Daughter (13) has pierced own ears

[EllaMozarella]

Hello MN,
Noticed this eve that instead of 2 earrings in each ear, my child now has 3…
Pierced her ‘3rds’ herself on Friday, used a needle which she cleaned with anti-bac gel. 😮
I was really angry & immediately confiscated her phone, cancelled her plans for after school tomorrow, made her clean the bathroom & have an early bedtime. Now I just feel really surprised that she did it herself & hid it for 4 days… HOW?
AIBU to be cross, & mega disappointed (I am also relieved she hasn’t had any infections…. Yet!?)

My DD did the same, at 14. Brave and plucky, I thought. I wasn't cross at all although her father wasn't impressed. I took her the same afternoon to buy a pair of hyperallergenic earrings, then the following morning to the local tattooist so they could be checked. I wanted to make sure the risk of infection was minimised. The tattooist said 'Don't tell your mum but you'xve done a good job.'

There are plenty of things to get mad about but this isn't one of them.

I did the sameat a similar age. Actually, a friend did it for me one lunchtime, sitting on the classroom windowsill. My third hole in my right ear. Hid it from my mum for about 4 years I think and still have it today. I couldn’t get as worked up as you have - at least she tried to be hygienic about it. As a Head of Year I see far worse acts of teen rebellion every day.

My first was done at 3 days old i and 3 in each ear by 10 and 7 by age 14.
Went on to have other piercings, my mother said thank god it was not ink.
I only have one pair of studs in now and my lady jane.

My grandmother did that! She lived into her late 80s.

I would not be too concerned.

Same thinking

This, my mum didn't react well to me piercing my own nose thank god I changed my mind about my lip but was fine in the end but her immediate reaction to things like that that are a bit daft but not the end of the world, yelling and punishing me, meant that if I needed help with something that id done she wasn't the first person I went too, if I was stranded after drinking too much at 17, I was too scared of a telling off so made stupider mistakes (cars with strangers...) to avoid it. Don't be that person to her.

It's not a big deal really, she could've been more sensible and got it done at a reputable place but she didn't, no one died, no one made a life altering mistake and no ones in jail. She didn't deserve that reaction.

Some girls used those drawing pins they had in primary to do their ears (they were younger and it was in the most common place, the lobe). As far as I knew everyone was fine, but then no one seemed to think about infections then! Seem to remember the Supergirl film mentioned self-piercing, and doubtless there's lots of things they see online. As everyone says, not much you can do now really.

I did think the same tbh.

I still have a beautifully designed and well thought out tramp stamp with the deep & meaningful word “love” my still best friend tattooed on me with a compass and smashed biro, I’d have been about 13 and we were on detention. So naturally we needed a prison tattoo to mark the occasion.
I did one on her ankle which her mother noticed and my friend then picked the skin off and it didn’t stay. I still have a small wonky heart and love lightly scarred.
I also let her piece my nose with a piercing gun she acquired from fuck knows where. I had this great big earring sticking out,it must have looked dreadful 😂

What is a lady Jane??

Same, I'm actually shocked at the responses here!

I have an 11 year old. She does have her ears pierced (once!) but I'd be horrified by this 😂

A piercing down below.

You have completely overreacted.

What's with the bathroom clean?

So it was one less job for the OP to do?

I did 3 of my own. Have survived the last 40 odd years or so. My teen daughter has also done one of hers. It really isn’t the end of the world; more a right of passage.

Massive over reaction. If you over react like this you're leaving yourself nowhere to go when she does something serious.

I'd have checked she still wanted them, cleaned them, sterilised some decent earrings & kept an eye on them for a few weeks.

I suspect massive over reactions like that are exactly why she’s done it herself and hid it from you. A serious chat about why doing it was unsafe and at most being made to take them out would have been plenty

She pierced her ear.

I don't think it's the end of the world but why would you impose pretty drastic punishments when she's already got piercings?

I think you're being unreasonable. I'd be making sure my kid knew about clean technique while doing piercings and go over aftercare.

Did the same thing around same age or younger 😬 Also didn't even use a needle just forced an earring in 🤦🏼‍♀️
Mum didn't want me having more than one hole so think I did 2 extra in ine ear, and 3 in the other.
She said "Don't come running when it gets infected!"
It didn't and they are all good 30 odd years later 😂

And do you know what lesson has been learnt by her? To not come to you because you’ll go batshit crazy and massively punish her.

is this really a hill you want to die on? Teenagers do stupid shit because they are teenagers. And one day she might do something stupid and dangerous that is far worse than piercing her ears and she might need to come to you for help.

and also what the fuck does cleaning the bathroom have to do with piercing ears unless she’s covered said bathroom in blood and it looked like a crime scene?

massive overreaction

another here not sure why such a huge overreaction. She thought about the cleanliness and improvised. Already has 2x piercings, what's one more?!
My neice pierced my sons ear when I wasn't there. He was 9, right at the end of the summer hols before camp. His ear didnt fall off. He is fine.

When I was younger one of my friends pierced her own tongue and put a butterfly back earring in it. Now THAT was silly...

A few questions to clarify- are you angry with how it looks, or that she could have hurt herself? Did she ever mention wanting to do this before? Is her fashion pretty ‘alt’ otherwise too? It’s probably just a phase and reacting to it could be very tricky at her age.

Gently, if you just don’t like how it looks (she didn’t directly disobey you or something) I think your punishment is a bit harsh. I pierced my own seconds and thirds around her age (fire and rubbing alcohol to sanitize instead of antibac gel lol) after asking my mom to take me to get them done, she said no so I said I’d just do them myself and did while she was at work. When she got home she just rolled her eyes and told me to keep them clean. Looking back I appreciate she made it clear she didn’t like my style of wearing mostly black, cat eyes, dying my hair etc but after ~12 yo or so she didn’t try to make me do or wear anything I didn’t like. By end of uni I’d taken out the extra piercings and was a fan of sundresses and minimal makeup!

Make sure she understands DIY’ing other piercings is not likely to go smoothly like an earlobe. If an upper cartilage gets infected they may have to amputate part of her ear, belly buttons are very hard to keep clean, tongues are very dangerous etc.

I think she was already punished - that must have hurt somewhat!

We want to teach our daughters their bodies, their choice

punishment for something as simple earrings, let's hope shes not got any hidden ones for the sake of your health

I wasnt allow pierced ears till I was out the house and an adult
by 15 I had both nipples and belly button outta sheer spite 😂 Yes places didn't check my age

Ears finally done at 19 after multiple face peircings had i been simply allowed my ears, freedom to express myself i can almost grantee id had less as I wouldn't be feeling like I had no control

All pericings can be removed too, she young! Plus she also saved money! 😂