to be getting irate at friends with adult DC who do not work?

[goldenteapot]

My DC are in their mid-late 20s and all in work - but are the exception among family and friends. They have around 12 cousins - none of whom have ever worked in so much as a local pub or shop, and all live in their parents' naice houses gaming all day. Lots have one or two degrees, so are not stupid by any means! I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working - but among my family and friends it's very much higher.

It's a similar story with friends: every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work. The assumption seems to be that the jobs market is too difficult and their children can't cope. Conversation when we meet is all about how frustrated everyone is because they can't get their DC to work or do anything around the house.

I just want to shake them all! They are providing no tough love or reasons that these children will ever work and live independently.

AIBU to be losing my patience with everyone, or am I a bit of a bitch and working life really is too tough these days for young people?

I wouldn’t see our teens homeless

but they would do all the housework, gardening, DIY, shopping, cooking - everything

they get up at latest 8am.
they would apply for jobs
they would look at further study
they would volunteer

they wouldn’t get up at midday be fed and game all night

if they said “anxiety” they would be at the GP to sort it out

Lots in private schools will be aiming for courses like medicine. Customer service jobs are really beneficial on applications. We were grammar school not private but clued up parents realised kids needed work on their cv in sixth form to have best chance of securing places on competitive university courses or degree apprenticeships.
I never viewed it as sending dd out to work. She applied for and got a pt job in August after her GCSEs.

My teenager has ASD, autism, and serious trauma. She works in summer holidays and volunteers year round. She is going to university soon. She knows the expectation is that she will be financially independent and employed.

how do I keep her functional through the anxiety and the trauma and being neurodivergent? I pay out of pocket for therapy. I spend all my time and energy being her personal OT. I am making damn well sure that I do not fail her. She will be a functional adult.

Being too fragile for work is nonsense. There is a job for almost everyone who is not intellectually impaired or physically impaired. It is a matter of figuring out what job you can do and training appropriately.

I am disabled myself. I’m can’t do many jobs, but I am excellent in my chosen career. You have to be strategic. So does my daughter. That is part of why she is doing the volunteer work. She is trying out different jobs to see if she wants to go into particular fields.

@goldenteapot

you will never convince parents who know their precious offspring are too delicate for the working world or even their own domestic chores to change

just say ok and either talk about something else or walk away

it’s boring after a while hearing why their bang average child is far above working, fine if they have a family trust fund, that’s what it’s for, irrelevant if not

benefits can change with a change of Parliament it’s much better to be master of your own financial destiny rather than be complacent the money gravy train will be as easy and generous for the next 40/50 years - it clearly won’t

I don't know in my 20s I had severe anxiety and panic attacks and was unable to function normally until I got on the right medication. I wasn't in a position to work my mental health was far too bad. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder but I think it was PTSD after an abusive relationship. My heart would beat too fast, I couldn't catch my breath and I just felt so terrible, it was really bad. I've read that the pandemic has caused a lot of mental health problems in young people

There aren’t many jobs out there!

Parents need to be tougher with their children and insist that they make themselves employable so they can go out to work to earn their crust.

I don't really disagree.
But many of the young people living in this way do seem to be largely funded by parents.

And if the system is set up so that they can game it, that's the fault of the system, and it lies within political power to change it.

The political system is something else which I believe needs radical reform, for a whole host of reasons.

I wouldn’t make dc homeless but I wouldn’t work ft while they laze about in bed all day.
I’d not fund luxuries like a smart phone, treat food, contact lenses or expensive toiletries.
I’d have them woken up at 8am - door open, blinds up, lots of noise.
Wifi off overnight.

Sorry haven’t read the whole thread. However, as a family where both of us are paying ridiculous levels of tax into the 60% thresholds, is it possible that some of these parents are enabling precisely because the system has screwed them so massively? So they worked their socks off like us for many years in 12 hour plus jobs and then have to pay for everyone else so when their own DC are not up to it, they just let it go/do not have the energy to deal with it?

I don’t recognise this either, my young people and their peers have always had jobs, worked hard (cafes, shops, pubs, festivals, riding stables, hairdressers, estate agents, building trade - moving onto now more serious jobs or paid freelance projects). I don’t know any younger people that don’t work. Even the few that have been diagnosed with anxiety disorders or neurodiversities all have jobs and are trying hard.

Not sure whether it is in certain areas of the country but I see very focused hard working young adults.

My rule of thumb is if you can sit and game for hours or stand and drink in a pub, you can work in a job. We're too soft on lazy bastards that want the rest of us to support them.

Under 25s can claim just over £300 a month. I suspect what’s happening in some cases is parents funding everything and they are living quite comfortably on that as ‘pocket money’ so no incentive to change.

Do young people still do the walking around local towns and dropping their CV into every shop? I got jobs through uni by doing that. I got a job in a garden centre cafe for one summer via this method, and an off license.
I used to dread it, as I was no good at small talk and found walking into shops and places excruciating. I used to write scripts and put them in my pocket and then memorise them before I went in 😅I’d try and pre-empt what people might say and write responses that I’d say based on these. I lived like this for years- I had pages and pages of scripts for phone calls and face to face interactions. Over time, I relied less and less on the scripts as I gained more understanding of how people talked to each other and how conversations went. But I did this for years, even at uni.
It’s quite interesting looking back and realising just how far I’ve come in life. I have achieved things that nobody thought I’d be able to at one point. But my god it was excruciatingly hard at the time!

This type of entitlement and self proclaimed excuses not to work has been around for a long time, especially in acclaimed poverty areas.

I've noticed that yes there has been a huge shift in more middle class families towards expecting a well paid wfh job and won't consider other options because they're too hard.

Indeed the 'snowflake' label has come about for a reason. Younger generations have been more protected, encouraged to think about themselves first, affirmation for choosing they won't go beyond their comfort zones.

This type of entitlement and self proclaimed excuses not to work has been around for a long time, especially in acclaimed poverty areas

People growing up in deprived environments will suffer higher rates of mental illness

Totally agree. The young people are waking up to what a scam life is. On another one of these similar threads I asked what were even the positives of adult life and no one could come up with anything. I'm amazed there hasn't been a revolt from kids against their parents when they've brought them into such a shit world. Maybe parents should forego having kids and just work since they're so obsessed with it.

Regardless of the positives of adult life, no-one can be a child forever. Sooner or later everyone has to face the responsibilities of providing for themselves and participating in life. What alternative do they have?

I woke up to what scam life was roughly forty years ago, at the age of six.
The difference is, I got off my arse and "made" it.
Now I can be lazy and have what I want.
Since these young people are so obsessed with life of leisure, maybe they should work themselves up.
It requires diligence, self denial and discomfort.
There's your problem.

Have to say I’m not convinced universities care give preference to students who’ve worked in Costa. That would be discriminating against applicants who live in areas where there aren’t many jobs available.

Universities and employers want skills and qualities, but these can be demonstrated in many ways.

I have recruited graduates and I’m certainly not looking at whether someone has worked as a teen.

The positives of adult life are that my mum can’t stop me having pets any more.

i have three cats and I love them.

more generally as an adult if you can pay for it and it’s legal you can do it.
if you can pay for it an it’s illegal you can probably still do it but there may be consequences

If you're referring to my comment, are you actually insinuating that disabled people who claim benefits should have financially planned?

What is the alternative to "Adult Life"?

Quitting the entire thing.

Or... They can just not engage with adult life and live in their parent's nice house, eat their Ocado shop, game on their 85" OLED TV and not have the hassle of 'making it'?

I'm not saying it's 'right', but neither is the attitude expressed previously in this thread that we're relying on them to pay our pensions, so the entitled brats (!) need to knuckle down and work.