AIBU to think this punishment is unreasonable?

[teamaven]

This is probably going to be divisive 💀 not looking for any judgment, only opinions.

My DD has just turned 5. I got a message from her teacher to say that at playtime, a child (boy also aged 5) had snatched some flowers off my daughter that she had picked at playtime. My daughter in turn hit the child, and therefore was to lose the next day’s lunchtime play. I will just add that she is not violent and this up until now has been a one off.

My first reaction was a bit horrified that she would hit someone and I was disappointed.

However, the first reaction of multiple family members have been ‘well they shouldn’t have snatched her flowers off of her, there you go’. My family is very well respected, especially my dad who is very professional so I was a bit shocked he would say this! But after much thought 🤷🏼‍♀️ 🤷🏼‍♀️. At the least I think both children should have been told off in this situation.

What are your opinions - before I draft my reply to the teacher?

There does need to be a consequence for hitting so I wouldn't dispute that but on general I would be monitoring going forward because schools enable that shit from boys and then punish girls for reacting.

OP has confirmed several times on this thread that the flowers were daisies and dandelions.

In the boxing community?!

Please don't bother the teacher with this pettiness.
I'm sure the other child was corrected for snatching but the school likely has a zero tolerance approach to violence.
You can't expect the be told how the teacher deals with another child, only your own.

Honestly, a face year old snatched flowers - are you seriously nursing a desire for retribution about this? Let it go.

Obviously your daughter got a sanction for hitting someone. School would be remiss if they ignored that - surely you agree?

I can't fathom what the "respectability" of your family has to do with it. Are we supposed to believe their opinions count for more, somehow, than those of the proletariat flower-snatching scum?

(I am being facetious, obviously, but also I think I have a point .....)

I wouldn't be concerned if my DD did this, its normal behaviour for a 5 year old. I would support the school and speak to DD about how else she could have handled it. Then I would consider it done.

In my house we have a saying, you do the crime, you do the time! I have older kids and if they break school rules I'm not ringing up for them...

I think it’s good to teach her to stand up for herself and the appropriate and inappropriate ways of doing this. She’s 5 for goodness sake I find it really hard to believe she hasn’t hit another child in frustration before now. I wouldn’t be too disappointed that seems excessive just use it as a learning experience. No doubt you’ll come across trickier situations to navigate in the next few years.

I wouldn't consider snatching something from another child and hitting to be equally bad so I don't think it's unreasonable if her punishment was worse.

It feels lie an OTT punishment for a 5yo who acted impulsively and doesn't have a history of violence though.

But of course it is - you are entitled to defend your property from robbery and your body from assault. (Yes, you might decide it's safer to let the property go in the moment or be frozen and unable to act). What would you want to do if someone snatched your house keys from your hands?

Five is a bit too little to teach the nuances of self defence and the circumstances when hitting is a reasonable response. But bear this in mind for when she's older - she doesn't have to let people steal from her and there are differences between real world rules and school rules.

So let me get this straight. You daughter picked some flowers and another kid ( boy ) snatched them from her and she turned around and popped him one. Well me personally I would have bought her an ice cream. She stood up for herself. See this is the problem with society. You raise children to be victims. If more people took their children to maybe boxing or some self defence classes and raised them not to be victims and to stick up for themselves against bullies there would be less bullying.

I couldn’t disagree with you more. You think every time a kid feels annoyed at another kid, they should whack them? Can you really imagine what school (or actual real life) would be like if this was acceptable?

I'd punch someone if they snatched anything belonging to me. To snatch is to steal

If someone at work rudely snatched some documents out of your hands, you wouldn't punch them.
Or if you did, you'd be fired.

So I might be on my own here. What I don’t agree with is the punishment happening for next day for a 5 year old. Punishments need to be immediate. Each day should be a new fresh start. Even worse when the incident happens on a Friday and they’ve been told they’ll loose break or lunch on the Monday. Too long between.

Consequences should be within the same day and also appropriate to the incident. Maybe on the day of the incident OPs child should have immediately been told off and made to sit out the rest of playtime

@marcyhermit If it was my personal belongings at work, maybe not but they'd be told to fuck off. A guy in a bally on a bike tried to steal my phone out of my hand recently so I kicked him off his bike in front of police. Robber got carted off and I got a smiley telling off. Don't try and steal my stuff.

Not the point of the thread I know but I don’t like kids or anyone picking flowers from public areas!

Sorry, not helpful!

I think frankly anyone who is a bully deserves a slap, and in my experience that tends to make them back off . However I stand by my comments tpanout internalised misogyny and bloody be kind and boys will be boys shit.

Dear me
That really is a woke reply. Can't you think for yourself!
This incident is just general typical, playground behaviour for that age group.

Did he apologise for snatching the flowers from her. Maybe he frightened her.

I don't think he will do it again .Do you !

The child shouldn’t have snatched the flowers if your dd had told a teacher the child would have (presumably ) been told off. But she hit him so that was his punishment he didn’t need to be told off as well. Your dd needs to be disciplined as hitting is unacceptable

Amd whst if it happened at the end of playtime?

It’s not woke to expect children not to hit other children or be hit by other children in school….

It’s also not woke to teach children that it’s not ok to hit each other….

Can you not see how this response completely undermines all respect and authority in school and leads to the mess we currently have?
Parents want their children to attend schools where children are all well behaved. They want consequences in place to allow this to happen and be the reality. However, they don’t want those consequences in play when it comes to their child. When it’s their child, they make up their own rules and challenge the rules of the school, undermining them. Each set of parents have their own rules. This all leading to the chaos we have which is clearly the schools fault.

What does ‘very professional’ mean?

Completely agree. So nasty to draw it out like that.