Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

His behaviour isn't normal despite his age. Please see hv. Any other concerns?

Imagine it was the other way around and your child coming home more than once with visible marks. Shes every right to say she can't look after him anymore if its affecting other children

This 100%

she is not being a bitch. if it was the other way round, you’d want her to protect your child surly?

Wow. You need a reality check. Roles reversed and your perfect little prince had his face constantly scratched by a kid with a temper at daycare? You’d be up in arms.

My son went through an awful phase of scratching other kids too - we were so apologetic to the childminder and parents, cut his nails every couple of days and worked with him at home on gentle touching. He grew out of it in a few weeks. It’s really not that hard…..

Were I your childminder, I would have served you notice already. And that's without knowing you referred to me as a "bitch".

Your "sweet boy with a bit of a temper" is a danger to other children - "there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face."

Get a fucking grip and stop minimising the issue.

Is this one of those stupid reverses? Are you the childminder?

very unreasonable to downplay the behaviour like this, and ESPECIALLY to leave him with long, scratchy nails. I had a child with long scratchy nails in my class once, asked the parents to cut them and they had to do it when he was asleep, but they did it.

File them with a kids nail file so they are gently rounded and won't scratch.

Definitely a rage baiting post. 8 pages in and only one response from the OP on page 1. This is also the only post under this username. Why do people do this and why do I always get drawn in 😂. OP, find a hobby (and I’ll find one too).

Does he get his temper from you?
Do what has been requested of you and address the issues your son is creating and you won't get texts at all

OP are you the parent who inspired this skit? 🤣 vm.tiktok.com/ZNR9xPo9M/

She's protecting other children and her livelihood. If people start taking their children out of her care she loses massively. If I were a childminder I'd rather lose 1 child than 4 or 5 that have been scratched by another child.

It’s weird isn’t it? I couldn’t imagine sitting down and deciding to create a username with the sole purpose of making up a thread. Thankfully it must mean I have a life, rather than being someone who needs to get one.

And so it begins.

You stop thinking that people who don't want your child to lash out and hurt others are "bitches".
You teach your child to be kind to other children and not hurt them.
If your child is regularly scratching others and you can't stop it, you look after him at home. or pay for a one-on-one nanny so that he only has contact with other children with someone watching him every second to stop him lashing out. Or you pay for one-on-one care in nursery.

That 'bitch' has a duty of care to ALL the children. I wouldn't want to pick my child up with scratches on their face. I've enough fine scars on my face from my sister using scratching as her preferred method of lashing out at me when we were little. You can't control what he's doing when he's there BUT you 100% can take responsibility to make sure his nails are kept on top of and drumming it into him not to scratch the other kids!

You should be grateful the other parents are using the childminder as a middle ground because if it happened to mine repeatedly, I'd be wanting to speak to you directly. Imagine how you're going to justify yourself when you have a few parents getting at you.

Explain?

If your son has assaulted/injured other children on ten occasions, then I think your childminder is being unreasonable to continue to look after your son, when she has a duty of care to the other children. If I was the parent of one of the children he injured, I would expect her to stop caring for him, or I would be looking for another person where my child would be safe.

Cut his nails. She needs to watch him like a hawk - hes probably doing this from frustration or community issue. The alternative could be biting which arguably is worse.
She may not feel she can provide him with the supervision he needs so that’s somthintri consider.
i don’t think she is being a bitch

YABVU

You absolutely should be keeping his nails super short if he’s prone to lashing out. But she absolutely should be putting things in place for this not to happen. It’s not ok for her to blame you for him lashing out at other children, he’s 2.5 she’s a professional childcare provider. She needs to use professional techniques to stop this, including if necessary to involve SENCO support. We have a similar situation with a child at our kids nursery who keeps biting (or trying to bite) and the staff have a whole plan for dealing with it. It’s not fair of her to try and put the blame on you.

You need to file his nails as well as cut them if he's using them to lash out at others.

Agree with everyone saying your childminder isn't the problem here, surprised she hasn't refused to take him by now.

I think you’re in the last chance saloon with the childminder, OP. Prepare to find alternative care. And more importantly, you need to adjust your mindset about your child. Little children don’t have ‘a bit of a temper’ that other people need to accommodate. They have behaviour that needs better managing, and possibly SEN to rule out.

Just cut his nails! She’s not being a bitch at all

This is clearly not a nails problems it's a behaviour problem. Have you looked at the triggers for his temper that you talk about? What is happening before he lashes out - have you asked the childminder?

I would be spending time investigating this rather than thinking the childminder is unreasonable. I would also be pissed off if my child came home from day care with scratches on their face caused by another child's angry outburst - I'm sure you would too OP.