Is this what I asked for??

[ClownsDontHaveNipples]

Ok, so it actually is what I asked for, but bloody hell, use your common sense!

My child (7) decided he'd rather spend the day with my parents than me, fine. No problem with this, he probably spends 40% of his time there anyway, they have very few rules/boundaries, can't blame him.

So, knowing this, all I asked for for Mother's Day was a child-free day. Not a cleaning-free day, not a cooking-free day, just a day without children, just us.

And yet, up he rocked, with his son (17!!), to play his PlayStation (in our bedroom).

If I'm not spending Mother's Day with my own child, I sure as hell don't want to spend it with an almost-adult.

Just one day. That's all I asked for.

And now, because I mumbled something to myself (and he overheard), he's packed up and fucked off.

Give me all you've got, I've got my big girl pants on.

When you say your parents, I assume that includes your own mother? I think it might have been nice to spend the day with her and your son. Mother’s Day doesn’t just apply to you.

Just to add, aware of estrangement but it would have been a perfect time to build bridges. However, if things are so bad between you how come you allow your child to be with heR?

He wanted to go to his grandparents, OP didn't ask or tell him to go. Some people are being ridiculous.
I would be pissed off if I thought I was having a nice chilled day with DH and he turned up with another child (regardless of who they were).

When a 7 year old says he doesn’t like you, what he means is that he thinks you don’t like him! He means he thinks you don’t enjoy spending time with him and maybe doesn’t believe you love him.

You’re being very passive although you have a young child who you accept you are distant from, when you could turn around this sad state of affairs in less than a month. You’re playing with fire letting your no-contact mother have such free access to your son, but sort your relationship with your son first so you are in a better place to decide what boundaries to put in place with your mum.

All a child wants more than anything is to be seen and enjoyed by their parents. When you’re with him, put your phone away, stop doing chores until after he’s in bed, make the chores you have to do a fun activity together, take interest in his interests and make real notes so you can actually show that you are listening. I literally write down my kids’ favourite Pokémon characters so I can ask them for evolution tips or updates. I don’t give a shit about Pokémon but I do care about them, so it’s important to me to care about the things they care about.

You say you set boundaries and are the only one that disciplines him. Ask yourself if you’re disciplining him or curtailing his freedom of expression/ being hyper critical. This one hits close to home as I had to learn that my strictness was damaging the previously close bond I had with one of my children. I turned this around by stopping shouting (it breaks the trust), not reacting or lecturing them when they volunteered information about something they did that I wasn’t happy with, and saying yes to everything unless I actually had to say no. The yes might mean - yes, later but let’s first brush your teeth instead of automatically saying “no, you haven’t brushed your teeth”.

Also answering when they call your name with “yes, love” rather than “what”- it sets the tone both for you and them, and it’s really hard to follow “yes, love” with exasperation, snark or frustration. Praise who he is, not who you want him to be.

Do the above and you’ll quickly find out that he will love spending time with you, and you will start to enjoy being his mother more.

@Dannydevitoiloveyourart read the second paragraph you quoted again and then read the first paragraph you wrote.

So if in a couple who live together one says “o want a child free day with you tomorrow”. Their child has to vacate the home on demand?

No but considering the 17 year old hung out in op bedroom would suggest 17 year old doesn't live there. Im not saying it think the op is right or wrong im saying i understand why she was annoyed

She works those days.

Agreed!

Not only poor reading comprehension, the nastiness is off the scale.

If your partner knew you were hoping to spend the day with just him, then it's unreasonable he brought his 17 year old round and proceeded to ignore you, yes. However much depends on whether you were explicit about wanting to be alone with him, as oppose to just having the day off from your own child. If I was your partner and knew you wanted to enjoy a day away from your child, I wouldn't just assume that meant you wanted me around and the house empty, no.

I agree it sounds very good that this man has moved out of your child’s home. It sounds like he should never have been moved in!

I think the key thing in all of this is that you work on your relationship with your son.

And you do send him to your parents - they are providing free childcare whilst you work. But yet you call your mother nasty and vindictive. I wouldn’t have a nasty and vindictive person care for my child whilst I worked. Breakfast club sounds like the answer here!

So your home is also your partner’s home? You don’t get to tell him when he can and can’t have his son in his own home then. It’s his son’s home too.

Your 7 year old thinks your partner, (who the child has to live with) "doesn't like him"?

OP, that's hard to hear. No wonder DC goes to GP house when he can.

Your (now -ex) partner is best out of your life. I know it must be hard when he has been your social life and adult company for 4 years, but really he isn't the right one for you or DS.