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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DD’s ‘friend’ got a buzz cut to spite her?

288 replies

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 12:53

My 22 year old DD has a male ‘friend’ who she has been on and off in a situationship with for a few months, they were friends before that.
On Wednesday she had a few girlfriends over as well as him and were just randomly discussing hairstyles. All the girls including DD mentioned they don’t like buzz cuts and then that was that. Yesterday, he came over to pick up DD to go out and he had been to the barbers and had a buzz cut! Only 3 days after he heard that DD and the other girls mentioned they don’t like them, he got one. I thought it was weird. He had really attractive blond wavy hair and he got rid of it for what?

AIBU to think this was quite narcissistic and he wanted to spite her, could be a bit of a stretch but perhaps even slightly misogynistic. Some males often do try to put down things women like and I’ve seen an increase in these buzz cuts recently.

Am I thinking too much into it or was he being spiteful? It’s just really irked me!

OP posts:
Original poster
RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 15/03/2026 18:07

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

His haircut isn’t her business, and it’s most certainly not yours. Would you be happy if he told you that you needed to alter your hairstyle?

No? Then leave him be. 😉

Bristolandlazy · 15/03/2026 18:08

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

That makes sense, but if it's not a relationship he's not her boyfriend. A situationship means you aren't long term, no commitment etc. I couldn't put up with that myself but each to their own.

BauhausOfEliott · 15/03/2026 18:08

You’re colossally over-invested in this. Your daughter is a grown woman in her 20s and it’s really fucking weird that you’re paying attention to her friend’s haircut choices. He’s not even her boyfriend! And even he was - they’re adults. None of this has anything to do with you and sound mad.

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/03/2026 18:08

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

‘Situationship’ is revealing language. Is it yours or hers? By definition, a situationship means that one person wants more commitment than the other is willing to give. Which side is she on?

Boomer55 · 15/03/2026 18:08

SnoopyPajamas · 15/03/2026 17:59

Your daughter should find some self-respect and drop the situationship. At the very least, he doesn't care what she thinks of him or want to look attractive to her in particular. Leaving aside questions of misogyny and all the rest of it, he's clearly not that into her. It would be a bit low self-esteem on her side to stick around.

Surely, if you take it to the reverse, then women should look attractive for men? 🤷‍♀️

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 15/03/2026 18:09

He isnt her boyfriend, they just like to shag.

Its his hair.

BauhausOfEliott · 15/03/2026 18:09

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

He’s completely entitled to disregard women’s opinions when they’re about his own fucking haircut!

Naneeeeeechangeee · 15/03/2026 18:16

What a weird thing to get your knickers in a twist about.

Instructions · 15/03/2026 18:23

This is utterly batshit

ZoeCM · 15/03/2026 18:38

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

He's not her boyfriend! And even if he was married to her, he'd have every right to cut his hair the way he likes it.

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 18:43

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

You’re worried about his haircut when they’re a “situationship”

Give over!

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 15/03/2026 18:47

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

If you think he shouldn’t get a haircut he fancies just because his girlfriend and her friends don’t like that particular haircut, then you have a deeply disturbing and controlling view of what a relationship is meant to look like. Respecting her and her friendships means doing things according to the aesthetic preferences of her friendship group?! That’s incredibly unhealthy thinking and also makes no sense.

The fact that she isn’t even his girlfriend makes this extra weird, tbh.

ThornsInACheapBouquet · 15/03/2026 18:50

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

Would you be happy if he decided he didnt like a style of hair DD wanted? Would you tell her not to get her hair cut or would you tell her it’s her hair and her choice?

it’s not disrespectful to get a haircut your DD and friends dislike, in fact it’s controlling on your part to think he should do what your DD likes.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/03/2026 18:56

@RedBear685 - maybe he got a buzz cut because that was what he wanted, and felt his choice of haircut didn’t have to depend on the opinion of some friends. He was under no obligation to base his choice for his body on your dd’s opinion - and it was just that - her opinion, not a diktat that he had to follow.

Grapewrath · 15/03/2026 19:04

This is honestly so weird

damsondamsel · 15/03/2026 19:24

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

Quite frankly he is allowed to disregard her opinions on matters like his own hair cut or other personal aesthetic choices, just as she is free to disregard his opinions on her hair/clothes/makeup and do whatever she likes. It is not misogynistic of him to have different opinions on trivial things; he does not always have to appease your daughter and her friends. Also, buzz cuts are pretty fashionable at the moment, which is probs why you've seen more young men with them.

RainbowBagels · 15/03/2026 19:44

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 15/03/2026 18:09

He isnt her boyfriend, they just like to shag.

Its his hair.

This. You said he's a lovely boy, your DD is friends with him even though they occasionally shag. Yet he does something with his own hair and he is suddenly he's turning into someone who disrespects all women and their opinions?? You should raise it with him so he knows what he's dealing with, and has the chance to run a mile!

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 19:54

RainbowBagels · 15/03/2026 19:44

This. You said he's a lovely boy, your DD is friends with him even though they occasionally shag. Yet he does something with his own hair and he is suddenly he's turning into someone who disrespects all women and their opinions?? You should raise it with him so he knows what he's dealing with, and has the chance to run a mile!

Show quote history

And a narcissist!!

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/03/2026 19:55

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

But he isn't her boyfriend and they aren't in a relationship.

Even if so, it is HIS hair. It's completely up to him what he does with it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/03/2026 19:56

damsondamsel · 15/03/2026 19:24

Quite frankly he is allowed to disregard her opinions on matters like his own hair cut or other personal aesthetic choices, just as she is free to disregard his opinions on her hair/clothes/makeup and do whatever she likes. It is not misogynistic of him to have different opinions on trivial things; he does not always have to appease your daughter and her friends. Also, buzz cuts are pretty fashionable at the moment, which is probs why you've seen more young men with them.

Show quote history

I agree completely - you have worded it perfectly, @damsondamsel.

SnoopyPajamas · 15/03/2026 19:58

Boomer55 · 15/03/2026 18:08

Surely, if you take it to the reverse, then women should look attractive for men? 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

We're talking about one specific man and one specific woman here. Anyone can do whatever they like to their own appearance, for any reason. But if you like someone, you don't tend to deliberately go out and change your appearance to something they've just said they don't like. That's a pretty clear statement of disinterest.

It's a casual relationship. The boy can cut his hair however he wants. He doesn't need the girl's permission. But she's equally entitled to decide the buzz cut isn't for her and stop having sex with him! Given that he knows she's not attracted to this hairstyle, I actually suspect he's trying to put her off him and encourage her to be the one to end their fling. The fact that they were friends first makes me suspect this all the more. Getting a bad haircut is far from the craziest thing a man has ever done to avoid initiating a break-up. For all we know, the fling has run its course and he's just trying to find a way to end it without hurting her feelings.

SnoopyPajamas · 15/03/2026 20:04

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

If they're describing it as a "situationship", he's not her boyfriend. And it sounds like he doesn't want to be. If she wants him to be, that's another problem.

You're rushing to the manosphere and misogyny, but they are 22! It's a dumb, awkward age, frankly. He wouldn't be the first 22 year old to get into a casual relationship and not know how to get out of it again.

5128gap · 15/03/2026 20:06

As its a 'situationship' you may be concerned that your DD is being short changed/disrespected, and would prefer to think it was this way from HER choice, and that given the chance he'd offer 'proper boyfriend status'? The haircut business is not the actions of a man 'courting' or trying to impress a woman. Rather they suggest he couldn't care less about her opinion. Is this what bothers you?

PollyBell · 15/03/2026 20:09

Isn't she old enough to handle this herself if she feels like a doormat it in her control to do something about it

She has brains just as much as him i presume so why dont women use them? Being thrown a bot of attention gives women stars in their eyes and follow along like a puppy they dont need too