To ask you to help with a cover story for my Jewish child

[Aislyn]

My eldest is at secondary school and has suffered horrific racist bullying due to being identifiably Jewish. She never told anyone, but they guessed due to her appearance, and her saying Eastern European countries when asked 'where are you from?'

Unfortunately the school has been completely unhelpful, and refused to tackle this.

My second child is starting at second and has sen. They are at even higher risk of bullying. They have an appearance that would mean that they could be identified as Jewish, especially when citing Eastern European countries in response to the above question. Can anyone think of a cover story for my child?

(Yes, I have tried to get them a place at a Jewish school, but there is none available)

Londoners are a properly international looking lot. I think Greek or Italian would be a good shout.

Your elder child’s school are taking the pee though - they are not permitted to turn a blind eye to bullying. Can you not push it up to the governors etc? Also, I thought racial bullying was supposed to be reported to the local authority?

To be honest, the idea that you're going to give your DC a cover story is appalling. You're giving her a clear message to expect to be bullied. She's going to be terrified. She'll walk into school that first day, head down, looking like a victim and the wolves will find her because of that. Bullies are weak and lacking in self confidence. They go for people who are weaker than them. Who knows what feature they'll pick, it might be religion, it might be her coat isn't right, or she wears glasses. You need to build her up, not tear her down with a victim mentality. Don't set her up to fail.

The region we originate from has been part of different countries over the years, which is why it is not just one country. I am not naming them for privacy, but the answer may be fairly obvious to those with knowledge of history.

It’s a perfectly acceptable answer. What isn’t acceptable is anti-semitism, racism and bullying. So sorry this is happening. Sending you all love.

What is the situation with your eldest’s school? Have you gone through the complaints process? What form is the bullying taking - these kids are over 10 so can it be a police matter, especially as it’s racially motivated?

Can you speak to the school your youngest is going to pre-emptively to raise concerns?

Ok but we're your kids born there? They are not being asked where their family originates from they are being asked where THEY are from.

It's not acceptable to peers. They want to know more when it's clear the person is not ethnically British.

British people come in all colours and ethnicities btw

But if Jewish people are instantly identifiable, pretending to be Venezuelan or Moroccan isn’t going to help anyway….

And yes I have done everything possible with the eldest's school.

My grandad was from NI and would be quizzed where he was from and what football team he supported. Usually asked by bigots. I can understand why you're concerned OP. As if life isn't hard enough.

I'm sorry this has happened. If your eldest's school won't take it seriously, go to the police. Hate speech is still hate speech if a teen is saying it and it's illegal.

For your youngest, could you speak to their school ahead of time and explain your concerns?

Lots of people in London and the rest of the country dont 'look British'.

I have clearly said secondary school. Unfortunately, yes, children of this age do the above.

What has their response been?

Because they look like stereotypical Eastern European Jews. Them Telling bullies they are polish has confirmed it!

Too fucking bad though? They don’t have to pander to a minority of preteens with racist parents.
Creating a cover story for an 11 year old is absurd and it won’t have the effect you want, it will almost certainly come out as a lie over the years and then your child will be ridiculed for that.

Were you born in the uk?
Why can’t they just said ‘I’m from London’ if they get asked where they’re really from they answer ‘my parents are also from London’.
For 99% of people it’s more than sufficient.
Not everyone even feels a connection to more distant links.

Wholly unsatisfactory. There has been admission that the level of racism in the school was unacceptable, but the agreed actions have not taken place (running specific training for students and staff, and appropriate sanctions for the perpetrators)

Exactly, thank you

My dh has catholic polish heritage and “looks” jewish (I strongly suspect his ancestors converted a few pogroms
ago). Ds1 also “looks” Jewish and has been hassled at school about it. He just shrugs and says he’s not, that he’s baptised Christian and that his grandad is Polish and that’s why he has a good tan. Do you want your children tp deny their heritage? If you’re not worried about that aspect they can say whatever they like to deny their religion.

Ex teacher

yes children of this age do do this.
schools should record racist incidents and have procedures in place to support victims and deal with perpetrators. They no longer have to report to the local authority however.

if the people in question are in secondary then involving the police may be appropriate.

I’m sorry you and your children are experiencing this.

What an awful school. Have you contacted the governors??

OP what cover story were you thinking of? Is this going be sustainable when your daughter brings friends home etc? Asking her to lie, is a big commitment, even with understandable intentions.

Not necessarily. As I said, saying they’re say Greek might satisfy the bullies as an explanation as to why they are darker toned/ Mediterranean.

there aren’t any Jews in Greece so it doesn’t signal confirmation of Jewishness

Palestinian, Jordanian, Lebanese, Syrian, Egyptian?