Parents upsizing - AIBU

[100157ab]

Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

@H0sta if everyone is financially planning effectively it’s much better for parents to gift money to children whilst they are alive from a tax perspective.

It's me and my children than are paying this generations massive pensions. People are deciding they are not going to be having children. Well done. Your greed is actually extinguishing life.

@TheOnlyAletheia I love your attitude. I think this thread shows there’s two totally different mindsets as you say.

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

My parents have never shared their good fortune, at least not without strings. They have a house full of expensive 'stuff' and it's hard not to feel aggrieved. I've always supported myself and usually managed to keep my head above water, but it's baffling they've not been bothered watching me struggling.

It’s normal to be short of money when you have young children. Your parents are likely to have spent years struggling, with far lower wages and mortgage rates as high as 15%

They are now at an age where they will want more space as are at home more and have time to enjoy it.

Your time will come.

I remember being shocked by how many parents are now gifting their children deposits or just generally giving them money. Maybe it’s because my parents never had any inheritance but making your own path in life and being independent was always the emphasis just so you have the skills to cope through the economic shocks they lived through.

I guess if the people gifting their children know their children will take them in and look after them when they aren’t able to or we have another economic shock someone in retirement can’t work their way out of, it isn’t a risk so something people feel able to do.

Hang on though, the OP was gifted a substantial deposit by her parents (the upsizers). They have shared family money. They’re now being tapped up for their grandchildren too! How many more generations are they expected to shell out for when they probably just want a nice pretty house and a bit of peace?

IMO you do people no favours by handing them everything on a plate- just leads to boredom, entitlement and a lack of resilience.

That depends. If no inheritance tax is likely there’s no advantage whatsoever.

Massive pensions @IrregularMo0n? It’s £230 a week and anyone with an occupational pension is paying tax on it.

Maybe the difference here is how hard you saw your parents work for their money. It would never have occurred to me to think I had access to their money as both of them grafted. My mother till she was 70, my father similar. Never once did they benefit from any government subsidies or handouts. It was pure graft from the age of 16 for both of them. I think there was one inheritance that came their way but it wasn’t life changing and it was towards the end of their lives.

If however I’d seen my parents waft through life with one of them never working, and one of them benefiting countless times from inheritance after inheritance I probably would feel differently, particularly if I were struggling financially.

I’d advise your parents to blow the lot on a round the world trip so there’s nothing left for their greedy offspring. Your sense of entitlement is appalling. You will get your precious money eventually, and surely it’s better that they are investing in property that is likely to increase in value rather than blowing it on holidays.

It's not grabby, it's about your parents lack of thought or care. I personally couldn't do that to my kids. But I think the boomers overall were very selfish and most don't have good relationships with their kids. It will effect your relationship with them inevitably. Just future proof yourself from being available for care later on. Why should you care for those who don't care for you.

You are being very unreasonable and actually rather grabby. Actually most posters will probably tell you that your parents are being unfair and that they somehow owe you.

It is their money which the have accumulated throughout their lives (whether that is by working or investing etc) so why do you think they don’t deserve to enjoy their later lives? 60s isn’t old and perhaps they want to use their own money to enjoy it.

You may not have made the same decision in their position but how would you feel if you were retired and your children were demanding that you gave your money to them?

She was given 30,000 to add to her deposit. I don't call that being mean, I call that generous. I honestly think half the problem is that the sister married a wealthy man.

But it’s quite common for early-retired people to buy a holiday home

It none of your business what they do. You are being very unreasonable

I guess if the people gifting their children know their children will take them in and look after them when they aren’t able to or we have another economic shock someone in retirement can’t work their way out of, it isn’t a risk so something people feel able to do.

Yeah I’m not sure about this either. I loved having my family to stay but there are quite a few posters here who only want to see grandparents if they’re babysitting or paying for a free holiday and start complaining if they are staying for longer than a couple of nights!

My kids are good eggs, but I personally will be ensuring that I have money to pay for a comfortable retirement and care needs myself- probably by tying it up in a beautiful big house until the time comes!!

There are two different issues here:

1. I struggle to understand why a couple in their 60s need to upside but, hey, it's their life....
2. YABU expecting them to just give you thousands of pounds! Even if they did release funds by downsizing - that would be their money, which they've earned and probably need to keep themselves for maybe the next 30 years. They've done their bit for their kids.... why should they keep handing out cash?

Are you serious- they gave her a 30k deposit? And now just want to enjoy their retirement.

So in 20 years time when your kids can’t afford to buy a house, they can put you in a bedsit and take yours, cos their need for what you worked for is greater than yours?

their house, their lives, their money
you are an entitled CF!

@IrregularMo0n Around half of current pensioners get less than the full state pension. Two thirds of pensioners pay tax on their occupational pensions - money they saved to provide a decent income in retirement. They paid for your education and they contribute now to the free childcare they didnt get for their children.

A smaller proportion of working age people pay tax than pensioners.

Helping your family out doesn’t ruin them- it makes their lives a little easier and takes away some financial stresses. My children are grateful that I can help. It demonstrates how much I value their happiness to share what I have whether that’s time, attention or money. I just don’t see the point of not helping if you can 🤷‍♀️

They should be eating beans on toast and bequeathing all their money to their poor children

In their sixties, they are probably still quite well and active and they want to enjoy their well earned retirement. I expect they’re looking at what they need in terms of rooms to do their hobbies, room for entertainment and a home they love and feel happy with.

They aren’t dead yet. They still have a lot of living to do.

Focus on your own life @100157ab and be happy for your parents.

I doubt they'll be eating beans on toast if they don't upsize.. bit of a daft post. Why are people so hysterical

If they are in their sixties, you know that these days at least one of them may live another 30 years or more, during which time it is likely that they would need to downsize again either together or separately. If they have 100k the thing to do with it is not to give it away but to hold onto it to pay for long-term care if either of them need it, because that is the state of our care system. If they don’t have money to pay for it it, how might that affect you?

Do you know what their pension income is and what it will look like for the remaining one when the first one dies? Especially worth thinking about what the position is going to be if your mum survives your dad.