Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

DH will be 60 in 2 years, I hardly see him at his deathbed. Unless something happens we could have 15 years+ loving a nice large house.

Maybe they look into a house which can be lived in for a long time, adjusted when necessary.
Not everyone wants a retirement bungalow.

They need to be in London for work, and I'll need to be on hand for child care.

Sometimes smaller houses in a nicer area are more expensive. That’s what we’ll probably look at eventually when we’re sure the dc don’t need to live with us.

I do wish we still had the laughing emoji! Only on MN would a person be called greedy for giving pretty much everything away to help someone else. This place is barking at times.

You could both move. Not going to cry any tears for anymore who owns property in London.

Sorry but you're being really grabby and selfish. I believe in parents helping their adult children. Like you, mine helped me with a deposit.

This is different though. You've already had a leg up. You're not stuck renting an expensive and unsuitable house, they've already help you onto the housing ladder... be happy that people you love are doing something for themselves.

Delighted that I'm not making you cry.

The maths on this and with 28 experience years experience in my field I can earn at least double what it would cost to send a baby to Nursery after tax. Would it not be better? Use of your skills for you to stay employed, the government to give them some assistance for childcare and you for topping up with treats ? That’s always been my plan.

Op, I assume you are in your 30s and therefore haven't paid of the mortgage? That's the position for most people. I think your strong emotions are coming from comparing your mum & dads positions and other sibling wealth.

I think you might need to adjust your expectations. If you pay your mortgage regularly and pay into pensions you will be in a similar position in 30 years as your parents.

It's tough when you have childcare costs but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Btw, you say partner, so not married, are your finances sound?

Luton then, or the grottier parts of Kent. You can commute in.

Have you actually asked your parents why they’re considering upsizing? They might have plans for a B&B, they might be considering fostering……..there could be a number of reasons.
Start the conversation.

Luton ? What’s the poor woman done to you to deserve that?

I hope it works for you: I'm entirely happy with my plan too.

This is getting funnier by the moment!

Even Surrey would be cheaper.

Ok but nobody should be expected to do the same or feel sorry for your child because they have a small property in London. The sense of entitlement from younger generations is insane.

I'm a single working mum and the sole provider for my child, I will also not pay off my mortgage for many many years. I have never once even thought about my parents' choices of home, and they also upsized in their 60s/early 70s. Your parents are still young! They can downsize later on.

I'm sorry but this is not your money. You might not imagine not giving the 'extra' money to your kids; personally I can't imagine taking money like that off my parents as they finally enjoy their golden years.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. They are your parents and why wouldn’t they want to help you if they can?
I share any windfall/ bonus etc with my adult children, that’s how we roll.

Where have I asked anyone to feel sorry for my offspring? Honestly, this place is bonkers this morning.

Off to work - play nicely!

It's where I currently live, and it isn't!

"A spare £100k". I have heard it all now. Spare according to who? Greed and envy are very unpleasant qualities to have especially when they are dressed up as moral superiority.

When I was young I lived in West London with boyfriend who became DH. We moved because there was no way we could afford to buy anything on our salaries from the public sector. Moving further north meant we could buy. The downside was neither of us was near any family.
We made that choice and it was hard at times. I know many people who did just that, moved to a cheaper area.

Listen to what you're saying!
They gave you 30k
You have a professional job. Time to act like an adult and stand on your own two feet.
It is their money not yours

I hope not, I’m nearly 20 years older! I’m still volunteering and going to exercise classes. I had a new knee last year, full recovery. We didn’t have our first DGC til we were in our 60s, plus we were still working and contributing then.

Someone has a strange view of being 60. Our DC are heading there in a few years, they’re far from old. Pleased to say they don’t need any inheritance, (although I hope there’s a little left) as they are much better off than we ever were.

I can’t believe that you’re complaining about this when they’ve already gifted YOU a deposit! Unbelievable.

They’ve already paved their way for their grandchildren to have a secure childhood and they rightly want to enjoy their retirement in a place they love. Plus 60 is absolutely nothing these days, my 67 year old neighbour has just converted a barn into a party room!

I really think you need to consider your attitude and realise that older people shouldn’t be confined to a bedsit giving away their worldly goods when they have earned their money- ditto young healthy people with a good education should be capable of supporting themselves.