Is this what I asked for??

[ClownsDontHaveNipples]

Ok, so it actually is what I asked for, but bloody hell, use your common sense!

My child (7) decided he'd rather spend the day with my parents than me, fine. No problem with this, he probably spends 40% of his time there anyway, they have very few rules/boundaries, can't blame him.

So, knowing this, all I asked for for Mother's Day was a child-free day. Not a cleaning-free day, not a cooking-free day, just a day without children, just us.

And yet, up he rocked, with his son (17!!), to play his PlayStation (in our bedroom).

If I'm not spending Mother's Day with my own child, I sure as hell don't want to spend it with an almost-adult.

Just one day. That's all I asked for.

And now, because I mumbled something to myself (and he overheard), he's packed up and fucked off.

Give me all you've got, I've got my big girl pants on.

Quite honestly, I don't think he likes it when I call him out on anything.

And my child did say to me earlier in the week "X doesn't like me". I sort of fobbed it off, but it's true.

I do think it's for the best that he's gone, but (rightly or wrongly), I do love him, and I do question myself.

Either way, he has gone and I don't think he'll be back, but I do question my logic sometimes.

I don't have any friends, so he has been my entire social life for 4 years.

@ClownsDontHaveNipples Seems like a positive first step would be to try and repair your relationship with your mother. Then, in future, you could spend the day with your parents and your child, and celebrate Mother's Day together as a unit.

Would this be possible?

I do not get this. You didn't want to see your child on Mothers Day? You wanted a child free day?
How strange.

You’re being unreasonable. Just because your son didn’t want to spend the day with you doesn’t mean your partner has to ban his child from the house.

You life together and therefore both of your children should be made to feel at home in the house.

It’s not just your home it’s your partners home too.

imagine if on Father’s Day he turned round and banned your child from the house because his child wasn’t there. That would be seen as outrageous.

It is/was your partners home too, his son should be welcome 24/7, as his child.

What an absolute shit show.

You told your partner you were looking forward to a child free day. Which you had. Your child was not there. He was at his grandparents, who he prefers to spend time with, even on Mother’s Day. Says a lot about you really, even if he’s only 7.

And you sound so disgustingly ungrateful for the help your parents give you… one night a week and they collect after school? Even though you also share custody with his father? When exactly do you even spend quality time with your child? No wonder he’s not arsed spending Mother’s Day with you.

And did you even explicitly tell your partner you wanted to spend the day with just him? Did you make a plan for the day, even if it was just chilling at home together? Sounds like you just said you wanted a child free day… Which you had!

Your partners son is not your child, and presumably your house is also this 17 year olds house? So you wanted your partner to ban this boy from his own home, even though you never actually expressed that to him explicitly?

And what the actual fuck has your partner’s ex got to do with any of this? Why bring up she has multiple children to multiple fathers? Literally no relevance to this situation.

You sound terrible tbh, sound like an inadequate mother and you’re probably having the Mothers Day you’ve created for yourself.

And you also sound bananas drunk. Put the glass down, go to bed, and try be a better mother tomorrow.

Why do you have to "mother" a 17 year old who is on a Playstation in a bedroom? A 17 year old is not a child.

I actually don’t think you’re being that unreasonable. You don’t sound like the most maternal person tbh but you don’t have to be! I love my children but also need a break and if they had requested to go elsewhere, where they were loved and would have a fun day, then I would have taken some time to do something nice with boyfriend or alone.

Controversial opinion possibly but just because its mothers day it doesn't mean you get to dictate what everyone else does. People still need to go about their lives, it doesn't all revolve around you.

I have boundaries with my 6 year old, make him eat vegetables, go to bed, tidy up after himself etc and he is very attached to me and hates being away from me and his home/going to his dad’s or grandparents.

I think instead of justifying his preference of your parents’ house by reference to lack of rules, you should work on your relationship with your 7 year old so you’re someone he wants to spend time with

Maybe because it was Mother's Day?

Don’t let him move back in if your child is saying this. Maybe why he’s staying elsewhere a lot.

You mentioned your mum is an alcoholic - hopefully she’s not any longer if she’s caring for your child.

Mothers Day doesn’t mean every woman who happens to be a mother gets pandered to by literally every random person in their life and gets to boss everyone around.

It simply means mothers will get a card from their kids. Any expectations beyond that are just taking the “holiday” way out of hand

He doesn’t like your 7 year old who he has known since he was 3 and you moved him in and continued the relationship? You chose to spend Mothers Day with just the partner who doesn’t like your kid and not your kid? That’s wild.

We are starting to get to the bottom of why your kid didn’t want to be at your house and it’s not vegetables!

Who are the random people in her life the op is asking to treat her nicely on Mother’s Day? Did she mention the tesco shop assistant? Or the TA at dc’s school? I must have missed that if so, I only read about her wanting her partner to consider her.

The most telling point of this entire story is that your innocent little seven year old boy says that your partner doesn’t like him, and you’ve confirmed that deep down you know that’s true.

This should tell you all you need to know.

1- You should celebrate the fact that he’s “packed up and fucked off”. Change the locks and make it clear he’s not welcome to come back.

2- It’s time to move on with your life and make yourself and your son your number one focus.

Use this Monday to reset your life. Good luck 💐

I would imagine the poor 17 year old was feeling a bit vulnerable on Mother’s Day so his dad thought he’d keep him busy. As a mother yourself it’s pretty selfish to not see this

And my child did say to me earlier in the week "X doesn't like me". I sort of fobbed it off, but it's true.

I can see why your child barely wants to spend any time with you.
You do not sound like a good mum.

You also just don’t sound like a nice person in general, so it’s no surprise that you have no friends either.

Stop banging on about how you work (the vast majority of us do) as this doesn’t mean you’re automatically a good parent.

I think I’d want to be with my child on Mother’s Day and would have gone with them to my parents to see my own mother who it sounds like does a lot of child care and would probably appreciate seeing you and having some acknowledgement.
Saying that I appreciate we are not all the same and your partner sounds like a man child who has been a bit insensitive.

Your partner sounds as if he is the only parent doing any doing any parenting on Mothers Day! You may have wanted a child free day, he may have wanted to spend the time with you, but as is often pointed out on Mumsnet, the best parents prioritise their children, which your partner clearly did here. Perhaps he realises that his sons relationship with his mother is difficult because of the various half siblings and a difficult family dynamic. Perhaps your partner is the stable figure for his child. Perhaps Mothers Day is a difficult time for his child for reasons that have not been shared. Whatever his reasons, good fathers prioritise their children and that is as it should be. If you don't want your partner to prioritise their child then don't date a parent.

Your child has said that he feels that your partner doesn't like him. He will have harboured these feelings, unspoken for a considerable amount of time before vocalising them. I would be more concerned that your son has elected to go to your parents because he knows that your partner might be at your home and he knows he can avoid him by going, as much as he also likes being spoiled.

Personally, I think you should use what has happened today as a wake up call to draw a line in the sand and establish a more positive relationship with your child, before any more damage is done.

The situation seems straightforward: your only child had other plans on Mother's Day. You decided to let him do what he wanted and not insist/request he do something with you. It's probably not what a lot of people here would do, but that's irrelevant to your questions.

The part that's confusing is all I asked for for Mother's Day was a child-free day. Not a cleaning-free day, not a cooking-free day, just a day without children, just us. You'd get a get a cleaning-free or cooking-free day (if you'd wanted one) by not cleaning or cooking, but child-free/just us needs agreement, planning, and cooperation if you live together. It sounds from one of your follow-ups like you DID tell your partner you wanted this but he doesn't remember the conversation.

Did he agree, or acknowledge that he heard/understood? If not, is it possible that he genuinely didn't hear you (not "yes dearing" and tuning you out, but perhaps very absorbed in something?) If so, does he normally have memory difficulties? If he did agree and then brought his son over he needs to be able to discuss that with you even if that means admitting he wasn't listening, didn't understand, or forgot - or just never intended to do what you asked if it ended up inconveniencing him. It's also possible - if you'd just said you were looking forward to a child-free day once you knew your son was out, but you hadn't made specific plans with your partner - that he thought you meant a break from hands-on parenting rather than no one under the legal age of majority in the house.

BUT the two of you should be discussing this; you shouldn't have to ask random arseholes people online. He's a child himself if he's genuinely "taken off" for good because he heard you mumble, but it could also be part of what he perceives as a larger pattern, if YOU aren't clearly communicating what you want up front, and raising the issue directly when you perceive a problem. But you've also said I don't think he likes it when I call him out on anything which makes it seem like there's a real communication (and maybe control) issue on HIS side. Is he generally willing to discuss and compromise when needed? Does he consider your needs and desires about the relationship as important as his own? Is he willing to listen when you're upset, even if he doesn't understand why or wouldn't have been upset himself? Can he admit when he's wrong? Or does he "punish" you (silent treatment, walking out, sulking) when you express a need that isn't exactly in line with his wants? You don't have to answer all that here, of course, but food for thought as IMO he will almost definitely come back at some point.

what was your childhood like OP?

you sound like you don't care that your child prefers to be with his grandparents - don't you ever ask yourself why that is and how you can change that so he wants to spend time with you as his mum, especially in MD? He won't be a child forever, you'll never get those years back,

If you want a childfree day on a day traditionally for children to celebrate their mum , it speaks volumes.

Probably why the 17 year old wants to hang out elsewhere

I so feel for the two children in this post. If I'm reading this correctly, your son spends 40% of his time with a woman with whom you are NC. That must be a tricky dynamic for him, whether you can see that or not. And your (ex) partner's son isn't welcome for the day at his father's home. Imagine the (justified) uproar on MN if a woman posted that her DP wouldn't let her DC over for the day.
As you've said, OP, it's probably better that you've now split. Time now to build on your relationship with your DS and remove some of the confusion I imagine he feels around your difficult family situation. He needs you and he needs your boundaries so perhaps you should limit his time away from you beyond the essential cover when you're at work.

What a bizarre thread. You describe your mother as a nasty, vindictive woman/alcoholic and say she tried to end her life when you were a young adult and yet you’re happy to let your 7 year old child stay with her because she dotes on him. You wanted a child free day on Mother’s Day, of all days, because your 7 year old wanted to stay with your parents. You criticise the 17 year olds mother and the choices she made. You say you have no friends other than “partner”. Girl you need to work on yourself. Get some professional support and get some friends.