Wanting to have a ffm threesome with my boyfriend but worried I'll get jealous

[TinkyWinkyWonky]

As the title says, basically both me and my boyfriend want to spice things up a bit and want to introduce a third person into things.Neither of us want another man involved and we both find the idea a big turn on.Has anyone on here had any experience good or bad,and how do you deal with feelings of jealousy or are you just caught up in the moment and enjoy it for what it is?

One idea could be to choose a woman with whom you have strong chemistry - then just enjoy each other, leaving DP to self-indulge.

I imagine this would end up as sadly as your threesome idea, but I'm fed up with men wanting a faux lesbian sideshow so they can shag two women. May as well be selfish on your own behalf.

Nobody else can tell you how you will feel about it.

I have done it, and also had other varieties of threesome.

It doesn't necessarily wreck your relationship, but it obviously can cause jealousy. That will entirely depend on the people involved, how you all feel and behave towards each other etc.

You need to be up front with each other, agree boundaries from the start, and keep the lines of communication open too. And if at any point anybody wants to stop, as with all sex that should happen that instant and with no recommendations afterwards.....

It's not that easy finding another woman willing to do this either - there are sites specifically designed for facilitating it but they tend to be swamped with single males and couples - single women on there are few and far between.

Going to a sex club might be a good starting point for you, alternatively.

But if you have any reservations at all, I would probably advise against it. Though obviously, I'd and when it works well it can be great.

Its one of those things you can't reverse once it's done. Can tmyou test the water with some sort of non sexual flirting together with someone in a social setting like a bar or something first before you go into sex. At least youll know if you get angry and jealous or if you feel relaxed and enjoy sharing.
Where are you hoping to find the person as well?

Having had a fair bit of experience with the swinging scene in my past, I echo what others are saying about the fact you’re looking for a unicorn. I know you’re talking to someone, there’s a lot of talk talked on swinging sites but it rarely manifests. If you did find someone, you’d have to be offering her ideal situation, otherwise she’ll keep looking. And her ideal situation probably means you being sure it’s what you want to do, which I don’t think you are.

Maybe an easier way to find out would be to go to a swingers club and talk to people, it may or may not lead to any action so to speak, but just being there will probably answer a lot of your questions, in a no pressure environment.

WRT to the question in your OP, I know that I could never share a partner so it’s not something I’ve done, but I have been the OW in a ffm and it was weird. I was a lot younger, they were a married couple. It was their first time and you could tell she was getting really uncomfortable about him touching me, so told him to stop, which was a shite deal for me, so don’t be that person 😂.

What I have far more experience of is being in a relationship where we had MMF threesomes, on a regular basis. My ex was totally into that. We did it for years but eventually it’s what broke us up. One of the men I slept with (a few times), I just had the most amazing sexual chemistry with him and although I knew I didn’t want to be with him, I realised that sexual chemistry was completely lacking with my actual partner, and I ended things. So that’s a danger, there is a possibility your partner may have a similar awakening!

It isn’t half as exciting, it isn’t half as alluring, and it isn’t a one tenth as sexy as it’s portrayed on porn.
Sonebody always gets left out or all of a sudden somebody finds it gross or somebody gets jealous.
Your fantasies are getting the better of you.

But go right ahead. Find out for yourself when your boyfriend and this woman are attracted to one another and you end up being the third wheel - watching them from the sidelines.

I think you should go for it. You clearly really want it and have thought about it a lot.

I’ve done when I was much younger and lost two best friends and a long term boyfriend over it.

One of my friends boyfriends heard I was bisexual and convinced my friend to ask me to join them, I actually wasn’t keen but she asked and asked (I didn’t realise he was motivating it) and when we were all drunk one night I gave in.
Afterwards he said to me out of my friends earshot “the problem with a threesome is when you end up preferring the other women”.
He text me for a few days afterwards asking to meet me 1-1 and when I showed my friend the messages she blamed me.

The second time was with my boyfriend and my best friend and I was really against the idea but they both kind of pushed me into it, I was very jealous and hated it.
I found out months later that after she had gone to sleep in our spare room my boyfriend had gone and had sex with her again and I couldn’t forgive either of them.

It’s not even that successful with 3 women!
I tried that once and one woman ended up bored and started reading a magazine 😂.

I haven’t done anything like that for years and probably wouldn’t ever again. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve been asked but it’s always the man pushing for it and the woman just wanting to make his fantasy come true, even when it seems both of the couple want to do it it’s really more one sided from my experience.

I’ve been in a relationship for 13 years and my friend started hinting heavily once and my DP liked the idea but knows that I wouldn’t go along with it and made it clear.
We seem to be at an age now (40’s) where people are wanting to put a bit more spice back into their relationship and threesomes are a common fantasy, I don’t disclose I’m bisexual to anyone any more because I was sick of people finding out and then thinking I’d jump at the chance.

2 years and your already bored of each other to the extent you need someone else to spice it up. By all means go for it if this is a fantasy you want to fulfill. Don't think this is a set up that leads to a long lasting love though and you might not find a partner willing to do this in the future, do take the opportunity to live out this fantasy now, in the knowledge that this isn't a solid foundation that you know you are all eachother needs.

@TinkyWinkyWonky Because you have doubts now, you definitely should not do this.

However, I think that you want to do this for both yourself and your partner? If you want your present relationship to be a forever one, I will again say, please do not do this. I have known - over many years - a couple of couples who have done this, and at the time they both seemed to really enjoy it. But 10 to 15 years later it was a different story. The man of the couple in both couples still looks back at that time very fondly! Unfortunately, both women (they don't know each other) have subsequently told me that although they enjoyed it at the time, it now makes them feel sick through late developed jealousy, as they are still with the same partner as they were at the time. I am no expert OP, but I imagine that if they had had a threesome with a partner they were never that serious about, then maybe it would still be an okay memory?

Sadly, I think that you are not going to listen to the majority of us who think that that is a very dangerous game to play, especially if you are at all invested in your present relationship. So, I am going to suggest a few rules if you insist on going ahead with this. But I must admit to being curious about how you and your partner intend to find a reasonably attractive, healthy - particularly considering her sexual health - woman, who is willing to have a one night stand with you both, and to never see either of you, or contact either of you, again? Because I hoped to give you this advise before you leave the thread, I have only read your OP so far, so you may well have already addressed this 'sticky' problem already!

So, here are my suggested, potential, rules, if you still insist on going ahead:

You really must not have the threesome in your own home, in fact you mustn't have it in your home town, or even your nearest city. Plan a few days away at a hotel somewhere - preferably in a different part of the country altogether - and plan to have the threesome on your last night there. It is also very important that neither of you ever know the other woman's address.

Even with the above safeguards that I have mentioned, I still think it is a very bad idea, and it will still have the strong potential to ruin your relationship in the longer term. Please never include someone either of you already know, in any capacity whatsoever. You can still have fabulous fantasies without involving anyone else, maybe one could be including a weekend away in a hotel, where you pretend to meet in the bar as strangers?

This made me giggle 😂😂.
Of all the concerns people have before trying it I don’t think many people decide against it because it’s unhygienic.

I have been trying to work out why it would be any more unhygienic than sex in general and have come up with nothing!

It’s not something I’d introduce into a serious relationship tbh.

This is such a mumsnet answer. I love it 😂
And yes it does

Suggest MMF instead, I would. I would prefer that tbh.

If you have to question it - then don’t do it.

If you’re naturally an over thinker - then don’t do it.

If you want it to be a “one off” - then don’t do it. Because I guarantee your partner won’t want it to be a one off.

Also, watch a few episodes of Open House on Channel 4 player. It’s cringey as fuck but it might give you a little bit of insight into jealousy around swinging.

Have you had one?

Visit a swinging club first. I haven’t been myself but believe there’s a badge or some sort of marking to say you are a newbie and might just watch from the corner. There’ll be less pressure.

Can you go to a swinging night/BDSM? Not to do anything, but just to chat to other people in the scene. I think it's normal to be a bit jealous. Ask other couples how they handle it.

I've been in the BDSM scene in the past, and those kinds of nights of full of people who are open and willing to chat about their experiences. You will probably get judged on Mumsnet lol. I've been in threesomes in the past, and I've played with friends etc. Never had a bad experience. It's about very clear communication and very clear boundaries.

Grim

Great as a fantasy, awful in reality. You already know there’s a risk of jealousy so don’t do it. I think it breaks lots of relationships.

I cannot imagine any sexual pleasure being enough to outweigh the awkward bit at the end where you must be "well thanks for that then, have a nice day, see you later, here are your pants".

I would replace “developed” with lots of words - such as compromised, vulnerable, stunted, numb, manipulated, dependent (not in a good way), exploited, immature.

I can’t believe anyone would think their daughter is so emotionally developed that this was genuinely a good situation. Whether it ends in a drama explosion or with someone quietly masking emotional damage it will always end badly.

100% agree with this. ^

To what extent are your reservations that you would be the warm up show with female on female action followed by him shagging the ‘new’ female and maybe you as an afterthought when he had got his second wind? In reality it may be a male fantasy rather than a shared fantasy and that is why you are concerned you may feel jealous.

Likewise if you pushed the idea because you wanted sex with a woman but his involvement was peripheral because you wanted sex with a woman your partner has just had sex with. Making him the warm up show.

In an equal threesome no one should be used as titalation for the main show. If you can’t do this stay clear.