Wanting to have a ffm threesome with my boyfriend but worried I'll get jealous

[TinkyWinkyWonky]

As the title says, basically both me and my boyfriend want to spice things up a bit and want to introduce a third person into things.Neither of us want another man involved and we both find the idea a big turn on.Has anyone on here had any experience good or bad,and how do you deal with feelings of jealousy or are you just caught up in the moment and enjoy it for what it is?

They're called unicorns for a reason.

If you are troll hunting here I think you are barking up the wrong tree because OP has posting history which is innocent enough.

I have done MMF, but I wasn't seriously seeing either of the guys, so there was no jealousy. One was actually my ex, and it could have got messy, but it didn't.

I have also been with a good male friend's wife, which ended VERY badly, as she and I fell for each other. I stepped way back because she was married to my best male friend - he then got offended because she was upset at losing me, and asked why I'd rejected her! I tried to explain I was doing it to save their marriage, but he got all weird with me and we never spoke again - 15 years ago now.

Really depends on who else you bring in.

Haven’t you got anything better to do or think about in your lives!?

Disastrous all around

Why not take it off the table for some time to think without rushing and without your partner's influence, whether it's something you truly want to do.

I'm not sure why people would want to watch their respective partner have sex with another woman/man. Seeing them going down on the other one would be very odd, especially if you had a sudden vision of the fact that's what your partner looked like doing it to you. 😳😒😕

As pp said, it sounds all rather seedy and a bit weird. If it is kept hidden as a fantasy in the mind, it makes it a lot more appealing. In reality, it might be rather more disturbing than kinky 😳

If you're going to make this a reality you and your partner need to be extremely emotional intelligent.

The fantasy in your head and how it plays out more than likely will not match up. Seeing your partner kissing another woman can be a trigger for jealousy because it is actually quite an intimate act. There is also a high chance the shiny new woman would get more attention from your partner. Or he could do things with her that he doesn't do to you.

Are you comfortable in your own skin OP? Do you want the other woman to be in the same age bracket as you? Have you discussed with your partner what type of woman you would both find attractive?

I appreciate all the logistics suddenly turn a fantasy into a mission, but it really does have to be well thought out if you want the relationship to survive the reality of said fantasy.

Peep show s3e5 Mugged.
The Threesome: The "threesome" occurs between Jeremy, Michelle, and her friend Rae.
The Reality: In classic Peep Show fashion, it isn't the rockstar experience Jeremy hoped for. It’s incredibly awkward, and Jeremy ends up feeling more like a "human prop" than a participant.

They only seem to post referral links for websites/cashback.

Most people answering on here are repulsed by the idea, which is fine, but the OP is actually asking for responses from people who have experienced it. Just because it's not for you doesn't mean it's morally wrong or not for the OP. OP, I know what you mean re preferring FFM - not done it myself, but being the only female in the MMF scenario strikes me as being quite hard work 🤣

I don’t know why you are getting criticism for thinking of you would be jealous or not. It’s a perfectly reasonable question to raise and you never know it might actually be your partner who is jealous or you will have a bloody lovely time! I’m interested in 3sums but haven’t tried and have also thought will I be jealous, it’s a common response. There are some great swingers accounts on insta and they talk about jealousy might be worth a watch. I would set your boundaries with your partner and also the person who is your third and also had a word which your all aware is I’m not comfortable.

plan how you want to reconnect with your partner after as well

This is going to end so badly

I'm not going to get drawn into a discussion of OP's posting history.
But the point is she has one which goes back at least 6 months.

She is not, as frequently happens, someone who has registered with MN and straight away starts a thread about sex or something controversial. Because that is the only reason they registered.

If you think she is not genuine then report this thread rather than troll hunt.

Not sure that would be too difficult to make happen. The world is your oyster if you want this.

There’s quite a few around if your on the right sites. You would be surprised!

I think if you are worried about jealousy coming into it, then don't do it. I would have a threesome only if I had no emotional connection to either of the people I am having sex with, it's not something I could do if I loved one of the people as I'd be jealous.

Agree with all of this. The negotiation / logistics can feel like a shopping list but it’s really helpful to work out your boundaries and ensure everyone knows what they are.

I’d say the main question is whether you trust your partner to prioritise your feelings in the way they participate and communicate before, during and after.

Talk about what you’d like / find hot and why, and anything you’d prefer not to have happen. Like if you think kissing should just be for you then say so. Work out how you will manage things in the moment. You could have a traffic light system, or have it so that you control the scene by making the suggestions.

I’ve had FFM but my partner is the woman so it’s a bit different.

There’s something really lovely about seeing someone you care about have an amazing time, and enjoying yourself in the process.

If you think you might be jealous then there's your answer. You could ruin your relationship. You have to have an incredibly strong relationship without any insecurities for it to work. I couldn't do it from that point alone but each to their own.

My friends did this and initially raved about how amazing it was and how much closer it made them. After 15 years of marriage they were divorced within the year.

But the other woman would be a willing participant. Unless the OP is planning on paying a sex worker, the other woman would be someone who wants the experience just as much as the couple does and is actively looking for a no-strings attached sexual experience. There’s no exploitation involved. It’s three people having a fully consensual sexual encounter.

OP, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a threesome if you really want one, but if you’re worried about being jealous… I think you almost certainly will be jealous. Ignore the people being judgemental and unpleasant; it’s perfectly OK for consenting adults to do whatever they want with whoever they want in bed and if you had no misgivings I’d be telling you to get on and enjoy yourself. But I don’t think it’s something that will work out if you have any doubts whatsoever, and you obviously do have some doubts.

To be fair sex is a pretty big part of many people’s lives. Nothing wrong with that.

I wouldn’t only because you said you might get jealous.

My sister was a unicorn for a couple and it was great until she realized she wanted the relationship they had with each other.

I know this might come as a surprise to a lot of Mumsnetters, but some people do actually really enjoy sex and find it a good way to spend their time. There’s nothing wrong or weird about the pursuit of pleasure. If you’d rather have a cup of tea or a trip to B&Q, that’s fine. But surely you must realise that for a lot of people, sex is intensely enjoyable and fun and absolutely worth spending time doing and thinking about?

I would agree that going to a club, where you could get an idea of what you do and don’t want to do and what your comfort levels are, would be a better idea than just going straight for a private threesome.

Personally I'd steer clear of introducing threesomes in previously monogamous, committed relationships - they're best left to casual hook-ups or situationships, where no one will be that upset if it all falls apart. Or relationships that start off as open, I suppose.

I think that otherwise they create too much instability and potential for jealousy, infatuation, and relationship breakup - and the fact that you're already worried doesn't bode well.