to be getting irate at friends with adult DC who do not work?

[goldenteapot]

My DC are in their mid-late 20s and all in work - but are the exception among family and friends. They have around 12 cousins - none of whom have ever worked in so much as a local pub or shop, and all live in their parents' naice houses gaming all day. Lots have one or two degrees, so are not stupid by any means! I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working - but among my family and friends it's very much higher.

It's a similar story with friends: every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work. The assumption seems to be that the jobs market is too difficult and their children can't cope. Conversation when we meet is all about how frustrated everyone is because they can't get their DC to work or do anything around the house.

I just want to shake them all! They are providing no tough love or reasons that these children will ever work and live independently.

AIBU to be losing my patience with everyone, or am I a bit of a bitch and working life really is too tough these days for young people?

Sounds good. The luxury of having to wake my kids up seems like a dream to me. The eldest has woken me up between 6-7am (or much earlier) for nearly a decade now. Can’t wait to return the favour when or if that ever changes!

And do you know how hard those jobs can be to get? When the young person doesn't present on 'interview/meeting' well, how many people are competing for them, biases from potential employers. We've found disability oriented employment agencies horrible to deal with, and a bit waste of time.

I'm hoping mine will go down the home business route at some point. I think that's their best bet. Meanwhile, any progress is good progress and hopefully, in time, things will get better.

He's a fat, gormless tit who's probably not seen a woman, except from the likes of Porn Hub, and apart from his mum since childhood. He's quite happy doing what he's doing. His big telly, PS5, and Just Eat's all he's interested in.

Something really needs to be done about this.

That's what depression does to you though. You literally have zero interest in any of those things or any part of life. Anhedonia is a big part of depression. You look at all that and think you just don't have the mental/physical energy and that it won't be enjoyable.

Not read the full thread but I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time. I think people see the neurodiversity issue as very black and white (the irony!), in that if someone has it, they can’t also be taking the piss. Of course they can.

I think part of the problem is that many conditions have now become identity. For example, someone doesn’t just have autism, they are autistic. It might seem like a minor difference but it’s actually a pretty large perspective shift. If someone has something, then it’s one facet of them (regardless of the impact), and therefore it’s easier to work with it or around it. But when someone IS it, they inhabit it - it becomes who they are. It’s so much easier to then be all ‘oh, I AM this condition and the symptoms of the condition are x and y and therefore I can’t possibly do anything outside of this confinement.’

People are boxing themselves in. It’s not freedom, it’s restrictive labelling.

It’s very similar in trans ideology, where the stereotype becomes the defining factor. Coincidentally, the two have crossover in diagnosis and similarities in presentation - identity.

Less navel gazing and more external focus would probably solve a lot of these issues.

So lets figure out the root cause of the depression/anxiety epidemic instead of trying to make them feel even more shit about themselves.

If you "wouldn’t see our teens homeless", how exactly would you make them do all those things?

Too many people use depression/anxiety/other "conditions" as an excuse for not even trying.

that's a perfect illustration of why under 25s must not be allowed to claim any benefits. Apart from severe disabilities which can be diagnosed with objective tests.

A few years of life like this and any person becomes unemployable, it's almost impossible to fix anymore. Much easier to prevent this from happening whilst still young, even if very tough love is needed

They've quickly became catch all excuses for too many to hide behind and be enabled to do f#ck all all day.

Maybe they should bring back military service or some sort of 18 month boot camp teaching resilience and life skills were self indulgence won't be tolerated - after 6 months on benefits.

People who are autistic do inhabit it. It is who they are, but not the total of who they are. It's not a disease so they don't 'have autism'. They are autistic. It affects every aspect of how they relate to the world. That doesn't mean they aren't capable, but I would argue that understanding this fundamental part of themselves, and how that affects how they relate to the world, is fundamental to helping them be more productive and live with their autism rather than be disabled by it. This is part of why a diagnosis is so important. It helps them understand themselves. If they understand themselves, they can accept themselves and why some things are harder - then find ways to work with it. I've seen a few people liberated from the sense there is something wrong with them and they're failures, because they could finally see they weren't, they're just a bit different. That's empowering. I know many autistic fully employed and successful people but also understand that, for some, it may take a little bit longer.

They, or their mums, would just go to a naive, gullible doctor and get signed off sick so they wouldn't have to go. They know all the tricks of the trade, and they're extremely good at them.

You sound really nice!

I think maybe the first part time job is key. It is true that there aren't many jobs out there these days. Our youngest had a little pt job as a teenager. We had a lot of problems getting him into a suitable job upon leaving school, eventually it clicked that he needed to get ft work. He would dither about what to go into, we encouraged him to go into plumbing and that's what he does, if he wants to better himself he can still do so.

That's for others to judge. I think I do okay, though, going by my friends and family.

I think you are mainly just a better mum who had a better quality of kid. Well done 👏

Are they not looking for work OP? They must be if they're claiming JSA because it's all logged on a system now and you get penalised if not. Not like back in the day when you just wrote down your 'jobseeking actions' in a notebook.

What do people make of the fact that apparently a third of tradespeople (almost all men to be fair) under 35 are now privately educated - I think only around 10% of the now adult population were privately educated so there is huge over-representation, if that's the right word? It sounds like private schools are pushing this as one of the best options for their pupils, presumably because they know many don't have much chance of getting the well-paying, once arguably higher status jobs they might have done 30 or 40 years ago, even with all the privilege a private education and wealthy parents can bring. And that's before AI has even really taken off.

archive.ph/KY5SW#selection-2759.2-2759.221

Sorry, that's meant to say the well-paying, arguably higher status desk or office jobs they might have done 30 or 40 years ago.....obviously many tradesmen now earn a fortune!

Definitely a symptom of the wider picture. Wise words.

there have always been unemployed people
it is not new

It isn't easy getting hired as a 16 year old now. I managed to get a time job at Tesco years ago. Now their hiring process involves multiple stages. It was hard work for little pay but got me out of bed early at the weekends and instilled discipline. I also needed the money as there was no bank of mum and dad giving me pocket money. I learnt to save and make better choices because I would consider the cost of things and how long it took me to earn that money. Sometimes you do have to let your kids find out the hard way and know as a parent I can see how hard that must be.

These jobs taught me how to draw with joe public, conflict resolution, discipline, time management etc
all soft skills that help me now. I was able to gain experience in my sector whilst at uni through placements but they are very few and far between now making this a lot harder for those that are studying my degree now. We need to make it more appealing for employers to give young people a chance.

Well it's only going to get worse as a recent study suggested 41% of 9 month olds (or younger) had regular screen time so not sure how employable these brain dead zombies who spend all their time watch dancing fruit are going to be.