Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

I noticed that you don’t seem to have any concern about the children that your son is persistently hurting.
Instead on focusing on your hurt feelings about the childminder addressing this very legitimate concern with you transparently and directly, you might consider how you can work with her in supporting your child with managing his feelings and minimising further physical harm to other children by keeping his nails short.

This, or a reverse

This must be a wind up. If it was true, I would say.

Cut your kid's nails - every morning and start working with your child minder on a shared approach to dealing with his temper. He is not a sweet boy. He is a dysregulated child who needs firm boundaries.

I think you really need to play ball with her on this…..

If there are more complaints she may well have to ask you to find somewhere else for him. She’s got multiple responsibilities.

You need to work on his temper/behaviour. It’s fingernails now - but what next week? Cutlery, heavier toys.

Who are the potential victims in your house? Siblings, pets, you?

Is there anything that has influenced this behaviour?

The LADO isn't the nail trimming police 😂You can't report parents!

Sorry, but she’s not being a bitch at all. In fact she’s been incredibly patient and understanding to still be accepting him after she’s already had to apologise to 5 different parents because your son has scratched their faces in temper.

Id be getting prepared for your son to be excluded from this setting. His behaviour is not sustainable and if I was one of those parents whose child was coming home with marks on their face because your child has anger issues, I would not be impressed.

Surprised the childminder is still prepared to look after your son. Especially with your non co-operation re keeping his nails short.

Well it’s a mystery why this child is so unruly isn’t it?

What are you doing to nip this in the bud? I have a 2.5 year old and when he began to hit a while ago we managed to get him to stop with distraction and redirection and a firm but calm telling off when he did do it so he knew it wasn't acceptable behaviour.

Of course it's kid behaviour, but for the childminder she has a duty of care to ALL the children, and if one is repeatedly hurting the others leaving visible marks then she's within her rights to say she cannot provide adequate care to them with your boy in her setting. It sounds like she can't safeguard then by anticipating his temper as they are being hurt, and the quickest fix is to ask him to leave. It course it hurts as his parent but what else can she do? She's not rejecting him l, she just has to prevent his temper hurting the others in her care and nothing seems to be working for her or it would have stopped.

Perhaps a nursery with a better ratio to keep an eye on him until he grows out/is taught to stop?

So did you not cut them when you noticed they were long? It helps if you file them down as well.

Two year olds are not spiteful.

"Why is she being a bitch". Aren't you a delight. Check your DS' nails daily if you have to. You're the parent.

You are being unreasonable.

Your kid is constantly hurting other kids, she has to safeguard l the kids on her setting. If yours is the problem you need to deal with it.

Cut them every other day if necessary, but teach your child not to lash out when angry!!

Perhaps you need to do it more regularly. I'm sure she will look to remove him from the setting if this continues, I would.

Reads a bit like a reverse however.

Nothing in the message was aggressive, the childminder has been straight coming with you and is telling you there is an issue. She’s receiving angry messages from other parents due to your child scratching them. She very well may stop accepting your child if it’s causing her problems as other parents may look elsewhere.

Your reaction to this message is poor. You knew his nails were long.

She’s not being a bitch!!
FFS
Shes ensuring that the children in her care are not being hurt by another child!!
Im sure you’d be the first to complain if another child hurt your son whilst with someone else!!

I'd be taking him to A&E immediately to find out why his nails grow so fast and sharp. Could he be part werewolf?

So you noticed they were long...but didnt cut them-as requested- instead sending him in with them long for him to scratch. She's not being a bitch. Your being seriously unreasonable

File his nails every day and call them naughty, scratchy nails. Then cover them with woollen gloves.
Allow the child care centre to withdraw DS from playing with other children if he does not wear his gloves.

It has gone on far too long and too many children are being injured. He is two and a half, not one. You need to impress on your DS that scratching is completely out of line.

Do you remind him that he scratched and hurt a friend?
Do you immediately send him to his room and ask him to wear woolley gloves? And do so if he scratches at home.

I’m surprised she still kept him on…..

What do you say to this?

A grovelling apology to begin with.
Then a meeting to discuss how to tackle his bad behaviour to find a mutual way to discipline the 'sweet boy' so you are both on the same page.

But to be honest if my kid was being repeatedly injured by another child, I wouldn't be calm about it. Your kid needs to learn consequences.

So you’d be absolutely fine if your son was coming home scratched constantly from a child lashing out at him and think the childminder was being a bitch to other parents if she raised your complaints with them? Yeah, didn’t think so.

Erm cut his nails?

Bitch???? Are you ok?

maybe you need to file your sons nails as well as cutting them, in case you are leaving sharp bits. Maybe you need to do it daily and look at ways of dealing with your son’s behaviour instead of calling her a bitch?

Childminder friend of mine is looking after a devil child at the moment, and has had scratches to her face and will also lunge after other children, the parents just say "all children go through this stage" when she's discussed it with them. It's constant, it's not right and parents need to help their child and the childminder in any way, with the behavioural problems and at the very least, cutting their flipping nails. Not cool OP.