to be getting irate at friends with adult DC who do not work?

[goldenteapot]

My DC are in their mid-late 20s and all in work - but are the exception among family and friends. They have around 12 cousins - none of whom have ever worked in so much as a local pub or shop, and all live in their parents' naice houses gaming all day. Lots have one or two degrees, so are not stupid by any means! I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working - but among my family and friends it's very much higher.

It's a similar story with friends: every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work. The assumption seems to be that the jobs market is too difficult and their children can't cope. Conversation when we meet is all about how frustrated everyone is because they can't get their DC to work or do anything around the house.

I just want to shake them all! They are providing no tough love or reasons that these children will ever work and live independently.

AIBU to be losing my patience with everyone, or am I a bit of a bitch and working life really is too tough these days for young people?

I have been. You just seem to love to tell me off for not focussing on what you think is the purpose of someone else’s thread. Perhaps you should stop trying to control the conversations?

And that’s a fair point, but we can still focus on this particular subset while making the argument that the statistics are not accurate. It doesn’t take away from the point at hand.

Please stop quoting me now, I really don’t care what you focus on, just don’t tag me in.

Exactly right. We started out debunking that.
It’s not that many, and secondly there are multiple reasons why unemployment is as high as it is for this age group. I think the real statistic that was looked up and posted was 13% or so for 24-29 yr olds.

Back in the mid-90s, my 26-year-old boyfriend (I was 21 and started dated him at 21, so no not too young for him) didn't work and lived with his mother. He was considered to be a bum by all the village. I didn't care as I was young.

My folks liked him enough and to their credit never criticised him to me but I could tell they were relieved when he dumped me.
I wasn't I was heartbroken. Lol.
I trained in a professional career and am doing OK.
I bumped him a couple of years ago, he did partner up with somebody but it ended, he's never worked and lives on benefits in a council flat.
He looks shabby, nicotine-stained and I felt vaguely sorry for him as he was so full of himself when young. His mother still doing everything for him, though, apparently.

My point is that the twenties are a pivotal point and it is key that people sort out their lives in this period else it risks dragging on and they end up like my ex in what seems like a blink of an eye.

I agree with you on every point, OP.
I don’t know what will happen when Gen X retires, and the future 20/30/40yos are mostly NEETs living on benefits - who will be working to pay the huge benefits bill then? (Never mind my pension, which likely won’t even exist😫)

Aren't Gen X/ late millennials the parents. Bringing up NEETs will ruin old age for generations to come.

I am mid 40s and when I was in my early 20s and starting work it was generally the males in my family or parent's friend's sons who weren't settling into a career. I assumed it was because they don't have a body clock to worry about. They all managed to get themselves into decent paying jobs by 30 but there was definitely a noticeable difference. They did however work in between travelling, so they weren't bumming around. This is next level now though.

The post wasn't about you or your son, so you can hold off on taking offence.

Depends who you know I guess. My DDs have friends who have all worked since 21/22 etc. Some did lengthy training which pushed it out. DD did 4 year degree, law conversion, barristers course and then pupillage. That’s 7 years. However it was necessary.

Just read a report saying we are living in the worst period ever for employment. Lots of people apply for literally hundreds of jobs, and hear nothing-and those applications aren't quick and easy, as they were in our day (assume you're over 35?)
Friends tell me of their teenagers desperately doing this, and walking round town with CVs which the manager then dumps in a bin in front of them.
Yes, getting part-time jobs is great. Many of us would have done babysitting throughout high school (few parents would let a 12 year old babysit now), and got jobs in cinemas, bingo halls, shops etc-not so many of these. Cafes? Maybe, but thanks to the government, it's so expensive to employ people, they are less likely to take on young, inexperienced staff.

I'm having the opposite problem. My almost 18 y o is studying full time and I want him to focus on that. However he is looking for work and is planning on moving out this year. I am proud of him though, he is sensible and I have never really worried about him.

I think not working is indicative of a real problem perhaps with mental health in a lot of cases. I'm currently unable to work however I will be having a surgery in the summer and I am hoping to get back in to work at that point. I'm going crazy with boredom just scrolling tik tok a lot of the time, low income, so I don't understand why a healthy person would choose this life

Exactly, anyone on here that thinks the majority of young people want to be unemployed is foolish at best, hateful at worst. Benefits these days is not enough to live on and they are very on top of people to apply.

But instead of people asking where the jobs are they have fantasies of people who would rather get £73 a week to play candy crush than get a job. Laughable. But it's easier to mock the younger generations than ask actual questions about the system.

Yep I am Gen X
I still think the unemployment rate is more due to failures by successive governments than parenting.

Yes there is a higher rate of mental illness, but that tracks with giving up hope finding a job after years of looking and thousands of applications that go nowhere as well as the sheer number of jobs lost at entry level and in sectors like hospitality and call centres which traditionally hired young people.

You've literally told us both your children and NOT working - one being an adult 🙄Have either of them had a job??

They do. But have tou seen the price of all those things? Everything you have listed there was much more attainable even 10 years ago.

Everyone on here is always saying "kick them out" as if there isn't a housing crisis, huge cost of living and crippling energy bills.

But no, people think it's all a choice...

I do work weekends as well as during the week. Precisely because I take my obligations to my dc seriously and my ft nhs wage does not stretch to school trips and sports tours! My dc see me role modelling that of you want things you work hard for them.

I feel that around 4 hours of work per week is really really manageable for my top grade achieving dc. (They also volunteer for a few hours per week and attend sports training several nights a week and have plenty of fun!). This enables them to gain necessary skills and experience of work, and earn money that they can spend and save and enjoy the self esteem and buzz that comes from that. My 16 yr old is getting up to £150/month this way and is saving for driving lessons, has bought her own Boardmasters ticket and is now planning outfits for it that she will pay for.

I've worked in HE and interviewed high achieving medical students for eg. You can really tell the difference between those who have got out into the world and got some experience and those who have got their top grades at the expense of everything else.

My dc mostly know other teens whose parents supply them with generous allowances AND nice phones AND branded clothes AND driving lessons etc etc. I don't personally feel that's fulfilling your obligations to them. Rather it's creating expectations of a lifestyle they can't possibly achieve without significant support and depriving them of the self esteem and experiences they could gain from working.

This then feeds into dc in their mid twenties thinking they shouldn't have to take minimum wage jobs to get experience and skills and work their way up.

But he hasn't become and adult yet, or gone through 100's of applications with no interviews, being rejected for years?? Studying full-time is the first part. Getting out in the real world is another matter.

Thank you for this response. You are exactly correct, the mythical jobs don't exist. Any job a young person could have got for experience is being filled by people who had huge experience but are now scrambling for any job they can get.

What bit of “studying to be a social worker” don’t you get?

Necessity is the mother if all invention. If young people had no choice but to work or else it would be hunger and a cold box for the night, young people would work.

I also agree of the futility of trying to find a job, pay off a student loan whilst saving for a house deposit, paying rent and affording bills before youve even thought about getting married and having kids. It’s a monumental amount of money to strive for and out of most people’s reach.

It’s sad that you get irate. You need to relax.

Exactly.

I know my hourly rate and I am able to say to myself 'is this worth 2 hours at work to me' and have taught my dd the same. It's a Martin Lewis line but it really works for me!

If you don't earn your money and there is always more given to you, then you treat it very differently!

This post is about adult DC not working. Your DC studying has nothing to do with that. What part of adult DC not working do you not get?? This thread is not a place for you to tell people you have an adult DC studying. What has that got to do with anything? 🙄

People on here are something else.

Yes you might have a point. He has been looking for several months and hasn't even been able to get a job as a supermarket cashier so far