to be getting irate at friends with adult DC who do not work?

[goldenteapot]

My DC are in their mid-late 20s and all in work - but are the exception among family and friends. They have around 12 cousins - none of whom have ever worked in so much as a local pub or shop, and all live in their parents' naice houses gaming all day. Lots have one or two degrees, so are not stupid by any means! I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working - but among my family and friends it's very much higher.

It's a similar story with friends: every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work. The assumption seems to be that the jobs market is too difficult and their children can't cope. Conversation when we meet is all about how frustrated everyone is because they can't get their DC to work or do anything around the house.

I just want to shake them all! They are providing no tough love or reasons that these children will ever work and live independently.

AIBU to be losing my patience with everyone, or am I a bit of a bitch and working life really is too tough these days for young people?

You should take any available job whilst applying for your dream job. Nowadays they think they can wait at home with no job until the dream job appears. Newsflash it isn't going to appear.

Easier said than done though when even a shitty job is hard to get and a shitty flat share will be expensive.

Makes sense for young adults to stay living with parents and save for a house deposit, and skip the shitty flat stage where possible.

I spent some time recently with my aunty who’s well into her 70s and has just taken a board level position and is showing no signs of retiring. I can’t help but think if she would just retire already and let the next generation take those senior jobs. But it’s a scary decision to make I guess especially for someone who defines themself by there career.

At the same time her daughter in law is out of work because she tried a career change and it didn’t pan out now she’s struggling to get back into work. Aunty is actually very patient and sympathetic but her other daughter was quite mean about how she’s freeloading off her brother.

the reality is since we’re working til we’re in our 70s I don’t think it’s sustainable to have one single long career that time working 5 days a week. I think there needs to be more acceptance that careers can start later for some and not be linear and the standard min-Fri 9-5 isn’t desirable to younger adults who want for a better balance. Plus it’s a tough market and maybe younger kids are paving the way away from the 5 days a week to a better work life balance I think.

PS why is nice spelt with an ‘a’. Surely they just live in a nice house not ‘naice’

I accept that point, and I know IABU about a lot of this.

I think I'm just running out of patience with the endless conversations where I'm saying "Gosh yes it's so tough for X isn't it, after getting that first in maths?" when he's just at home, playing games at 3am in his en-suite and waiting for his mum to bring his dinner to his room.

I'm lying all the time.

Hence why I'm bitching on here.

I once raised here the struggles that seniors wfh is placing on young adults like my kids. I was a lone voice and most people didn’t get it.

I do think as a generation some young adults are babied by their parents. Unless there's a medical problem or a disability why they can't work. They should be working and not sponging off their parents.

I know people in their 40s like this though. Can't get a high earning corporate job or a wfh job with good pay so they don't work instead.

It is so unfamiliar to me. I started work in the midteens - babysitting, car washing and dog walking and then progressed to waitressing and care work through uni to working as a registered professional my whole adult life. When I need more money for dc school trips etc I do agency work again. I am thinking I may need to do evening supermarket work or bar work to help support dc through uni too. My parents took on extra evening and weekend work when I was younger to help pay for school trips and holidays too. Mum waitressed and Dad supervised probation projects and delivered flowers!

My teen dc already work. The 16 yr old has a weekly paid job and is booked onto a lifeguard course for the summer to maximise pay post gcses. The mid teen babysits for cash and has offered to help coach their sport once they are 16 too. All my dc help out at their youth activities and sports. They absolutely expect to be working from 16 as a minimum. They understand that their first jobs may not be their passion or highly paid but that they will be a stepping stone and valuable for that and the income they provide.

It's cultural and societal. My dc will always work as their parents and grandparents always have.

Like I said, I graduated into the recession and lived in London - I know all about even shitty jobs being hard to come by and shitty flats being expensive. I still think that living at home well into adulthood is not the right approach.

It's a really good point. The working environment was much healthier for new starters when we were all in the office. And I say that as someone who WFH. I know it's complicated.

YANBU. I fear for the tuture of the next couple of generations that seem to be work-shy and very ill equipped for life. Maybe they're just hanging on for their parents' inheritances some day?

> PS why is nice spelt with an ‘a’. Surely they just live in a nice house not ‘naice’

Ah sorry @KarmenPQZ this was a Mumsnet joke from about 1982 involving posh ladies and their nice ham. Might be a bit dated...

No, I think unemployment was worse in the recession in the 90's.

This is true, I remember my first 'proper job' in 1998, staff were earning 12k per year plus commission in a call centre & there were several young wemon who had a flat (mortgaged), ran a cheap car & went abroad once a year all on one income. That is just not possible these days.

I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working - but among my family and friends it's very much higher

Surely this isn't right? Half of all late twenty-somethings not working? It's not a situation I recognise at all. My kids are all in their early twenties - one is at uni with a part time job, and the older two are in full time employment and have been since they left school at 18. All their friends work full time, and they are just typical, normal kids, some with degrees and some without.

I accept there may be exceptions, especially for those with severe mental health problems, but, at least in my experience, most young people are working, and working pretty hard, in a variety of jobs, anything from cafe work to high flying city jobs. If they are living at home, they are charged rent, so they have to go and make some money. For some, they may not yet be doing their dream job, but they've taken a job to make some money and get experience in the meantime.

Why aren't parents giving their kids a kick up the arse? - stop making life quite so comfortable. Charge rent (even for those on benefits), turn off the wifi if they are all day on games, provide only basic food, don't pay their phone bill. Make it so that if those in their twenties want to live at home, they will need money to do so. Be quite clear that they are now adults, and need to pay their own way.

More likely they become live in carers for elderly parents by default and perform the task totally inadequately. Another problem on the horizon.

Even as an experienced professional moving from one Public Sector org to the next, I found not being able to work alongside others who knew their way round a system really hard. You can learn so much quicker by sitting next to someone or looking over their shoulder or over hearing how they deal with a client or phone call.

Young people who never get to do this are at a massive disadvantage

I have one of these living at home. Mid 20s, with a degree, and had one (contract) job since graduation. She has ADHD and low social skills, which is perhaps why despite applying for about a billion jobs she doesn't have one. She has had a few interviews, after which she is either rejected or ghosted (which boils my piss).

Please tell me how she can just "get a job, any job" as someone above put it. I'd love to know.

Gaming can easily become an addiction.

The story about your aunt is really interesting and potentially an issue too. I suppose in some ways there are also people in their 70s who need to work because we are potentially paying for parents' bills and childrens' bills too... but many may just want to work. Maybe that's okay too? It's a good point.

Yes so do I

But our 17&15 year olds have had a job since they were 13, and volunteered since 13. And are fully aware that even with their degrees (when they go to uni) they are not special snowflakes that can’t start at the bottom, or do any other job that need be, when they enter adult world.

They don’t need to work financially. But we pushed the idea that they should get used to it and want to have their own money that they earned themselves. The volunteering gives them practical, labouring skills plus they have respect to learn from others and meet a great cross section of society.

But some precious parents want to brag about their offspring and they wouldn’t feel bus driver was good enough to brag about. There are parents like this around.

Some kids don’t even make a round of tea or get their own breakfast at the age of 16. Yes it infantilises them. But hey what can you do.

Surely the parents are aware there are many graduates each year taking jobs, also waiting for a more applicable position but with the added bonus of a reference being a reliable worker. Who would you employ?

For me it was either get a job or decorate the house and do the gardening. Before I actually got a job I was put to work painting a very long garden fence. Incentive enough to get working. It wouldn’t have occurred to me that I had any choice in the matter.

Many elderly workers are forced to work because cannot afford to retire.

She needs to volunteer for free. This will put her on the path to employment. I did this for a few months during the recession and it worked out.

You're a similar age to me and my experience was very similar to yours too!

The world is just so different now. I posted on another thread about how it's not so much that there are no jobs available - there ARE opportunities but like anything it's survival of the fittest/cleverest/most confident. Socially awkward neurodiverse DC are always going to be at a disadvantage, probably rejected for jobs at every turn and it's easy to see how slippery the slope then becomes to anxiety and depression and a fear of leaving the house.

The sad thing is that if they are able to access opportunities, even if only very part time, it can help so much. I have a 21yo DC with ASD/ADHD who really struggles but does manage to work shifts in a hospitality role and I notice such a positive difference in him after a work shift. It energises him and gives him focus and a sense of achievement. A few days without a shift (there are limited shifts available and he can only take what's offered) and I can see him sliding into sluggishness and lethargy. He needs a more structured job, with more regular hours, of course, and he's looking, but finding something else will be hard. He's never in a million years going to come across as well at interview as other, socially confident young people and so he's always going to be at a disadvantage. And that's if the companies who are advertising even bother to reply to applications....

Well most people on mn seem to be desperate for retirement age to be raised to at least 80 (and state pension totally abolished) so everyone should get used to older people working and never retiring as if people on here have their way they’ll never be able to retire!