Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

If worried, then cut his nails and do something about his concerning behavioural problem.

My daughter has a scar on her face that's 2 years old now from a kid who was very scratchy/bitey at nursery. We had meetings with nursery about it and were told they were considering "excluding" the child in question. They tried to work with the parents to improve his behaviour but thankfully they moved shortly afterwards. It still makes me so cross that another kid has marked my daughter like this. Get it sorted, the childminder and the other parents are not the issue here.

So you agree that they were long?! Clearly weekly cutting isn’t enough. Why are you not doing as you’ve been asked to save the other children from injury?

I really do think that probably half all the interesting threads on MN these days are not genuine. I'm not sure who is writing them or why, but they are definitely not legit.

I’m annoyed I fell for this shite

I really think you need to find another childminder as you clearly have no respect for this one. That’s a reasonable request. Why are you not doing it? Takes 2 mins each evening to check and trim.

So I think youre lucky shes just asking his nails be trimmed.

Id be telling you to address his behaviour or he wouldnt be welcome back. Grabbing faces and trying to hurt other people isnt acceptable and even at 2.5 hes old enough to understand that.

Its not sweet, and "bit of a temper" isnt acceptable, expecially when thats how violence towards his peers is dismissed. Its not a bit of a temper its unacceptable behaviour

Knowing they were the cause of a problem why did you not cut his nails this morning when you noticed they were long instead of sending him out with long nails? If the problem continues she would be justified in asking you to remove him to protect other children.

I would.

Id be furious if my 3 year old told me a boy at nursery had "a bit of a temper" and grabbed at her face, nevermind if he had nails long enough to leave marks. She has at least 5 other kids to protect

The sweet little boy with a bit of a temper will be a little shit by the end of primary. Cut his nails and start to ensure he knows what he must not do. He is not too young to start on this.

It’s not your ds she might be wanting to let go… it will be you. That may sound harsh but you are not keeping up your end and that is having consequences in her home.

There's a flood of them but I'm not sure I'd say they're interesting.

She’s not being a bitch! What’s wrong with you? She’s running a business and practicing safeguarding of the other children, which is completely acceptable. Your child has behavioural issues and I’d be addressing those before name calling your childminder.

I don't think his nails are the problem - his behaviour and anger are. The childminder isn't being a bitch either. They are trying to protect all the other children who are being injured by your DC. __

You’d be right to be worried, I think she will soon be refusing to have him.

I had exactly the same thought today and was wondering how people could think up such ideas. Maybe AI is cleverer than we think?

I kind of hope the childminder is on here and tells you to take your attitude elsewhere

Let’s be honest, you’ve called her a bitch here for trying to ensure other children aren’t continually hurt by your child. I’m not sure I’d want him, or you for that matter, back either!

Cut his nails more often. Make sure there are no sharp edges. That's it, that's all you have to do.

Why is she being a bitch?

surely the question should be how do I teach my child not to scratch others and be violent

Yeah, she's such a bitch for not ditching you as a client or wanting to deal with other parents being upset that your son is hurting them.

No, you aren't there, but you have zero shame or empathy. You haven't posted for help to resolve the issue. The world doesnt revolve around you amd your son. Other kids aren't collateral damage objects in your son's "development journey". Real people who are fed up.

Is this a case of children having children and being unable to be a parent? Because your OP makes you sound about 17.

You need to cut his nails, give her permission to cut his nails and put gloves on him; and tell him he can only get treats and rewards if he has had kind hands

You need to cut them then use a file to tile them right down so the ends of his fingers are soft and not ‘nails’. Then file every other day so if you do accidentally miss a day the other kids aren’t as damaged as they are.

I would go mad too if I was one of the other parents.

How often does he go?

Imagine if your child was being repeatedly scratched whilst with the child minder. Whilst you can't do much when you aren't there, you can crack down on this behaviour when he is with you and support the child minder in how she is choosing to deal with it. Keeping his nails short is the least you can do.

I say this as the mum of a dc who was repeatedly biting other children and it took lots of work to nip this behaviour in the bud! However, it was my issue to solve. Not the nursery's!