to be getting irate at friends with adult DC who do not work?

[goldenteapot]

My DC are in their mid-late 20s and all in work - but are the exception among family and friends. They have around 12 cousins - none of whom have ever worked in so much as a local pub or shop, and all live in their parents' naice houses gaming all day. Lots have one or two degrees, so are not stupid by any means! I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working - but among my family and friends it's very much higher.

It's a similar story with friends: every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work. The assumption seems to be that the jobs market is too difficult and their children can't cope. Conversation when we meet is all about how frustrated everyone is because they can't get their DC to work or do anything around the house.

I just want to shake them all! They are providing no tough love or reasons that these children will ever work and live independently.

AIBU to be losing my patience with everyone, or am I a bit of a bitch and working life really is too tough these days for young people?

There’s a big middle ground between working from age 12 and never working though.

don’t you think?

it's ridiculous, I would be annoyed too, but also, it's not your circus not your monkeys. Focus on your own family and stop stressing about others.

I hear what your saying and I am so grateful that through the kindness of friends each of my children have had well paid part time work through school college.
It was priceless experience for them.

My children were privately educated at some cost to us and I couldn't fathom them wasting their education by not working at all.

When my eldest, post an excellent degree result, was interviewing, every interviewer quizzed him about his job during college. It was a client facing role, which involved a lot of money, reconciliation at the end of the day and at times very stressful.
He was offered all 5 jobs he interviewed for and I believe the part time job, his commitment and ability to juggle it with a tough degree course, swung it for him.

I do think that life for some adult kids is so comfortable at home that they can become a bit lazy.
My own son lives in another city and he loves to return home to a break from endless adulting....that is washing, shopping, cooking and cleaning. He has never been so appreciative of these comforts before he left home and is very honest about how tiresome he finds them.

This is a common theme among friends whose children have moved out, expensive and hard work.

I do feel very sorry for them as WFH has destroyed the early career culture which I thrived in, and cost of living has made even a good salary difficult to stretch.

I believe it has never been easier or harder for adult kids and the relentless SM espousing having it all, makes it so much worse.

No @KatsPJs I’m not saying that. I think a step by step approach, focus on getting a job with prospects for a short time then just take something/anything whilst continuing to apply/get new skills. However it’s not acceptable to expect people to do a job that costs them money due to lack of hours. Neither do I accept ‘trial’ shifts, just pay people properly.

To those saying to the OP it’s not your problem, I disagree these young people not working/getting used to benefits are potentially going to be taking all their lives. If they aren’t already it could lead to depression and then being signed off as sick. Vwy very costly financially to society esp if they start having children.

I think it exemplifies the fact that if the drive is there a way will be found. I find it astonishing that a person can get to the age of 20+ having never worked outside the home (no paid work or voluntary work). When I was in secondary school you could even volunteer at school, which I did to boost my CV. I volunteered helping younger children improve their literacy skills by developing a reading group and volunteered one lunchtime a week stacking shelves in the school library. I used both examples in job applications and interviews in my late teens. The opportunities are there if the will is.

@Additup
Tbh I think that's where it's heading 😕

I’m 26 now and I do find it a bit weird some of my cousins still live at home. A lot of them are “saving for a deposit” but these savings are theoretical. I also think many of them have unrealistic expectations of their first home, your starter house will probably be a bit shit, but it’s a starter house at the end of the day.

The housing market is brutal, rents are high, but if you really want to it’s very possible to move out. I moved out at 17 because I didn’t really have a choice, and I don’t think that should be the norm but people need to realise you do just have to tough it out and maybe live below your means for a couple of years.

Exactly this.

I wonder how these young people are going to cope, when they finally realise nobody waits for them/needs them.

But if someone has stable housing and is fed and watered then surely it would be better to start with any job rather than no job? I’ll be honest I would not look favourably on a candidate who had absolutely no work experience into their twenties. The market is tough out there and there are a lot of very experienced young people making great strides - I wouldn’t want to be left behind.

@AllotmentAllium

The point is most 16 year are in full time education. The clue is in the name!

If they are doing difficult A levels and want top grades, that requires time and effort equivalent to a full time job. Many also do extra-curriculars on top.

I certainly wouldn’t be going out to work at a weekend after grafting all week, and I don’t expect my DC to either (if they are working hard at school).

There are lots of better things 16 year olds could be doing than being exploited for £20- studying, socialising, resting.

Parents need to realise that their obligation to support their DC doesn’t stop at 16!

There is absolutely nothing you can do. Don't waste your time even thinking about it. Let the parents do that. If you were in that same boat, what do you think they could do for you?

Oh my mistake, you seemed wholly ignorant of the conversation in that post I made the mistake of thinking it was someone else. As an educated woman, you knew then that I wasn’t telling you the H&S limits on 12-16yr olds is why anyone 21+ isn’t working in a restaurant. You still posted silliness.

I don’t think it is acceptable, I am one of many posters saying that the issue of young adult unemployment is a lot more complex than lazy selfish entitled gaming addictions as the cause.

It will be inevitable and brutal. The great "reset" is not going to pander to non contributers.

Because even the sunrise is terrifying to them, for some reason.

That’s my DD plus they have disabilities so school takes extra time for them to complete it. They simply don’t have time for a job on top. Plus there’s no jobs around here they could do even if they had the time. At University, it will be even harder. I only expect them to do summer internship/volunteer type activities.

You sound really smug.

I don't know whether your friends and family are letting their kids down or not. Each one might have a valid reason to be where they are. They might not.

All I can confidently deduce is, you sound really smug.

It's good that you are proud of your children though, and feel that the way you parented them was spot on. Well done you.

But this thread is specifically about that subset of young people who are entitled gaming addicts. Focusing on unemployment statistics, H&S regulations etc. does not take away from that fact.

Why go to university unless you are studying for a specific career?

Why are you worrying about other people and what their children are doing? It’s really none of your business and no doubt your friends probably find your attitude condescending! To give you some context, there are not that many jobs out there and it will get worse the longer the Iran conflict drags on. Where I work every time someone leaves their post is reviewed to see if their work can be spread across the department. My son and his GF were made redundant within a few months of each of each other. He’s been lucky as he’s got highly transferable skills but still had to take a pay cut of 5K. Girlfriend’s skills are not as transferable and she’s applied for multiple jobs and has finally found a job 13 hrs a week cleaning! This isn’t going to help them get on the property ladder any time soon! So just worry about your own family and leave the others to theirs!

The thread is not just about that, as much as you’d like it to be. It hasn’t been since about page 3.

Sorry

They are studying for a specific career. Part of the worry is ableism (seen plenty of that on this thread), and the loss of entry level jobs (posted this unthread
https://bmmagazine.co.uk/news/entry-level-jobs-slump-reeves-tax-raid/)

A disabled kid who can’t do waitressing or stacking shelves or cleaning, what option do they have other than to get a qualification where they work with their minds?

Well that’s weird because so many posters are focusing on exactly that in their replies throughout. Sorry.

And others are not. Ta
Quick glance- the 5 posts above mine not all are just on addicted lazy gamers refusing to work.

But this subset (which is shaping the whole conversation) is nowhere near as big as the OP seems to be implying.

She has alleged that 50% of people in their mid-late 20s don't work, which is nonsense.

Then please do feel free to engage with those posters rather than me as we do seem to be at cross purposes.