Daughter (13) has pierced own ears

[EllaMozarella]

Hello MN,
Noticed this eve that instead of 2 earrings in each ear, my child now has 3…
Pierced her ‘3rds’ herself on Friday, used a needle which she cleaned with anti-bac gel. 😮
I was really angry & immediately confiscated her phone, cancelled her plans for after school tomorrow, made her clean the bathroom & have an early bedtime. Now I just feel really surprised that she did it herself & hid it for 4 days… HOW?
AIBU to be cross, & mega disappointed (I am also relieved she hasn’t had any infections…. Yet!?)

I’d be thinking our relationship must have broken down that she didn’t feel she could come and ask me for the third piercing and be trying to build that with open communication setting clear boundaries for the future - no more home piercings because my job is to keep my child safe. Your actions are just going to break the relationship further and build a wall between you! (Mum of 3 teens aged 14-18).

I pierced my own tongue age 18 so you need to take a massive chill.

Haha, she sounds brilliant to be fair. And you’ve overreacted. Teenagers have been doing dodgy home piercings since the dawn of time.

My nan and her sisters all did each other’s ears with a darning needle, and that was c. 1930 😁

Same!

My DD(12) pierced her own septum about 6 months ago, with a piercing kit from blooming Amazon. I eyerolled, made her take it out and binned the £20 kit and fabulous sterile piercings it came with.
I think you over reacted a bit, it's not the end of the world and any infection is her problem in terms of it being sore.

Jesus OP. You made her clean the bathroom for that? Why?

I did mine by holding two ice cubes on lobe and pushed stud through. I can’t remember if I cleaned stud, it was a long time ago. I am still here to tell the tale.

We all did stupid shit like this at her age, didn’t we? It’s just part of being a teenager. I really don’t think it’s worth an extreme reaction. On the plus side, she probably doesn’t have any earlobe left to pierce and cartilage is considerably harder to self-pierce. Although it might be worth showing her some photos of shattered cartilage and keloid scars so she’s definitely put off the idea of DIY piercings in any more adventurous locations!

Yeah I was also confused. If I wanted more piercings as a teenager I just asked mum and she took me to the tattoo parlour because all she was concerned about was that they were done properly 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d be so cross if my daughter did her own piercings instead of having them done properly.

I pierced 2 of my friends' ears in the school toilet at the same age. I wouldn't let them do it to me because a) my Mum would have killed me and b) I was a secret woos!

I think that’s really extreme reaction and harsh punishments for something that’s a bit stupid but not life changing. Make sure they are clean and tell her off but don’t be so hard she’ll never come to you again ( she hid it for a reason and you’ve reinforced that )

Calm down! If my Mother had over reacted like that when I was a teenager I would probably have come home covered in tattoos just to wind her up. (She learned quick after I dyed my hair purple 😆).

I wouldn't punish her for this, certainly not to the extent you have. At the same age my friend and I pierced each other's by forcing through a pair of studs. We didn't even clean them.

Mu mum banned me from having a second hole so I did my own. 38 years on I still love them and have a bit of a 'fuck you' moment 🤣

Btw it's really easy especially if you numb it with ice first!

you have really overreacted. It’s just a teenage thing to do.

out of interest, had she asked you to get the 2nds done ? Lots of my friends pierced their own ears. I didn’t because I asked my mum and she took me to get the 2nds done professionally.

Ah granted I was older than 13, but I definitely remember getting my ears pierced a second time at 15 and my mum also was not happy (though I didnt DIY them!) and then at 18 I quite confidently walked into the tattoo/piercing studio fullin intent on getting a tattoo and then chickened.our and got my ears pierced for the 3rd time!

I will say though as far as life regrets go, ear piercings are VERY VERY low on the list!!!

Honestly at the end of the day, piercings can heal. I haven't really worn earrings for about 13 years of my current job and my second and third ear piercings have basically healed up now (I can occasionally if needed force some earrings into the original -wonky!-piercings though!

In the grand scheme of things whilst it's a little disappoining she went behind your back and did it herself you can at least know that it technically isn't permanent!

I did my seconds at about age 12 myself with a needle and an ice cube 🤣

Doing your own piercing is a rite of passage into the teenage years.

The punishments you have dished out seem rather extreme.

I think I'd rather have a teen taking intitative and experimenting a little in life, than a cotton wool wrapped child who dares to try something new.

Just keep communication open and suggest she clean them with salt water. And be proud that you have a very normal teenager.

She said "Don't come running when it gets infected

And this phrase was all of our mum's rite of passage into raising a teenager 😂

I added three holes to my right ear using an ice cube and piercing studs when I was 14, and two of them are still usable! My mum was strict and kind of hit the roof (I was pleased because I wanted to shock her - complicated relationship), but even she didn’t punish me.

i did my own ear also when a teenager, ice cube and sterilised needle through a flame, people used to come up to me at school with a safety pin asking me to do their ears! #
i had no punishment at all.

As a professional body piercer, this is how i started! There's good money to be made in it, cut her some slack!!!

My friends and I did this years ago! We got a frozen sausage to hold behind the ear then went in to the lobe with a needle that we had sterilised with a match flame.

Piercing your ears with a needle is almost like a right of passage. I did mine at that age with ice, a needle and an apple. It’s not something I could get upset about

punishments are beyond extreme

Reminded me of the time my brother and his friends had made their own bmx track and when he came home to get his bmx to ride on it and my mum said “don’t come running to me when you break both your legs” 😂

he told her he couldn’t run anywhere with 2 broken legs anyway and left haha