To want daughter to honour our agreement with new car

[ForZanyTraybake]

I was widowed recently and as I don't drive I bought my daughter a brand new car so that we could use it for shopping and she could go to work in it. After just a couple of months she's driving her boyfriend everywhere in it, he never takes her anywhere in his car, and she never takes me shopping anymore. Am I being unreasonable if I tell her I want her to stop driving him about and I want her to take me shopping so that I don't have to get cabs?

I don't know the ages of the people involved here which would change how I'd approach it.

YABU - if it's her car she's allowed to drive her boyf around in it, that's her call as long as she's paying for the fuel or splitting with him.

YANBU - if the car was bought on the proviso that she takes you to the shop, she absolutely should be taking you to the shop.

However - you need to be clear about when, how often etc so you both know the expectation. It would be unreasonable to expect her to be at your beck and call.

Again, the age thing comes in. If she's 17 or 25 I'd have different expectations and different ways of talking about it.

As she's presumably becoming more independent and will continue getting older and probably move out as some point, do you have any plans for what happens there? I know you don't drive, but are you able to learn? It would make such a difference to your independence.

Finally, I'm sorry to hear about your recent bereavement.

Am I being unreasonable if I tell her I want her to stop driving him about and I want her to take me shopping so that I don't have to get cabs?

Not unreasonable to insist she takes you shopping.

I don’t understand the problem with her driving the boyfriend if she is silly/happy enough to do it, or is it that you are somehow paying for the fuel being used to do this? If this is the case, just stop paying for fuel.

But the car was bought for her with that specific agreement of taking OP shopping.

Or her dd could honour the condition under which she was given a new car? Just a thought…..

Take the car back, shop online, get a taxi when you need to go somewhere, don't enter into financial arrangements with people who have shown that they can't be trusted.

You can't dictate which other people she chooses to ferry about in the car. No.

But you can certainly say you want her to take you shopping once a week on a mutually convenient day or time as that was part of the reason you got her the car.

But ultimately she's entitled to move about in it with whoever she chooses when she's not helping you.

What an unpleasant and heartless response. This lady has just lost her husband. Have some respect.

Is the car registered in her name or your name?

If it is registered in your name I would casually mention that you are thinking of selling it and putting the money in a taxi fund for your own use as the arrangement for lifts isn’t working ( which is what you should have done in the first place).

If it is in her name then you will sadly have to put up her rent/ contribution to household expenses by £25 a week to offset the cost of cabs as the arrangement for lifts isn’t working.

Bereavement happens to most of us sooner or later and does not confer the right to cast the entire burden of one's existence onto someone else.

Just so you know you are the owner of that car regardless of whether she is the registered keeper. You have the right to take the car from her as the owner.

My partner bought me a lovely car. He gifted it to me. I am the registered keeper and yet I am fully aware that if we broke up , the fact that he paid for the car means that legally he owns it. When we talk about ‘my car’ I am always clear that I know full well it is ‘his’ car.

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast this isn't the legal position is it?
If OP's Dd decides to take the car and move to another city, OP won't really be able to object.

Just googled and come up with this - If s/he paid for the car and intended it as a gift, ownership transfers to the recipient upon delivery, even if the purchaser paid for it and holds the receipt.
So it depends on if it's a gift and there proof of gifting.

You don't understand what a gift means.

That's not an option for me as I have epilepsy

You should have bought yourself a car that she could only borrow with your permission.

Are you the registered keeper, or your daughter?

Make firm plans up front for a time to do your shopping every week.
Ask DD to put it in her diary.

For other odd appointments and small shops, ask her boyfriend to run you about in his car. Make a bet DD is soon offering to take you when she sees her boyfriend being kind.

Going shopping once a week isn't a burden though is it?

The car is registered in my name

She can do what she likes but should take you shopping.
Why don’t you tell her what day you want to go - giving a few days notice x

I think sort out an alternate driver just to remind her it's your car loaned to her for getting to work.

And maybe make it so she has to ask you or at least agree beforehand when she is taking the car. If you had got alternate driver and plans she can't just take the car.

But have you told her it's hers? The OP says I bought my daughter a brand new car

Registered keeper doesn’t have to be the owner. It even says so on the V5 . The owner paid/ pays for the car or received it as a gift, but the "registered keeper" is the person who is officially responsible for the car in its day-to-day use. Not necessarily the same person. I owned 2 cars, let my OH have the use of one, even after I left him, but it was still my car. I gifted it to my son, eventually.

I don't see why driving him around should be an issue but you should state the aho0ing must continue and you want to do it on x time on x day. That way she knows clearly when she has to keep her end of the bargain. Also, maybe take lessons yourself so you can drive yourself (therefore only allowing her use of the car for work)

Doesn’t matter who is on the registration document . The owner can be a different person to the registered keeper

I personally would either be having big words with her or selling it.
You bought a car so she could get to work and take you shopping once a week.
She’s treating it like her own possession.
I would remind her that it’s your car and she needs to stick to the agreement and whilst you don’t mind her using it socially too you are concerned about the mileage she is doing constantly running her BF round when he too has a car.
She is really selfish making you use taxis to do the shopping - I bet she eats some of the stuff you buy too!

I get why she chooses to drive, I prefer to drive than being driven by someone so I'm always the one that volunteers for driving duties