Is this what I asked for??

[ClownsDontHaveNipples]

Ok, so it actually is what I asked for, but bloody hell, use your common sense!

My child (7) decided he'd rather spend the day with my parents than me, fine. No problem with this, he probably spends 40% of his time there anyway, they have very few rules/boundaries, can't blame him.

So, knowing this, all I asked for for Mother's Day was a child-free day. Not a cleaning-free day, not a cooking-free day, just a day without children, just us.

And yet, up he rocked, with his son (17!!), to play his PlayStation (in our bedroom).

If I'm not spending Mother's Day with my own child, I sure as hell don't want to spend it with an almost-adult.

Just one day. That's all I asked for.

And now, because I mumbled something to myself (and he overheard), he's packed up and fucked off.

Give me all you've got, I've got my big girl pants on.

.

@ClownsDontHaveNipples now that he’s gone, keep him gone!

Move on with your life, head held high, you’ll be happier without anyone than someone who disappoints you continuously.

I can see why your child doesn't want to spend time with you.

A real sign of maturity would be an attempt to heal the wounds, for the sake of the child. How does he process a loving relationship with a grandparent, who is NC with his own mother? How is that a healthy situation? Going to counselling, encouraging the mother to address previous addiction problems and what they led to. Family therapy to open communication.
I'm not saying it's easy, but this situation isn't a good one, and the OP genuinely sounds like she's suffering.

Nasty! And no need.

Well her partner is neither her mother nor the father of a child too young to effort in. Her partners 17 year old is similarly not one of the two classes of people who are expected to make some effort for OP on Mother’s Day - those two people being herself for her own mother and her son’s father on behalf of his young son.

Good grandparents have rules and boundaries which these ones apparently do not.

If you barely see your son it may have been nice for you to a planned a day together doing something fun. Maybe then he might have preferred to be with you?

I hear that you're angry, but is it possible that he thought you wanted a day without any demands? So he busied himself with his DS so you could just chill?

Also, a 17 year old in a room playing on an Xbox doesn't need parenting.

But I digress, this is another issue
It really isn't. You hardly see your son in the week and during the weekend, he spends at least one day with his nan. I assume some of the Saturday is spent with his dad. You hardly ever spent time with home for longer than a few hours.

The one day you should have want to spend quality time with him, it sounds you were relieved he still preferred to spend time with his nan and so did nothing to insist you enjoy the day together. He is 7, not 14. If you had arrange something special, of course your son should have wanted to spend the day with you. You don't seem concern about it though, you're just furious you didn't have a child free day to do whatever you wanted to do with your partner... which even brings suspicion anyway because what can't you do when a 17yo who can look after himself fully is there?

It's all very sad, but for your son rather than you.

I agree. The whole thread is full of posts from folk with poor reading comprehension.

What a mess.

You're NC with your mother (rightly so by the sounds of it) but send your DS there multiple times a week because it's easier for you. So you won't put yourself in the way of her harm, but you're happy to subject your DS to it?

You know DS dislikes your partner but you put your romantic life above your son's wellbeing?

And to follow MN logic (often seen when new mums are upset about not getting a card from a young child) , your partner is not your child so doesn't need to do anything for mothers day, why would you expect him to prioritise you when it's just another Sunday?

I feel really sorry for your DS and you should be working to improve your relationship with him before it's too late - he should be the priority here and it sounds like he's last on the list.

You don’t speak very nicely of your anyone, in fact you speak like you hate everyone around you. This has to affect your relationship with others especially your own son.

And the way you judge your partners ex is really horrible too. She is raising 4 children you are struggling to raise 1.

So it sounds like you think the 17 year olds mother is some old slag that you despise and yet your partner had a kid with her?

I've got a 17yo and 5yo. If I said I wanted a child free day the 17yo wouldn't come into it. He's not really a child, he's a young adult. I can see why your partner didn't see an issue with his 17yo coming round.

Does it take a genius to work out that she didn’t have her own child through their own choice so she said to her husband let’s do something just us and he didn’t listen he went and got his other child which isn’t hers and took him there

Wonder if the dp wanted a child free Father’s Day op would happily ship ds off elsewhere?..

If this is real, I feel for your husbands son. He was sitting quietly into he house elsewhere, how awful not to feel welcome by his step mother. As you say he's almost an adult and requires no care from you so you'd still have gotten a child free day, why not go out with your husband yourself if you wanted a day with him (though you say childfree day not day with husband).

Its also entirely in your control to not have your 7 yr old spend 40% of his time with his grandparents, you just say no not today etc, and get past the probable push back from him. Or join him there or arrange a day out all together for mothers day?

Anyway, overall in the situation you describe, muttering audibly enough and showing you weren't happy with his presence enough to make the 17 year old leave his own home to go elsewhere was an unkind move.

Hi OP

Your DP was forgetful and insensitive. You’re not to blame if you made it clear you’d like to spend the day together, just the two of you. If he didn’t agree with that for any reason (e.g. to be there for his DS if he couldn’t/didn’t want to see his mum), he should have talked to you about it.

But if your 7 year old son feels your (ex)DP doesn’t like him, it’s surely for the best he’s left, especially if you can manage financially as a lone parent. Your DS should want to be with you, especially on Mother’s Day, e.g. a nice day out together without your DP.

Your son must come first. Keep setting boundaries for him. That’s responsible parenting. Kids feel safer with boundaries and are grateful for it in the long-run. Lots of GPs overindulge, though if it’s undermining your parenting, you should set clear boundaries with them (e.g. by talking to your dad).

It’s tough being a lone parent with no/little emotional support from family. But vital to make friends and build your own support network. It’s not healthy to rely on a DP for all one’s social life, even if happily married for 40 years.

Start building a life for you and your son 💐. Maybe plan a special (belated Mother’s Day) day out at Easter, just the two of you. Something you’ll both enjoy.

Mother's day is about being a mother. It doesn't make you queen for the day such that your partner and his child have to arrange their weekend around you. If you were the mother of your partner's child I might see a connection.

The real issue seems to be that your son didn't want to spend the day with you. That is hurtful and it sounds like you then took it out on others. It's odd that he was given that choice instead of asking him what he would like to do with you.

But it's already negatively effecting his relationship with YOU. From an outsider perspective, you don't speak to your mother because she's treated you terribly, then she must be positively gleeful that on mother's day your child has chosen to be at her house! I just couldn't imagine letting my son spend time with someone who has been a dreadful mother to me, not because she'd necessarily be awful to him, but because of the things she could be saying and she's clearly indulging him to make him like being there more than at your home which has normal and positive boundaries!

Why do you feel sorry for him? Mother’s Day really doesn’t mean a lot for younger kids. It’s supposed to be the kid doing “something special” for the mum, not the mum doing something special for the kid. But, at 7 he’s not exactly going to be capable of taking her out for lunch or organising pretty much anything, so the day is fairly meaningless. It’s nice if you have a partner who helps the kid make breakfast in bed/make a card/do something special etc. But we don’t all have partners or partners that give enough of a shit to make an effort

Course you did nothing wrong in this example, you know that.

MORE IMPORTANTLY THOUGH: He doesn’t like your 7 year old child, or at least makes him feel that way.

don’t have a man like that around your son, please.

if you ask yourself deep down why your son didn’t want to be with you on Mother’s Day. Is it because his nana spoils him or because he is uncomfortable with your partner. I suspect a bit of both.

It’s fine to have kid free time now and then, I had a morning to myself yest. I would be devastated however if my son was so unhappy in my home he’d rather go to his nan’s on mother’s day.

I don't understand why so many posters on here are being difficult if you are having a child free day obviously you don't want someone else child there. Also i don't see why you seeing your kid only 40% of the time is shocking i think if a lot of working mums who have joint custody with an ex worked it out i wouldn't think that this is unusual.