? The poster is being a completely money grabbing arsehole. They need to cutback on Netflix & give the money to their sprogs.
Or…as I expect…it’s clickbait.

As a parent, I cannot imagine upsizing my house in my sixties knowing that that money could have helped my kids who were struggling.

I think people forget that people become more financially secure as they get older. I was on the bones of my arse broke in my 20s and 30s, as I enter my 40s I am more comfortable. So you may see your parents with lots of money now but it's likely they spent their younger years broke like you are now. I know my parents and grandparents were.

Also I have an 11 year old and do think I would happily give him everything to make his life easier but thats me looking at him as a child. Someone on here once said that changes when they grow up and you see them as an adult who should be working hard for their lifestyle and I think there is a lot of truth in that.

If you have already had a good deposit for your house they have helped you sooo much more than what a lot of people get. I've never had any significant help from my parents. My dad often talks about how rich he feels now he's retired but I know I will probably be in the same position when I am his age and I know he was in a worse position when he was my age.

Op claims to be "struggling" - no explanation of what that means. To some people "struggle" means they cant afford private school, to others that they cant afford food. Strongly suspect the OP's idea of "struggle" is much nearer the former than the latter.

Why doesnt OP downsize if really "struggling"?

Hang on - just seen the OP was gifted £30,000 toward a deposit. WTF? You still want more? 😱

The upsizers’ child has already been given 30k and has a professional job. Hardly struggling.

I’d wager that the younger generations have also had a hugely better quality of life (travel, mat leave, better food, eating out etc) than the upsizers.

OP said herself that she and her partner are in reasonably well paid jobs and looking to progress. Everyone with a mortgage and young children has to make ends meet. Parents paid the deposit. I'm not getting bread line vibes here. Whilst its good that your family does things differently, I don't believe parents should be a safety net for the entire financial futures of their adult children. I actually think its very entitled when its an expectation. I looked after both my parents before they died. There was no money in our family as my Dad was dreadful with money, so I've never had any help it was always the reverse. However in my group of friends the majority are parents making their way with no buffer from parents. To me that seems more the norm.

They have helped. They have given her £30k for a deposit!

OP should have bought a property she could more comfortably afford.

Also interesting to see how many people connect money with care - if they don’t give you lots of money then leave them to get on with it when they are old etc.

Why so transactional? And if you go down that road, they looked after you when you were children, so you ‘owe’ them the same when they are old.

I speak from experience. Times were tough.

OP has had a sizeable gift from her parents and her time will come when she pays off her mortgage and then when she inherits.

Yes OP, why don’t you sell your house, pay off your mortgage and buy a studio flat- gifting your children any remaining equity as well as a good chunk of your professional income (no longer needed to service the mortgage)?

You could pass on the 30k YOU were gifted, plus appreciation, to the next generation.

The mistake these parents make is to raise grabby kids!

But struggling is not being able to afford basic needs and housing. This is not struggling, unless there is an element of this the OP isn't explaining. And why do people keep saying "in my 60s" as if we should all be put out to grass by then?! I'm 51 DH 63. We aren't dead yet.

So they gave you deposit money as adults, yet you still expect that they should live in a place which they don’t really want so you can benefit…..?

But the parents are not "sitting on" a pile of wealth, they're just living their own lives and not behaving as if all they need now is one room with a comfy armchair and some knitting. And we don't know what they might do if OP is ever seriously struggling eg after a divorce having to buy somewhere by herself, or after job loss or long-term illness. Maybe at that point her parents will in fact choose to downsize again and hand over more money, but right now they're just not seeing that type of need?

OP would like a nicer life and to feel her mortgage will be paid off sooner, but seems more disgruntled than the sort of desperate that makes me think her parents should clearly be giving her money. Perhaps the OP's life just seems normal to them, and knowing as they must do that she'll most likely get quite an inheritance from them, they're just not seeing any great need to give her more right this minute?

Do you realise that if you need to rely on your council for care someday, your options may be very limited?

If I were your DC I would prefer for you to have the option of buying good care in old age, should the need arise. Preserving your ability to choose.