Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

I agree with you in some things OP.
It seems daft to upsize in their 60s, ,okay they may be fit now but that can change more quickly as people get older.
It happened to my parents, one developed a life limiting disease which took a while to diagnose, now passed away. The other has had heart issues for a while now.
They should really have downsized but it's probably too late now,
If I have spare money in retirement (currently mid 50s) I will be giving it to my DC, even a little towards long term savings.

P. S. To add, I was a homeless officer, during the housing crash of the 1990s I dealt with a huge number of people who had lost their homes, many had been self employed with businesses that were doing really well. Until they weren't. People in really good houses who could no longer pay the mortgage, and were repossessed. It wasn't all sweetness and light. When interest rates hit 15%,many just couldn't pay any extra. Businesses failed, mortgage not paid. I could have often written my notes before I interviewed them. For every person who did well in the 1990s there were many who didn't and had to start from scratch. So, can we stop saying how people had it so much easier, because many didn't.

YANBU, a retired couple in their 60s does not need 4 bedrooms worth of space. I agree with you if I were in their position I would help out my child/grandchildren. It would make a huge difference to your life in the immediate future and long term save you money on the interest.

As you know, you can’t say any of this to them and it is their choice. But yeah — in their situation I can’t imagine not helping you out.

Yes also we first bought very late 90s early 2000 and had to save our arses off for a deposit. Those coming up for retirement now did not enjoy the upsurge in house value that boomers did in the 80s, we were kids then.

They're 60, not 85! I'd understand your point slightly more were they the latter.

YANBU, a retired couple in their 60s does not need 4 bedrooms worth of space

Says who?

Nice to know that you are dictating to us oldies what we can and can't have.

House prices in the uk have gone up about 90% above inflation since 2000. And as a multiple of earnings average house prices were about four times earnings in 2000 and are about eight times earnings today.

I don't think you're the least bit unreasonable OP. I truly don't understand why some people have children if they're not prepared to always (for their whole lives!) put them first.

For context, I am about to sell my only (very small) property in order for my daughter and son-in-law to be able to upsize from their bedsit, so that they can start a family. I will end up with a tiny bedsit in a rough area of London for my retirement. Do I feel an iota of resentment? Not a bit of it - delighted to be able to do this for them. (And all of this has come from me - no pressure whatsoever from them - in fact they're paying for financial advice to ensure that I'm protected.)

Another thought specific to your situation OP: do your parents realise that, if they need to go into care, their house will be sold to pay for the care home fees? Surely it would be far better to give you money now and down size so that everything they've built up over the years would have something to show for it at the end?

Exactly. We will. My husband will still be working from home and needs an office, we sleep separately(snoring) so need separate rooms, we still have a daughter living at home and also want space if there are any emergency returns home to live from dc’s, let alone visitors.

Regardless of helping you with your mortgage , upsizing at 60 seems madness if have a decent size 4 bed home already

stamp duty being a huge cost but more the size and upkeep of the place plus bills be more

I could understand moving from a 2 bed to a 4 so that have space for you/grandkids to stay over /xmas etc

but if a decent size anyway

you have years left on mortgage. Most people do. If you took out at 25/30 - you will be paying it off till you are 50+ or even longer

it

Nobody has a right to live in London.

Nobody is doing that— what they’re doing is judging you morally for not wanting to share in what has always been a normal family manner.

Clearly my opinion, obviously you’re entitled to disagree. My family of three manages in a 2-bed flat, so I can’t imagine why two adults are needing 4 or more bedrooms.

I will end up with a tiny bedsit in a rough area of London for my retirement.

Surely no-one would let their parents do this. I could never watch my mother struggle in a bedsit during her old age so that i could start a family. This is insane.

Besides, having children doesn't mean sacrificing your own comfort for the rest of your life. Surely it would be better to teach them to be independent.

Your parents gave you £30k to buy a house. They are now daring to spend money on themselves when you are struggling because of your mortgage. Maybe you over-committed yourselves and should downsize so you dont struggle with your mortgage.

You sound greedy and grabby because you are. Moving to a more expensive property can be because it's easier to maintain than your current property - we may do that. It wont necessarily be bigger but it may be. It's easier to clean a property that has adequate storage for your needs.

You say you have professional jobs so more money coming in than your parents have, yet you still expect them to fund a lifestyle you have chosen knowing what you have available. Your parents should leave their money somewhere else.

im struggling to believe you’re eyeing up your parents money, deciding they shouldn’t have the lifestyle they chose as they move into retirement but give it to you instead and declaring it luck.

its always the person who has their hand out wants the money who says they’d give it. Always.

stop eyeing up their cash, they are deserving of the life they choose.

If the OP were on the brink of bankruptcy or struggling to feed her kids I'd understand her point more. But it sounds like she's just living a normal stage of life with a mortgage, having already been given a deposit.

For info, I do share. I have 2 adult children living with me, both of whom have disabilities. When I pop my clogs the house will be theirs. I suspect that neither will ever leave home. I'm objecting on behalf of others who may well be enjoying the fruits of their hard work in retirement, and don't want to sell up to move to a bedsit. What a miserable way to end your days!

I’ve just explained why , not that anybody has to justify what they do with their life long earnings.

I’ve funded kids through uni and a whole host of medical issues and will be helping with deposits as the op was.

That is more than enough.

Well that's an interesting take on my reply!

This is my point though they didn’t have to wait very long in previous times.
As I mentioned, my grandparents went at 60 which is probably about the right time biologically for people to pass.
What is it They used to say three score years and 10?
In the whole circle of life, in the circle of Mortgages.

Surely no child would accept this?

My thoughts exactly! My parents are in a huge house and I really want them to downsize because they can’t keep up with it. I’d lose my mind if they upsized!

I’m not thinking financially, but I do dread the clearing the clutter out one day… and I am an only child so I’ll be doing it alone.

What am I reading, people should die at 60??