Page 4 | Childhood bedroom off limits?

TravelDad · 2026-03-17T11:27:47+00:00

First time poster so pls be kind! DF remarried last year after DM passed a few years ago. She is pleasant and there are no issues between us - I'm genuinely happy that DF has found love in his latter years. We have visited them (my childhood home, a 1h journey) a few times in recent months after his wife moved in. DD is now 2, very curious and likes exploring as you would expect. Last visit DD started to venture upstairs and it became apparent that a 'closed door policy' had been imposed. As a child we didn't close doors and usually had the windows open a notch to keep the house well ventilated - something I have practiced in houses I have lived in since. I understand that their bedroom is private but it was apparent that DF's wife didn't want us going in the guest room, office or my childhood bedroom (which I gather is being used as an extra wardrobe). The "There's nothing worth seeing upstairs" was clearly a polite "No". On my childhood bedroom, it's bugging me quite a bit. I spent the first 18 years of my life sleeping and playing in there, and have used it on visits since, including fairly recently. As a child I used to lay in bed looking at the (now very old fashioned) anaglypta ceiling and trace my eyes across the pattern (yes I suspect I'm slightly on the spectrum). It was my safe space. So it's hit me quite hard that it seems I'm no longer allowed in there (and cannot show DD my old room). It also feels a bit odd because when we visit the in-laws and other family, DD has free reign and goes everywhere (we try to keep her out of the hosts' bedrooms as a courtesy). So what do you think: YABU - it's DF and his wife's house and she is entitled to keep whichever rooms she wants private YANBU - they are being inconsiderate by making the bedroom of my formative years off limits FWIW I can see both sides. But not being allowed to go in with DD for 30 seconds and say "this was daddy's bedroom when he was little" feels a bit unreasonable.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/03/2026 13:29

IsobelPepys · 17/03/2026 11:46

You are not being unreasonable!
How lovely to be able to show your daughter your childhood bedroom.
How lovely to have had the same bedroom for 18 years!
How wonderful to have had a safe space.
This is all to be remembered and celebrated.
A polite, 'I'm just going to show DD where I played for 18 years,' cannot be argued with. You announce it and then you just do it anyway. Because that was your home for your entire childhood, your history is there; and you are clearly a very respectful person in general; and taking your daughter to peek into your room is not an obscene act.
It's possibly difficult for DF's new wife to move into and take on a house that has a rich history as a family home before she was around. That history can feel like a kind of threat to one's legitimacy. But you can show her that she's safe: the house is HER home AND you spent your childhood there. Both truths can be held simultaneously.

And tracing your eyes over the pattern of the ceiling is a beautiful memory. I don't believe such things put us on a spectrum. Noticing patterns, and really, really looking at the world, and finding comfort there, is gorgeously human.

Oh lord don’t do this! I’m sure you are frustrated but it’s not your home any more and it’s hideously intrusive to behave as if it is. Perhaps they don’t want you or your toddler poking around (from their point of view) and that is their right.

They have made their feelings clear, if you keep asking then you are basically risking not being able to come to the house.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 17/03/2026 13:30

TheSandgroper · 17/03/2026 13:15

I haven’t read the full thread.

However, any house that my dad lives in is my home. Always. Until the day I die (should I be so unfortunate as to die before him). As it happens, it is likely I will be providing him with a home in the next few years before I get my head bitten off.

So, yes, I would certainly be marching my daughter upstairs any time she wanted so that I could say “You have a room in the house where I am Mummy. I have made a home for you. This is the house where my Daddy, your granddaddy, brought me up”. And I would be repeating it over the years as often as my daughter wanted.

If necessary, I would be saying to my father “your granddaughter wants to see my room. You need to come”. And that would be as often as my daughter wanted.

Perhaps it’s that I’m Western Australian. We don’t have two story houses. Everything is always just … there …. The idea of there being a separation between upstairs and downstairs is foreign to me. But also the idea that a wife of my father would interfere with the development of my child is also something that I would be kicking against.

It’s absurd to suggest that if a young child can’t see the room their parent grew up in their development will be affected.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/03/2026 13:33

All the posters saying to keep asking are odd. What happened to being invited to do something?

If it is your SM that doesn’t want you upstairs you risk putting your dad in a difficult position. Although it sounds like you feel it’s more important to go in there regardless of how anyone feels, so fill your boots I guess

FieryA · 17/03/2026 13:34

I think they are being extremely unfair. It was your home, so many memories of growing up. Especially your own room, I would be furious if I wasn't allowed to go in there. Even if it has been turned into something different, it doesn't matter. What is the reason they have given to not allow you? So odd.

Londonnight · 17/03/2026 13:35

I have a two year old grandchild. I live in a flat. No one has free rein here. My bedroom door remains closed, I do not want anyone in there apart from me.

loislovesstewie · 17/03/2026 13:36

TheSandgroper · 17/03/2026 13:15

I haven’t read the full thread.

However, any house that my dad lives in is my home. Always. Until the day I die (should I be so unfortunate as to die before him). As it happens, it is likely I will be providing him with a home in the next few years before I get my head bitten off.

So, yes, I would certainly be marching my daughter upstairs any time she wanted so that I could say “You have a room in the house where I am Mummy. I have made a home for you. This is the house where my Daddy, your granddaddy, brought me up”. And I would be repeating it over the years as often as my daughter wanted.

If necessary, I would be saying to my father “your granddaughter wants to see my room. You need to come”. And that would be as often as my daughter wanted.

Perhaps it’s that I’m Western Australian. We don’t have two story houses. Everything is always just … there …. The idea of there being a separation between upstairs and downstairs is foreign to me. But also the idea that a wife of my father would interfere with the development of my child is also something that I would be kicking against.

How appalling! How utterly rude and impolite to go marching around another person's home! The stepmother is entitled to her privacy, whatever is in the room belongs to her, her husband is clearly happy for her to use the room as a wardrobe. Perhaps stepmother should allow the child to rummage through her belongings while she is at it too!
There is no way, I would have wandered around my childhood home showing my kids 'my' bedroom. Especially as my sister had it after I left home. It became her bedroom. Not mine.

AgnesMcDoo · 17/03/2026 13:37

It’s fair enough for her to decline people going into what is now her wardrobe.

WhatAreYouDoingSundayBaby · 17/03/2026 13:37

All the posters saying to keep asking are odd. What happened to being invited to do something?

Exactly and surely even if they say yes it will be a one-time permission, not free reign? There is no value in it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/03/2026 13:38

TheSandgroper · 17/03/2026 13:15

I haven’t read the full thread.

However, any house that my dad lives in is my home. Always. Until the day I die (should I be so unfortunate as to die before him). As it happens, it is likely I will be providing him with a home in the next few years before I get my head bitten off.

So, yes, I would certainly be marching my daughter upstairs any time she wanted so that I could say “You have a room in the house where I am Mummy. I have made a home for you. This is the house where my Daddy, your granddaddy, brought me up”. And I would be repeating it over the years as often as my daughter wanted.

If necessary, I would be saying to my father “your granddaughter wants to see my room. You need to come”. And that would be as often as my daughter wanted.

Perhaps it’s that I’m Western Australian. We don’t have two story houses. Everything is always just … there …. The idea of there being a separation between upstairs and downstairs is foreign to me. But also the idea that a wife of my father would interfere with the development of my child is also something that I would be kicking against.

‘Interfering with the development of your child’ OMG 🤣

Just because your dad is happy for you to do this, not everyone will be. And anyone who walked into my home and demanded to go somewhere they weren’t welcome would be leaving and not coming back

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/03/2026 13:41

How is it interfering with your kid’s development anyway? It’s rude and entitled to behave like that

Thereissnowinmywellies · 17/03/2026 13:42

I don't go looking in the rooms of my family when I visit nor do I expect to, even if the doors are ajar I'm not interested.Bedrooms are private spaces, well mine is anyway, and I don't want family going in for a quick look or other wise. Nothing to see and nothing weird going on, it's my space shared with h and for us only.

WellOodelally · 17/03/2026 13:42

All very sentimental and sweet but ultimately it isn’t your room anymore and more crucially, it isn’t your home anymore, it is the home of both your father and his new wife, and they get final say. You don’t get to override what someone else has decided about their own home, I’m afraid. Leaving a childhood bedroom as an untouched shrine forevermore would be, honestly, a bit strange, were the space needed for other things, which your stepmother clearly thinks is the case.

Pushmepullu · 17/03/2026 13:42

Not your house, you don’t get a choice.

BestZebbie · 17/03/2026 13:45

If you were coming back in the university holidays and being made to sleep on the sofa so she could use the room as a wardrobe, then you'd have a point.
As it is, you have your own home now and this is theirs, they can keep the upstairs toddler-free if they want to.

PurpleThistle7 · 17/03/2026 13:45

Am so confused by people thinking you continue to 'own' your childhood home in some way. My parents have both moved on with their lives thankfully so my childhood home is someone else's altogether, but my husband's parents still live in the house he grew up in. They totally redid his old bedroom, he got rid of all his stuff, and it's a lovely spare room for us to use sometimes. My kids don't go marching around into their grandparents' bedrooms like they live there and nor does my husband because he doesn't live there either. So strange to me.

Acheyelbows · 17/03/2026 13:48

Maybe the upstairs was a mess and she didn't want you to see that housework has gotten on top of them recently.

Every family has their own expectations around this and hers is obviously different to yours.

I think everyone deserves to have their upstairs/bedrooms private if that's what they choose. It caused a row with my in laws but that's a whole other thread!

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 17/03/2026 13:49

SplodgeWaddler · 17/03/2026 11:45

Yeah, she shouldn't have turned your old bedroom into a wardrobe. How many clothes does she need?

For context, my step-mum lives with my DF in house that was not my childhood home. All the cupboards in the spare bedrooms are filled with her stuff (my dad has the wardrobe in their room) but the actual rooms are clear and ready for family to stay. We obviously do not need cupboard space when staying a few nights.

I'm curious to know her situation. Did she own her own home and money before she met your DF? This does sound like CF 'cocklodger' behaviour 😆

Eh? She can do what she likes, it’s her own home. How weird to assume someone is a sponger for living with their own spouse in the same property.

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 17/03/2026 13:49

The thing is imo that room holds no memories whatsoever to the dw.... Refusing you to show dd is bloody spiteful and shows her true feelings towards you.
I think my sm kept the door shut to try deny to herself my sheer existence..
I was the only dc in the family not at their wedding..

Thereissnowinmywellies · 17/03/2026 13:54

TheSandgroper · 17/03/2026 13:15

I haven’t read the full thread.

However, any house that my dad lives in is my home. Always. Until the day I die (should I be so unfortunate as to die before him). As it happens, it is likely I will be providing him with a home in the next few years before I get my head bitten off.

So, yes, I would certainly be marching my daughter upstairs any time she wanted so that I could say “You have a room in the house where I am Mummy. I have made a home for you. This is the house where my Daddy, your granddaddy, brought me up”. And I would be repeating it over the years as often as my daughter wanted.

If necessary, I would be saying to my father “your granddaughter wants to see my room. You need to come”. And that would be as often as my daughter wanted.

Perhaps it’s that I’m Western Australian. We don’t have two story houses. Everything is always just … there …. The idea of there being a separation between upstairs and downstairs is foreign to me. But also the idea that a wife of my father would interfere with the development of my child is also something that I would be kicking against.

Tbh you come across as rude, overbearing and a bit unhinged. If my d behaved like you she'd be put straight it's not happening and you are not marching around my home doing what you want.
As for 'interferring with the development of your child' is a reach and you really believe that you possibly have bigger problems if that would be a problem.
Also what has being Western Australian got to do with anything ?🤔

WorstPaceScenario · 17/03/2026 13:54

TheSandgroper · 17/03/2026 13:15

I haven’t read the full thread.

However, any house that my dad lives in is my home. Always. Until the day I die (should I be so unfortunate as to die before him). As it happens, it is likely I will be providing him with a home in the next few years before I get my head bitten off.

So, yes, I would certainly be marching my daughter upstairs any time she wanted so that I could say “You have a room in the house where I am Mummy. I have made a home for you. This is the house where my Daddy, your granddaddy, brought me up”. And I would be repeating it over the years as often as my daughter wanted.

If necessary, I would be saying to my father “your granddaughter wants to see my room. You need to come”. And that would be as often as my daughter wanted.

Perhaps it’s that I’m Western Australian. We don’t have two story houses. Everything is always just … there …. The idea of there being a separation between upstairs and downstairs is foreign to me. But also the idea that a wife of my father would interfere with the development of my child is also something that I would be kicking against.

I'm wondering how your father's wife having boundaries about which bedrooms your child is allowed in would be "interfering with her development"? Do you think your childhood bedroom holds magical developmental powers that your child would fail to thrive without??

Als interesting that you feel entitled to "march [your] daughter upstairs any time she wanted" in someone else's home, regardless of their feelings or boundaries.

Sparkletastic · 17/03/2026 13:55

It’s their house now. Respect their privacy.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/03/2026 13:55

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 17/03/2026 13:49

The thing is imo that room holds no memories whatsoever to the dw.... Refusing you to show dd is bloody spiteful and shows her true feelings towards you.
I think my sm kept the door shut to try deny to herself my sheer existence..
I was the only dc in the family not at their wedding..

Do you think you might be projecting?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 17/03/2026 13:59

Why is your 2yo off exploring rooms in every house she visits? What on earth makes you think this is appropriate?

Happyjoe · 17/03/2026 14:00

I don't think you're unreasonable to find this hard. My dad's new g/f threw out most of my mums stuff, even things like her posh crockery set. She didn't even live there yet but they were engaged. While can be pleased for your dad to have found someone it is still hard when childhood places change and rules that you grew up by are different.

I don't think it would've harmed to let you take you toddler up to your old childhood room. It is a strange thing to have not allowed and it's not welcoming.

CelticSilver · 17/03/2026 14:02

IWaffleAlot · 17/03/2026 11:31

Maybe they turned it into something else and it really isn’t how you are picturing it.

Dungeon?