To ask you to help with a cover story for my Jewish child

[Aislyn]

My eldest is at secondary school and has suffered horrific racist bullying due to being identifiably Jewish. She never told anyone, but they guessed due to her appearance, and her saying Eastern European countries when asked 'where are you from?'

Unfortunately the school has been completely unhelpful, and refused to tackle this.

My second child is starting at second and has sen. They are at even higher risk of bullying. They have an appearance that would mean that they could be identified as Jewish, especially when citing Eastern European countries in response to the above question. Can anyone think of a cover story for my child?

(Yes, I have tried to get them a place at a Jewish school, but there is none available)

I wonder if other forms of hate and bully related to other ethnicities would be dealt with so much doubt and 'ohhh no Londoners look like everyone'.

Yes they do of course. But bigots and bullies will take an interest in heritage and race and will use it to abuse. So please people stop being so wilfully ignorant.

I am very sorry your DC are going through this OP. The level of bigotry in this country nowadays really concerns me.

I completely understand the instinct to protect your child, but I’m not convinced a cover story is the right approach. In practice, it’s very difficult to maintain especially with several school in an area. Things like social media, friendships, school life, food and holidays all tend to bring these things out eventually. If it does come out later, it can make the situation worse rather than better.

There’s also the longer-term impact to think about. Asking a child to hide part of who they are can cause lasitng damage, and may leave them feeling that their identity is something to conceal or be ashamed of, rather than something they can feel comfortable and confident in. Surrounding them with positive role models and opportunities to engage with their culture can really help reinforce that sense of confidence. Equally, building friendships with people who are open-minded and don’t judge an entire group based on the actions of a few is important.

It might be more helpful to focus on ensuring the school is aware and supportive, and on helping your child feel secure in who they are, while being sensible about what they share and with whom. You need to be zero tolerance with school. The emphasis should be that the problem lies with others’ behaviour, not with your children.

Were your kids born in London? If so answering "London" and leaving it at that is the only correct answer. They don't need a cover story.

Just to add, whether or not your DC are identifiably Jewish from appearance or not, the solution is (as I said earlier) to escalate with the school and police until the matter is properly dealt with, until you can remove DC.
Meanwhile, build up their confidence so that they can stand up to bullying.

Don't teach your DC to lie about their heritage. That is so damaging.

i don’t understand why people keep posting “I wouldn’t know what a Jewish person looks like if they punched me in the face” well good for you, thanks for letting us know but it’s not you we’re talking about

we’re talking about anti semites who believe OPs children are Jewish, try and identify them
by finding out what country their ancestors are from and take “Eastern European country” (as previously given by older sister) as confirmation.

fwiw, I’ve mentioned my own situation a few times. The police were involved in that case and it didn’t resolve it. The child was perfectly able to stand up for themselves and stave off bullies- however this meant it escalated to physical violence on more than one occasion, and the bullied child just felt traumatised and scared from giving a bully a black eye- AND it didn’t stop it.

I don’t know why posters are desperate to deny OPs truth. It’s giving “the Jew must be lying” vibes.

No I'm not scared to go out. But I was scared in that moment.

I'm pleased that you've not been completely intimidated.

I would be honest, the lying makes it worse imo. Especially as he is autistic, he has enough to worry about.

Anti semitic abuse is fucking unacceptable. I agree with you that in London secondary schools, he will be asked where he is from, without question, often by other ethnic minority boys tbh. Lots of londoners take their heritage very seriously.

And I agree that, at the very least, low level antisemitism was rife among boys when I was at a London secondary school, albeit years ago. 'Jew' being used in the same way that 'gay' might be used.

I think the best way to approach it is to tell him to be honest, and then tell him how to handle push back with preprepared comments.

'Yes I am Jewish, but i am not part of the IDF, I am 11'.

'Yes, I have Israeli heritage but please, I dont know anything about politics, I'm just a normal London kid - i like the xbox'

A younger person will be along to help with phrasing, I'm sure 🙈

Hope that helps. Yanbu to want to protect him, but i think that, especially given his autism, he should be upfront. And you can approach the school to ask them to keep a quiet eye out for him on that front. ❤️

Edit - i hope i haven't minimised things. I understand that you may be afraid of violence so dont blame you for wanting to prevent that. I just think its going to come out.

that makes two of us.

Tackle the school - give them hell.

Agreed. I’m not English, I only ever answer London.

If they say where were you born, just say London. If they ask where are your parents from say London.

Immigrants have had to play this game for centuries.

Absolutely ditto. This just doesn’t sit right (as a Jew married to a Jew in London raising Jewish kids and having obviously hundreds of Jewish family, friends, acquaintances, members of shul I speak to etc). This is not ringing true.

I think you’re actually completely wilfully misinterpreting the posts.
No one at all is suggesting bullying, and specifically religious or racial bullying shouldn’t be immediately reported by the school and come down on hard.
It doesn’t matter if a bully ‘takes an interest’ in heritage, it still doesn’t mean you pander to it.

How can you discount other people’s experiences? Of course Jewish people have been targeted just due to appearance, history can show you that.

I’m sorry op this is very worrying for you. A Jewish school would help, ik you can’t access atm.

British look like all sorts of people, Alslyn, all shapes, sizes and colours. I wouldn't be able to tell if someone was not British just by appearance.

Were you children not born in the UK, do they have an accent? If they were born here and you have citizenship, they are British.

Surely most schools are multicultural and multiethnic in this day and age. Even when my son was at school up until the mid-1990s that was the case and nobody was bullied on grounds of ethnicity there (other things maybe).

This is most odd.

I'm sorry, I can't offer anything other than a huge apology to you for such awful awful anti-Semitism. It's endemic in the UK, and so normalised that your DC's school is not doing anything.

This is so bloody awful, Good God, this day and age that they can’t be honest, it’s like going back to the 1930’s, the school should deal with this, it’s racism
im so sad you are going through this, it must be so scary for you all.
Terrible but think of another country that isn’t Jewish, although it’s sickening to say it
i wish you love ❤️

Sorry? Where do they look as if they’re from?

Cyprus is your best bet I think

(I completely get it) 💐

Eh? I’ve lived in London my entire 50 year life, grown up and surrounded by people of all sorts of races, religions, appearances, styles, accents , cultures.
Tell your kids to just say they are from London. There is no “look” that they need to fit.

What’s with not believing the op?

I promise that ‘London’ or ‘I’m British’ isn’t an answer when people ask. My kids don’t look British and their parents have American accents and they happen to be Jewish so no one lets them say they’re ‘from Scotland’ and leave it at that. Theres always a follow up question.

.