Daughter (13) has pierced own ears

[EllaMozarella]

Hello MN,
Noticed this eve that instead of 2 earrings in each ear, my child now has 3…
Pierced her ‘3rds’ herself on Friday, used a needle which she cleaned with anti-bac gel. 😮
I was really angry & immediately confiscated her phone, cancelled her plans for after school tomorrow, made her clean the bathroom & have an early bedtime. Now I just feel really surprised that she did it herself & hid it for 4 days… HOW?
AIBU to be cross, & mega disappointed (I am also relieved she hasn’t had any infections…. Yet!?)

I read this earlier, and I am still laughing about the sausage.

😂

I must be a total wimp because that scares me! No way could I do it myself. 😬
I don't know about punishing her...
at 14 I used money that was meant for school clothes to get another ear piercing instead. 🤷‍♀️

Or the:

Look mum no hands
Look mum no teeth
😀

I grew up with three brothers and we were masters at riding our bikes without holding onto the handles. Our mum loved this phrase and used it often.

While on the topic, my eldest brother had both legs and an arm in plaster at one time. This was not from a BMX incident however, this was the unfortunate ending to him being rolled down a hill inside a tractor tube.

Now I think about it, he didn't even have a wheelchair to use. He shuffled around and we pushed him around outside in the wheelbarrow. We had wooden floors and we would pull him up and down the hall on a sleeping bag.

My poor mum. No wonder she was happy when we all cleared off to our own houses 😂

Massively appreciate everyone’s comments.
Can’t answer all the questions but…
-She never asked for ‘3rds’ which is why I was shocked
-Was disappointed as she’s very open & usually not secretive about stuff (or maybe she is).
-Didn’t use ice or anything to numb the pain, cross because very worried about potential infection.
-Agree the immediate punishments harsh, have since apologised & allowing her after-school plans to go ahead…

Has just been me & my daughter since she was 15 months old. I probably do need to ‘chill’ as many of you have said, just felt really shocked last night that she did this. This is why I love Mumsnet.
Def needed to give my head a wobble, so thanks all.

Well done @EllaMozarella

Sometimes as Mum's it's hard not to lose perspective-you did a great job recovering on this one.

You always want to be the person she will come to so you being too heavy handed may stop her telling you things-but sounds like you have a great relationship!

If it’s not like her to be secretive, does she actually think she was secretive about this? Or did she just not think it was a big deal and therefore didn’t mention it? She might also have been a bit embarrassed because she maybe knew it wasn’t most sensible thing to do.

I think you did the right thing apologising, it’s not always easy.

Another Well Done to you, EllaMozzarella.
You modelled so much that was positive to her; your reaction was strong enough for her to (hopefully) take her responsibilities to herself more seriously. And your maturity & thoughtfulness in reducing this is also meaningful as it shows how you’ve thought it all through & decided to be gentler with her. Given you’ve been so close for so long, I think your handling of this mini-drama will have only strengthened your relationship. She is very fortunate to have you as her Mum.

Good for apologizing for being so harsh. You set a good example of what to do when you overreact.

That said, she's 13 and I can see why she wouldn't run another piercing by you because she's already got some. She's got body autonomy. I think you should give her phone back to if you haven't.

Ahh that’s what I thought but it didn’t come up when I googled it. I’ve changed internet providers and turns out they’ve turned automatically turned safe search on

Ah GenX were ahead of the curve when it comes to this caper. I never had the balls to do it myself but plenty did.

Not to mention the fact that no one could do up their jeans for at least a year after the optional belly button piercing😂

When I did mine I was partly wanting more earrings but also just wanted to do it. I wanted to see if it was possible and once I did one, I wanted to do more. It was a self testing thing. Asking my mum to take me to a piercing place wouldn't have been the point. Infection in ears is not that common and if it did get infected so what? Remove the earrings and keep it clean. She's starting to separate from you and wants some things for herself - it's not secretive, it's independent thinking.

My daughter did the same over Zoom
with her best friend during Covid, with the help of an ice cube apparently! Aged about 15 I think. Tbh I was pretty blasé about it- there are worse teen behaviours. It will heal if you don’t want her to have it. Make sure she keeps it clean!

Two of my daughters have done this, although slightly older. I was horrified on both occasions. How painful that must be! Once I calmed down they had both made a good job of it, sterile, in the right place etc I know it’s not ideal but things could be worse.

I did 2 in each lobe at age 10 when my mum said no piercings. I don't remember cleaning the needle though. My mum went crazy and took them out. I think it's fair enough you've told her off.
Why didn't she ask you if she could get it done professionally?

Yeah, because you have what is still a little girl.

Give it 3-4 years.

I dunno, my daughter has 3 in each ear, a nose ring, and a belly button ring that were done professionally, and is saving for an eyebrow piercing.

Didnt stop her doing the other side of her nose herself twice 🤷‍♀️

Teenagers are experimental and impulsive and sometimes they want to do little rebellious things by themselves. It’s exciting for them.

Only the mind of a teen could come up with that.🤣🤣

Funnily enough I had a terrible time with my professionally done ones getting infected,the seconds that I did were absolutely fine!

I pierced my own ears at the same age, I didn’t even use a needle I just pushed the earrings in.
No lasting damage and of course I figured out myself with age and wisdom that it was a really stupid thing to do without punishment.
My parents expressed the ridiculousness of my actions and explained the dangers but no harsh punishment was given or needed.

That's what I did. Can't remember cleaning the earring, I possibly used some TCP.

Is this thread for real? Hundreds of posters poised to leap in and insist that piercing your own ears as a child is completely safe and normal? Or is it some AI exercise?

Nobody said it was safe, but it’s clearly fairly normal teen nonsense, and most of them come out unscathed!

My DD was going through some MH struggles and was a bit off the rails in her teens, and pierced herself LOADS. Loads of ears (all the cartilagey bits too) nose, belly button, septum, “smiley”… only one piercing ever got infected!

I’m glad you realised you overreacted, OP… your DD hasn’t hurt anyone, just succumbed to some impulsive teenage behaviour.

No one has said it was safe, only that it was very common and most likely fine.

Ask MNHQ if you think posters are AI - personally I've been on here since AI was but a twinkle in Sam Altman's eye. If you didn't pierce your ears or have any friends who did then that's just your experience. Loads of us did.
Nowadays less prevalent than self piercing was in the 90s but much worse- these days kids are getting tattoo machines from Temu and doing tattoos on themselves and each other. The urge to fuck with what nature gave you and test your boundaries is pretty normal for teenagers.