Don't Want to use Voucher on 2nd Friend

[BoundaryGirl3939]

I know this sounds petty but I can't help how I feel.

I have a voucher for a really nice restaurant. I asked a good friend of mine to go to this restaurant tomorrow and mentioned i had a voucher we could use. She said great.

She has since messaged me to say she has invited another friend.

I have noticed in the past that when the 3 of us are together that I can be sidelined and ignored. I dont think its intentional but i decided I would stay away from get-togethers with the 3 of us.

This is the petty part. I didnt mind using the voucher on the first friend as she is a good friend. The second lady she invited has been stingy with me in the past and is self absorbed. I dont want to use my voucher on her. Not because of the cash but on principle.

They now know I have this voucher...but I never offered to use it on 2nd friend. How do I get out of this without making things awkward? I can't leave the 3rd lady out but I equally dont want to use it on her.

I'd do this too.

I think it might be an idea to bring it up at your get-together, OP. Maybe something along the lines of 'I'd really prefer it if you would ask me before inviting Sue to our meet ups. I don't dislike her, but it changes the vibe when she joins us.'

Good result. It’s good you took a stand.

For future occasions, tell your friend that you feel excluded when it’s you and her friend together and that it’s not enjoyable for you.

If she doesn’t address it, then vote with your feet and don’t attend when it’s the two of them, decline every time.

Well done Op, that's sorted then.
During the meal you need ask your friend know that you really don't gel with X and enjoy it much more when there are just the two of you. Tell her that you don't really want to go out with X again. After that it would clearly be rude of her to invite the woman in this way again.

Well done OP. Even though no 3 can't make it this time it's good to introduceyour friend to the idea that 3 is sometimes a crowd.

Nothing petty about this @BoundaryGirl3939 Your friend has a real cheek inviting someone else along when there was only going to be you and her. I HATE it when a third person comes along (invited by the person you were seeing.) I don't generally feel sidelined or left out, but I do feel it changes the dynamic, and it pisses me off. On the occasions this happenes now, I do tend to cancel at the last minute!

Just cancel!

I would do this. Extremely rude of her to do this. I would just cancel and save yourself the awkwardness. She might not turn up, but it would really put me off from inviting this friend to anything when she does things like this

I would make a point of saying I actually prefer meeting 1 on 1 with her.
She was rude to just invite the other person with out asking are you ok with it.
I hate when people do it.

Say you've only got the one voucher for her?

OP I'm glad it's worded out. I actually think it's poor form to invite a third person without asking even without a voucher but with a voucher I think you did the right thing.

just say you’d prefer the two of you this time. If she presses just say you find friend 2 a bit full on.
It was rude of her to invite her.

@BoundaryGirl3939 No - it's not rude. I think it's a great answer!! Glad you sent it

Hi Friend, oh im sorry. I suggested it for just us two to utilise the voucher, I cant cover 3rd person with this voucher and feel a bit awkward about the whole thing.

Let me know if you have any time soon to rearrange just us.

It's already sorted

Glad this meet-up will go your way, but if you want to avoid being the third wheel in the future, I think you do need to get it across to Friend 1 that you prefer seeing her one-to-one without Friend 2. You don't have to be brutal, but I'd prefer Friend 1 know a mild version of the truth. Better that than have her continue thinking that you adore Friend 2 when you actually don't. It's okay to prefer one friend over another and not want someone inviting more people along without asking the person who originally set it up.

Lie. Just say that the voucher is just for two, yourself and your friends. If the other lady comes it's going to be really complicated.

This!

Leave the voucher accidentally at home if they ask for It otherwise don’t mention it again. You should use it on yourself as intended.

I have a friend who keeps doing this to me - we'll organise to go somewhere and she'll unexpectedly invite a friend of hers and then act as though that person is a friend of mine.

The worst was when my friend invited herself onto a trip that I was organising for herself...insisting that "we" needed accommodation that would take her two dogs ...and then said that her friend "Sadie" was also invited.

Then it turned out that Sadie has to to bring her greyhound.

Sadly, it turned out that the hotel doesn't accept dogs.

Now I'm being expected to find accommodation (possibly an expensive self-catering lodge) that allows dogs.

I'm thinking that I'll follow my original plan to go to my usual wee hotel for a "fact-finding-mission" on my own...

I've already told my friend I can't find anything. She's developed a memory problem. In the meantime, she, her friend and the three dogs are already booked into a holiday of their choice while "jocularly" telling me off for not having organised my trip to accommodate them yet.

YANBU, @OP . I hope that your backbone is better than mine. (In my defence, my friend was supportive when I was floundering at one point, but I've since realised that she's a bit of a bully overly assertive.)

ETA Have just seen the final update. Good.

Thanks for the update @BoundaryGirl3939 and I'm glad it's sorted. I think you still need to be gently assertive with friend A at some point or it will happen again - either a general "in future" request like "please don't invite extra people to things I arrange without checking with me, or specifically next time you suggest a 1:1 with her "I enjoy catching up with you as just the 2 of us so much more than being part of a group where I find it more difficult to navigate the conversations so please don't invite anyone extra"

I messaged to say that voucher wouldn't cover the 3 of us, and we'd use it another day. She then said that other lady can't make it. So its all good.

There's something about this that's making my whiskers twitch. Be careful that the other lady isn't suddenly available on the day.

Sorry to piss on your chips and I hope I'm wrong.

Just decline and say either me and you share it or I'll save it for another time. She shouldn't have framed it as a free meal to this other friend.

Are you able to partially use the voucher? So just using it to just pay your own meal. Just because you have it doesn't make it some kind of Free for all. If others start being involved assuming you're chipping in for their meal that's just bizarre.

Normal people go out to restaurants with friends either spilt or at the very least just pay for what they've had.

I would say thr voucher covers two meals only, that friend number 3 will have to pay for herself or lets rearrange for another time if that doesnt work.

But just tell her you wanted to see her one on one! That as she’s invited someone else, you will pull out and see her another time, but will she please not invite other people along in future without checking first?

Cancel the voucher.

Sigh.