Don't Want to use Voucher on 2nd Friend

[BoundaryGirl3939]

I know this sounds petty but I can't help how I feel.

I have a voucher for a really nice restaurant. I asked a good friend of mine to go to this restaurant tomorrow and mentioned i had a voucher we could use. She said great.

She has since messaged me to say she has invited another friend.

I have noticed in the past that when the 3 of us are together that I can be sidelined and ignored. I dont think its intentional but i decided I would stay away from get-togethers with the 3 of us.

This is the petty part. I didnt mind using the voucher on the first friend as she is a good friend. The second lady she invited has been stingy with me in the past and is self absorbed. I dont want to use my voucher on her. Not because of the cash but on principle.

They now know I have this voucher...but I never offered to use it on 2nd friend. How do I get out of this without making things awkward? I can't leave the 3rd lady out but I equally dont want to use it on her.

brilliant solution. if other person shows up just pretend you forgot the voucher, if she doesn't show up you can use it.

No, I think that's fine.

I think you need to be honest and say the gift voucher won't stretch for the three of you, and that's why you only invited her. Then suggest rearranging for the 2 of you, or go ahead with the three of you, but you will be saving the voucher for another time. (That's if you want to go twice)

What’s so difficult with being clear?
This isn’t about you not wanting to spend the voucher on the 3rd person, it’s about you feeling excluded when the 3 of you meet AND it’s extremely rude of your friend to invite someone else along.

So you say:
”I invited you, I didn’t invite Ann. This was an invitation to share my voucher with YOU, not you and whoever else you feel like inviting along. I’m actually hurt that you didn’t discuss this with me first. This won’t work for me”.

This is fine.

Definitely don't use this type of voucher with someone you don't really like

Very rude to invite a third person without running it by you first. This seems the bigger issue than who benefits from the voucher. You don't want to go so cancel.

Tell her that the voucher is a meal for 2, not 3 so if she’s now bringing X along it’s not going to work and you’ll need to rearrange for another time.

She probably doesn't know how I feel deep down about the dynamic

Then you need to tell her. She is not a mind-reader.
Find your words.
There have been some good suggestions here, along the lines of "I wanted to just catch up with you one-to-one, so I will bow out on this occasion, lets meet another time".
No need to criticise the third party or say you don't like her.
No need to mention the voucher, as that is not the main issue.

The voucher is for 2 and it will run out soon if I don't use it?

Just don't mention the voucher and it probably won't be mentioned.

If it is (and there are 3 of you at the meal) just pretend you forgot to bring it.

Pretend to forget the voucher and use another day? Or just cancel.

Save the voucher for another day.

Absolutely save the voucher but make sure you tell her clearly right away that you won't be using the voucher and everyone will pay for themselves.

If you feel like you can then next time you invite your friend somewhere, say to her please dont invite anyone else, I really want the two of us to have a catch up.

Is it at all possible she didn't realise you were planning to use the voucher to reduce the price of both your meals?
Because it's a present to you from a relative, maybe she thought you'd just use the voucher for yourself and had just mentioned it to her so she wouldn't be surprised when it came to paying.

Just don't mention the voucher and if she asks then say "oops I forgot it".

Forget the voucher.

It's so rude to invite someone else witbout asking first, I have a pal like this and he invites ppl we dont even know to try snd see his mates at the same time, so we end up meeting randoms for a few hrs and chatting but never seeing them again. Annoying in our 20s, in our late 30s when time is a premium its infuriating!

I'd just message and say voucher won't stretch to three so to avoid singling her out I'll save it for another meeting of the two of us.

You probably need to come clean and say you just wanted the two of you and you wont be using the voucher for any hangers on that you didn't invite.

I wouldn’t pretend to forget the voucher as all meal you’ll be thinking about it and your friend may have planned her budget on relying on the voucher.

But I would just say…Is…. Coming ? If so we can’t use the voucher as it won’t stretch but if it’s just us two we can.

I wouldn’t put emotion into the message saying you wanted his you two but keep it y about the voucher

I think you need your big-girl pants on and you need to communicate how you actually feel with your friend.

You cannot use the voucher on just one friend. Keep the voucher to use another time.

"I'm sorry Kate but there's been a misunderstanding. I've nothing against Laura but I invited you as I really wanted to share a meal with you and catch up, and when it's you, me and Laura it's a very different experience and not the thing I was trying to set up. Obviously it's fine for you to go ahead and meet up with Laura that day if you want to but I won't join you. Please can we find another day where we can go as just the 2 of us?"

I don’t think the 3 rd friend would expect to use the voucher would they? Surely you just use it like you would cash at the end?

One thing that really infuriates me is people inviting someone else to any social occasion, without first consulting the person who invited them. It is the height of rudeness.

I would either text Friend A and say that the voucher is only for 2 people so can she please uninvite B. OR just have a migraine or urgent appointment arise. And then re-book the meal, inviting another friend who doesn’t take the piss.

I think what you’ve suggested saying is perfect - the voucher won’t stretch to three so I won’t be using is.

The issue as well is that you say when the three of you go out, you can be excluded. No way I’d spend my voucher on an evening like that anyway .

I've been blunt with a friend in a similar situation (without the voucher though). She said she'd ask her other friend to join us and I just said, "I'll drop out then if she's coming. I've noticed she always cuts me out of the conversation so there's no point in my being there." My friend did say, "That's a bit blunt!" and I just shrugged and said, "It's the way it is." We now meet up on our own or with other friends regularly, but not with the other friend.