AIBU to think everyone has become boring?

[LilacHedgehog123]

Does being mid to late forties mean you have to be boring?

I used to have such a laugh with my mates but these days all they talk about is peri-menopause and laundry! One has to be home by 9 as they're tired and another 2 have given up alcohol. They say they'll have just as good a time drinking water. I know you can have a great night out sober, I've done it many times. But it's not the same though is it? I miss getting tipsy and giggling about silly things until late. Yes we can all have a good laugh sober, obviously. But it's not the SAME. I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten. It's WORTH the hangover and the being tired. It's not every day, it's just once every few months!

I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead as they're so much more fun. I will always be there for my friends don't get me wrong, but when I want a night out, I want to go OUT OUT.

Does anyone else feel the same? When did having responsibilities mean you can't (very occasionally) be silly / stay up too late / be spontaneous? :(

How old are people's kids? I'm in my late 40s and went out clubbing with some mates last weekend, but then all our kids are mid teens+

A few friends don't drink, that's not an issue to me and I don't think it makes people more boring, nor do I feel constrained from drinking around them, though I've never been a big drinker anyway.

I have different sets of friends with whom I do different things - some are lunch, some walking, some nice dinners, but some are still are very definitely good for fun (and often silly) nights out. Maybe every other month or so but I’m 55 and have no desire to knock it on the head. General rule for all groups though is any talk of money, religion, politics or medical ailments is a no no. I have a big full on job and my nights out are about having fun and not concerning myself about serious stuff.

I have proper laughs with my friends and none of us are drunk (too long in the tooth now). But we have a great time and really enjoy each other’s company. I don’t think any of us find each other boring. 🫣

Your idea of a good night out sounds beyond tedious to me - pissed people are SO boring.

It’s possible that your friends have grown up and you haven’t.

Alcohol can make you feel like shit if you're menopausal.

I struggle with this too.
Ive just turned 40 and still love a really good night out, having a good drink and dancing the night away but most of my close freinds all say "they are too old now" which I find really sad.
Ive got a couple of events booked (a rave and a festival in summer with some long distance friends but I'd 100% do more if I had a closer group to go with.
Ive been toying with going solo, Ive joined a solo raver group and really want to try and push myself to do it as I feel lime im missing out on what my heart loves.

I enjoy that OP started a thread saying she didn't want to hear people going on about perimenopause and about 50% of the posts she got are people saying 'now let me tell you some things about my experience of perimenopause'!

I am with you. I am almost 47. I have lots of energy, kids age 6 and 8. I have watched friends around my age tail off, socially. I have a core who are still up for fun. We recently went on a city break. We do silent disco, theatre, beach sauna (I am a wild swimming wanker) bars etc. I do see a lot of women stepping back from all this though. I want to live more, not less. I drink significantly less than even four years ago, and am very clean living generally, but still like a few, and I love to chat and laugh with my friends. It's like therapy. One important point is that I have more disposable income now, and I want to enjoy it a bit now the horror of baby and toddler years are over. I know that not everyone in my group is shouldering the cost of living so easily, so maybe that's a factor too.

Judgy much!!

You know what OP, I completely agree. Not every weekend like I used to but once a month it’s great to have a bit of a blow out, a few drinks, talk about nonsense, and maybe a dance if I’m in the mood.

I’m lucky to have a decent number of childfree friends of the same age as me (40s) and a lot of parent friends who feel the same about having some time out.

As for hangovers, mine are much better than they used to be, possibly because I tend to go out earlier and stop drinking earlier as a result. I also know my limits much better.

Doesn't affect everyone I guess. It's never affected me and I had surgical menopause after a few years of peri. Not seemed to be issue with my friends either,

We’re all different. I used to go clubbing when I was younger but it’s honestly my idea of a hellish night out now (as are festivals and raves). You should do the solo stuff rather than miss out though.

I get you!!! If I go out I want to have fun. I don’t want to go out in the evening unless it’s for fun or we may as well walk the dogs and go for a coffee in the day. Like you say it’s not about the alcohol- sometimes I go out and people have zero idea I’m not drinking, but I have friends who make a big announcement and then it dampens the mood. Or friends who say they’re only having a couple as they this on the next day and I think what’s the point in drinking 😂 I want to get tiddly and if I know we’re going home in a few hours and there’s a limit to the fun it just ruins it for me!

I am TOTALLY with you OP. 48 here with 3 older kids- why are so many people my age around me acting like they are 80? Drives me mad. We’ve late 40’s not late 70’s. To be honest my FIL who is 78 has more energy and life than some of them!
Bed by 10 or earlier - erm what?
Something always wrong- aching this and that. Yes of course people have problems and aches and pains but a lot of it is mindset IMO.
I don’t want to go clubbing but sitting in a restaurant / bar etc with fairly loud music is fun. Lots of friends are almost needing ear defenders 😂 Or moving to quiet rooms in the bar / restaurant as they can’t take the noise.
No one wanting to go out and get tipsey and stagger home late. It’s one of the great joys of life having a laugh and a good night with friends.
People wanting to stay local all the time for everything. No sense of adventure / zest for life. Just wanting to stay home mostly for quite a few of them.
Frustrating. Need to find some more likeminded friends but that’s not easy to do!

You couldn’t pay me to go clubbing and drinking now. The only reason I used to go in the first place was to meet guys (I was young, free and single). Or I went with my bf in a group. I don’t think I ever went to a club for the sake of it, it was more a means to an end. 😁 There would be zero motivation for me to go now and I am a definite homebody. I don’t think I’m boring as I have lots of friends, some I’ve known most of my life.

Yay, @redskyAtNigh, a Lydia Davis fan!

OP, you just have dull friends. I’m 53 and have never had a conversation about laundry or bad backs in my life. I think my life is more interesting than it’s been to date now, as are those of lots of my friends. Lots of people changing careers, following dreams, ending marriages, cutting loose, going slightly mad.

you know what OP I wish I knew you!
I have an 8 year old seriously disabled child- together we laugh and dance and do loads of fun things but she can’t talk and she’s just had a horrible diagnosis. And I’m scared she will die.
But I’m 50 and still full of energy and not remotely sore every day (probably from having to be fit for her) and I wish I could ignore the terror of my life and dance and laugh and be CRINGE and have people think I’m a stupid old woman or whatever.
Its far preferable to the sickening sympathy expressions I often get when I’m with her or those who think I’m just “a great mum” like I don’t have a name or my own life or fucking awesome dance moves.
I want to laugh until I cry instead of crying because despite having a husband that I have to constantly pretend to care about and pretend I’m interested in .. what? No career progression or even half-decent employment. So I cry because this is fucking IT.. forever?
I’d love a night on the town.
Life isn’t a one size fits all for post forties women and you will be a long time dead. Whatever you want to do, do it now. We only have today!

I think sober social occasions are different and it's ok to miss the silliness of drunk ones, I always think sober activities with mates can be lovely or nice, but they are never hilarious or loads of fun. It's ok to want both. I've got some mates who don't drink and are pretty sensible now and we do sensible day time things and I enjoy it. But if I didn't also have some mates who still like a few drinks, a giggle and dance then I would feel like you. It doesn't have to be out either, I often stop over at my best mates on a sat night, we share a bottle of wine or two and have a kitchen disco swinging her kids round and laughing ourselves silly. We also sometimes sit and chat about serious stuff too.

But ultimately it's easy for me to keep drinking as at 37 I haven't got any peri symptoms yet and if I drink a bottle of wine I can still function normally the next day, just a little tired and headachy. If you have bad hangovers I think it's a very different decision. I think you need to find some new party friends!

To me "Happy Hour" is a nap🙂

Much as they might seem boring to you, you might seem juvenile to them? It's just perspective. Your interests are different to theirs. Obviously theirs are more age appropriate, but it's a free world.

Are you childless by any chance?

😂 love this!

Who decides what's Age appropriate?

By your standards I've been proudly boring since my late 20's 🤷‍♀️