AIBU to think this punishment is unreasonable?

[teamaven]

This is probably going to be divisive 💀 not looking for any judgment, only opinions.

My DD has just turned 5. I got a message from her teacher to say that at playtime, a child (boy also aged 5) had snatched some flowers off my daughter that she had picked at playtime. My daughter in turn hit the child, and therefore was to lose the next day’s lunchtime play. I will just add that she is not violent and this up until now has been a one off.

My first reaction was a bit horrified that she would hit someone and I was disappointed.

However, the first reaction of multiple family members have been ‘well they shouldn’t have snatched her flowers off of her, there you go’. My family is very well respected, especially my dad who is very professional so I was a bit shocked he would say this! But after much thought 🤷🏼‍♀️ 🤷🏼‍♀️. At the least I think both children should have been told off in this situation.

What are your opinions - before I draft my reply to the teacher?

Snatching is a fat lesser 'crime' than hitting. One is pretty standard 5 year old behaviour that the child will be told not to repeat, and the other is more serious...they should not be treated the same.

Don't do this wtf

I disagree, I would think ignoring/not acknowledging the message is rude. Also, I respect the teacher highly but it doesn’t mean I have to agree.

Give over the kids are 5, dangerous behaviour, holy crap. Kids lash out, they are emotional and impulsive beings. They haven't learnt social situations and it's expected once in a while when boundaries or wants are, shall we say, expressed.

It's something of nothing tbh. The school I work at we'd explain actions and consequences and sanction both children for their part immediately, in the moment then move the fuck on.

Agreed. I would also remind @stichguru that girls need to stand up to bullying little boys to prevent themselves becoming a target for male aggression. So much ingrained misogyny sloshing around.

What message was ignored?

It’s OP that’s not moving on .

That's utterly stupid to hang a punishment over a 5 year old for a weekend when they definitely wouldn't connect the action to the punishment. That is ridiculous.

They are five.
FIVE.
Stop projecting.

How do you know the other child wasn't told off?

Your kid has to learn that she can't just go walloping people whenever they do something she doesn't like.

I wouldn't either, it's not an appropriate punishment for a 5 year old.

Action on a Friday, punishment on a Monday and a whole lunch break missed.

Unless I've read something wrong, which is entirely possible as I'm knackered, it seems overkill for 5 year olds.

You don't agree with your daughter being sensibly and proportionately shown that hitting has consequences? Poor teacher!

The boy snatched, and he got hit for it. I’d say that’s punishment enough. Your daughter shouldn’t have hit him and of course there should be a consequence.

If she is in her 20s and someone attempts to snatch her bag/purse, what would you expect her reaction to be?
This little girl had put effort into picking flowers for a reason and the other child stole them from her. I would expect both children to be sanctioned.

OP, although the school can't tell you the name of the other child, they can assure you that he, too, has been sanctioned

Good on your daughter for defending herself and her interests

I think this punishment is too harsh for a Reception age child. The punishment shouldn’t be the next day and both children should’ve been equally disciplined.

The punishment seems suitable. Let it go and talk to your daughter about not hitting.

Your daughter already punished that boy

Actions have consequences for them both imo… I highly doubt this boy will steal her flowers again. She does need to be punished but equally the boy needs to know what he did is wrong too. I also think we have to remember that they are both 5.

Be honest OP - if your daughter had been hit because she snatched flowers off another kid, would you view the actions of both children as equally serious/deserving of consequences?

5 year olds will be 5 year olds, they will fall out, snatch things, and sometimes hit or fight. Schools can't show any kind of tolerance for hitting as a way of dealing with a problem though.

How do you know the other child wasn’t punished?
I don’t think you need to reply, unless you just want to thank them for informing you, and let them know you’ll speak to her at home about how it’s wrong to hit others and she should tell a teacher if someone upsets her, instead of lashing out.

of course

I think there’s a very significant difference between the behaviour of the boy and your daughter. Of course the boy shouldn’t have snatched the flowers off your daughter, but her reaction was extreme and of course she should be sanctioned for this. If you’re going to write to the school, I think you should be apologising for behaviour and telling the teacher that you will be speaking to her about her behaviour and making it clear that hitting another child is never acceptable. Im also surprised that she was allowed to pick flowers in the playground - if all the children did this, there wouldn’t be any left to enjoy.

@teamaven I don't think that what's happened is unreasonable no
If someone had snatched something I would expect a child to tell him to give it back. If that doesn't work then I'd expect the child to tell the teacher so they could get it back.

It doesn't deserve the reaction of violence which is much worse. I'd agree with the punishment for the hitting

First lesson in life ;two wrongs don’t make a right…….however unfair that may seem.