Is this what I asked for??

[ClownsDontHaveNipples]

Ok, so it actually is what I asked for, but bloody hell, use your common sense!

My child (7) decided he'd rather spend the day with my parents than me, fine. No problem with this, he probably spends 40% of his time there anyway, they have very few rules/boundaries, can't blame him.

So, knowing this, all I asked for for Mother's Day was a child-free day. Not a cleaning-free day, not a cooking-free day, just a day without children, just us.

And yet, up he rocked, with his son (17!!), to play his PlayStation (in our bedroom).

If I'm not spending Mother's Day with my own child, I sure as hell don't want to spend it with an almost-adult.

Just one day. That's all I asked for.

And now, because I mumbled something to myself (and he overheard), he's packed up and fucked off.

Give me all you've got, I've got my big girl pants on.

Obviously because it’s Mother’s Day and one of the few times - maybe also your birthday - where you should get what you want to do for the day.

OP it sounds like no one in your life respects you. Maybe you could have some counselling to learn how to put better boundaries in for the people in your life. I’m not blaming you btw. - you seem worn down. Having a vindictive, narcissistic mother will do that to you. Although your DF should have protected you.

If you do get some counselling make sure it’s someone who understands narcissistic abuse and is also a warm person who will back you. If you can’t afford that go on YouTube and look up how to deal with narcissists. I also wonder whether your partner is not a kind person. If you grow up with narcissists you often pick people unconsciously who aren’t necessarily nice to you as you don’t see the red flags.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the break you needed. It’s obviously not the same if you’ve got someone else in the house and is hardly going to be the cosy day with your partner you asked for.

Nooooooooo! Alcoholic. Nasty. Vindictive. The OP is no contact for a reason.

I agree.
And I'd add no insight/introspective thought into the fact with child wants to not spend mothers day with her but with her (probably ruinous?) Parents....

i read threads like this and just think
.... "people make these choices? People's lives are actually like this?"

It just baffling. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

5 pages in and I’m still at “eh???”

The fact that your 7 yo doesn't want to spent time with you, prefers the company of your "nasty, vindictive mother" and that you accommodate it sounds a much larger issue than the boyfriend's son coming over.

OP read ‘It’s Not You’ by Dr Ramani. It might resonate.

To be clear that in a situation like this;

A loving mum would spend the time with her Grandson helping him to plan a surprise. She should be putting his relationship with you first.

A decent dad would support his son to do something for you.

A decent partner would organise something for you, especially knowing that you are not with your son and your own mother is abusive.

There is a thread on here - something like ‘We took you to stately homes’ that is really supportive and one on Reddit called ‘Raised by narcissists’. You will be heard and understood there.

I hear you. As the highest functioning adult (financially, practically and emotionally) in my dysfunctional family, we get it in the neck the most. And no one thinks we might need support because they are too wrapped up in themselves. I might be projecting. But you said you are the only one working. Allowing the grandparent relationship despite your own feelings and being the one with the house all point to ‘over functioning’ in a fucked up system.

Your focus needs to be on self-care and parenting. Don’t live with your partner for now.

Firstly remove the PlayStation from your bedroom.

Secondly, if your partner ignored your excitement about spending the day together and prioritised gaming over you then maybe you need to look at your wider relationship. Is this common? Do you feel supported by him or is he just another example of someone who is letting you down? It sounds like you had a tough childhood and it's very common for children who have grown up in abusive households to develop a pattern of not putting themselves first.

Ouch. “My house”? Which one of these houses is your son’s HOME?

It sounds like you already get your 'one day'.... 40% of the time... whilst your young child is cared for by an emotionally abusive alcoholic.

As a parent who's chosen to minimalise contact with grandparents for much more minor character flaws and who can count on one hand the amount of times anyone has babysat her 8 year old I'm finding it difficult to comprehend or sympathise....

Did you take parenting classes from Karen Matthews or someone similar as you seem to have zero maternal instincts.

You sound a nightmare. No friends, only kid you have wants to spend mothers day away from you, partners now fked off, you say your mum is all sorts of nasty things yet deem her nice enough to do school runs for ds and look after him so you don't have to pay childcare. Say he's rude when he when comes back from his dads - maybe bc he has to come back to a house he never feels welcome in?
The common denominator in all this is you
Your ds even said your partner doesn't like him and you brushed it off....
No wonder he likes his grandparents better. Nothing about rules and boundaries- he probably feels loved, wanted and looked after there.

Eh? Your mums an acoholic and yet you sent your child there on mothers day? The one day you should really spend with your children?
then banned your partners child from you and your partners home? I dont blame him packing and leaving.

the worst bit for me in all this is the fact that your son told you he knows your boyfriend doesn’t like him and you ignored it and continued keeping him around! No wonder your son wants to be elsewhere

If she's NC, yet uses her parents for childcare, that's a massive problem right there.

That's sad, isn't it. Just 7 years old. Try to repair what's happened, OP.
It sounds really tough, but if you go to the GP they can refer you for some counselling if you can't afford private. There are some serious relationship problems to work through here.

Ouch.

I don't know why people find this so strange. I am with my kids every single day. If Mother's Day is a day for me then why can't I spend it in peace by myself lying on the sofa eating chocolate without caring for my children?

I'm sorry you had a shit day op.

What a weekend you’ve had. It’s for the better that your partner is gone. You can now focus on rebuilding your life with your son. Onwards and upwards OP 💐

Is that not mn gold standard though? Prioritising your child over your partner?

The op doesn’t spend every day with her ds. This is a completely different scenario.

The OP was raised by an abusive mother. That can impact on all kinds of things including choice of partner.

Her mum should be encouraging the boy to do something nice for his mum.

Her partner should be doing something nice for her.

Well ops response to similar query was (sic) “why should I pay for childcare when I can get it for free?”

The fact they didn't is very telling is it not?

Wow! If I started treating my equal partner like that, he’d walk and I actually wouldn’t blame him!

Abusive parents often make great grandparents for complex reasons.

The OP definitely does not need to repair the relationship with her own mother in order to allow space for her son’s relationship with her. It’s a sign of maturity and strength that she allows it.

Yes, that's certainly a very confusing situation for that young child.