to be getting irate at friends with adult DC who do not work?

[goldenteapot]

My DC are in their mid-late 20s and all in work - but are the exception among family and friends. They have around 12 cousins - none of whom have ever worked in so much as a local pub or shop, and all live in their parents' naice houses gaming all day. Lots have one or two degrees, so are not stupid by any means! I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working - but among my family and friends it's very much higher.

It's a similar story with friends: every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work. The assumption seems to be that the jobs market is too difficult and their children can't cope. Conversation when we meet is all about how frustrated everyone is because they can't get their DC to work or do anything around the house.

I just want to shake them all! They are providing no tough love or reasons that these children will ever work and live independently.

AIBU to be losing my patience with everyone, or am I a bit of a bitch and working life really is too tough these days for young people?

No I’m not telling you that. Ffs
I was telling a poster that kids can start in a kitchen at age 12 that.

I don't think parents feel they can kick them out. Where would they go, if they're not working?
I have a friend whose DD seems to be always watching daytime TV when I'm round there. She does actually own a flat in the city ( where she's more likely to get work) but has been living at her parents' for months instead. According to friend, her standards are too high for her to work in local pubs or cafes, or supermarket, or waitressing at events. She can't get a job in her chosen field. So her mortgage is being paid for by her parents and they are sick of her hanging around. But they don't pack her off back to the flat!

The fact is that for some reason a lot of young people seem to be sitting and watching the world go by, and ignoring the fact there seems to be a severe lack of energy, enthusiasm and willingness to get on should not be excused away.

and @KatsPJs neither should the fact that there are far fewer jobs available be excused away or blamed on young people.

That was me. Ffs to you too. And fair enough, if you think sitting about gaming all day long while your parents go out to work to pay for your keep as a grown adult is acceptable then carry on. I’m sure the next 50+ years will be plain sailing for all the young people who have chosen that path.

My dds friend is 23 and after finishing her undergrad and masters, she has done nothing...so that's almost a year of sitting around.
Sadly, it's badly affecting her mh, but she doesn't seem able to grasp that her unhappiness and nocturnal lifestyle would be greatly helped by some work and routine 🤷‍♀️
The family have a fair bit of money, so its not like she'll be thrown out.
She also point blank refused to work in the summer holidays, so has nothing on her CV, not even volunteering.
Her mum is tearing her hair out 😕

Risky assumption. Inheritance tax, care home fees, governments moving the goalposts. In the meantime the young are not living a fulfilling life. Wasteful.

I think parents have to take some responsibility for this too though.

So many of DDs (16) friends have very nice phones and generous allowances, will have their driving lessons paid for and a car provided. They go out with friends to concerts and parties and have the right clothes and make up and go on amazing holidays. Working in the evenings for £20 glass collecting or something must seem pointless in that situation.

DD however works, has a savings account for driving lessons and buys her own clothes. We pay for her phone so it is rubbish sim only!

Of course teens don't want to work for min wage if their parents are providing cash and a very nice lifestyle for zero effort.

Wouldn’t you just become a shell of a person? There’s so much to enjoy which is all possible if you can tear yourself away from the Playstation and get out and live

I agree, young people shouldn’t be blamed for the lack of jobs. They should, however, be blamed for spending their days lounging about. I don’t see any posters here saying their child has not been able to find a job yet but has taken over the domestic chores in order to contribute to the household for example. The options are not just well-paying graduate job or never leaving their bedroom. There’s plenty of “work” that can be done to contribute.

YANBU. Your twenties are the best years of your life! Fair enough if you can’t find work, but to not even be looking(!)

They'll never buy a house or get a pension - even a state one - if they don’t work. It’s insane and not helping DC to mollycoddle them.

I don't think they see it as dying with the most stuff. But gaming is more fun than working. So why bother

Agreed.

But gaming fills the void so why bother

I agree.
There have been several posters saying exactly what you haven’t seen. It was earlier in the thread.

I wonder if it is a way of signalling status?

Good on your daughter. The amount of money that is given to so many young people is mind boggling to me. I remember speaking to my niece once who must have been around 17 at the time and she was telling me that she was planning on spending £400 on her boyfriend’s birthday presents! The concept of just how long it would take to earn £400 on minimum wage was lost on her. Because she’d never had to do it - the money would just miraculously appear.

How many parents can afford to keep their kids in luxury from cradle to death? There must be alot of struggling parents sacrificing their pensions and comfortable old age due to spoilt kids.

Maybe.

And maybe these parents are also perpetuating the view that a job in a petrol station or shelf stacking is worse than no job at all. They'd rather they were unemployed than employed in a low status low paid role?

It’s not living a full life is it x

YANBU. My son works but DSD just will not work, there’s always some lame excuse. She’s 22 now and has got one GCSE to her name and has never had a job. She seems
to prefer sitting around watching daytime TV.

What are her parents doing about this?

That sounds tough. I dread any of my children behaving like that. I actually think I'd consider down sizing and moving away to escape.

I love my children but I definitely want my life back once they're adults 😂

Presumably he works because he wants to buy nice things. Does she have no interest in nice things?

The other day I saw a Gen Z American who was questioning if they should take a job which paid 60k remote or one which was 120k fully in the office. I think this says a lot about the way they view work. Actually considering taking 60k less so they can work from home. In the history of man no one has ever wanted to work but it was generally accepted that you have to. In this day and age where they watch people making millions uploading videos of them cleaning their house or going to the drive thru. I can kinda see why their view of work has been completely warped.

As someone who's only ever worked in low paid jobs, that's bloody depressing.

A lot of these similar tales seem to be step-children: I wonder if there's an element of wanting to treat them less harshly because they have things tough at home? Or maybe this is where Disney-Dadding gets you...