AIBU to think DD’s ‘friend’ got a buzz cut to spite her?

[RedBear685]

My 22 year old DD has a male ‘friend’ who she has been on and off in a situationship with for a few months, they were friends before that.
On Wednesday she had a few girlfriends over as well as him and were just randomly discussing hairstyles. All the girls including DD mentioned they don’t like buzz cuts and then that was that. Yesterday, he came over to pick up DD to go out and he had been to the barbers and had a buzz cut! Only 3 days after he heard that DD and the other girls mentioned they don’t like them, he got one. I thought it was weird. He had really attractive blond wavy hair and he got rid of it for what?

AIBU to think this was quite narcissistic and he wanted to spite her, could be a bit of a stretch but perhaps even slightly misogynistic. Some males often do try to put down things women like and I’ve seen an increase in these buzz cuts recently.

Am I thinking too much into it or was he being spiteful? It’s just really irked me!

If the buzz cut fails, there's always a surprise relocation to Yemen 😂

(I know it's Friends and it's over the top for comedic effect, but 22 year olds pull iterations of this desperate stunt every day. Don't let your daughter be Janice!)

Someone on another thread asked what 'main character energy' was. This is it. Presuming that your daughter and friends opinion is influencing a mans haircut is vastly overestimating how important their thoughts are.

Flip it the other side. If your daughter had waist length hair and decided she wanted a shoulder length bob for a new look, would she be narcissistic if the guy she was casually dating gave his preference on preferring long hair, but she decided she fancied a change regardless?

Possibly he's met someone he does want a relationship with, and it's a cack handed way of stopping the casual sex without losing the friendship or hurting her feelings. Or he doesn't think he's her boyfriend so couldn't care less what her opinion of his hair is, they were chatting about it and he thought 'ooh buzz cut', not considering that his casual flings mother thought he was son in law material and was now disappointed in him.

What about fin the guy she was in a situationships father gave his preference 🤮

OP. Have you considered getting a hobby or watching TV?

Exactly this

This is honestly getting weirder with every post. “Disregarding women’s views”? He’s not saying women shouldn’t have the vote or get involved with politics, for Christ’s sake - he just chose his own haircut!

I don’t even get what “respects her friendships” means. Does he have to worry about what your daughter’s friends think of his hair now as well as your daughter? Because I can’t imagine anyone giving a stuff. Or does “respecting her friendships” in this context mean you think he’s embarrassed her in front of her friends by showing he’s not under the thumb? Do you think she’s overstated the seriousness of the relationship to them and now feels a bit of a fool?

Also, this is the second post where you’ve said what you want in a boyfriend for your daughter. He isn’t her boyfriend. And that’s what’s really bothering you, isn’t it? You don’t approve of this situation, would rather your daughter had a more serious/stable relationship, and think this is the kind of thing a boyfriend should fall into line on. Well that’s up to your daughter. Maybe she’s happy to have something casual going on. And even if she isn’t, she’s a grown woman - it’s up to her.

You still aren’t getting it RedBear.

He can respect your daughter, respect her friendships, value her views and still choose to cut his hair into any style he chooses.

“Respect” doesn't equal obedience, it doesn't equal compliance.

A “respectful” relationship is not about negating your own opinions and suppressing your own choices in favour of the other persons.

“Respect” means he values her right to make her own decisions and set her own boundaries, and vice versa

My DH and I have been very happily married for nearly 30 years. During that time, I’ve had hair cuts he didn’t like, worn clothes he didn’t like, voted for political parties he didn’t agree with and had friends he wasn’t keen on.

He loves me anyway. A successful relationship doesn't require you to agree on everything all the time.

But if you like someone, you don't tend to deliberately go out and change your appearance to something they've just said they don't like. That's a pretty clear statement of disinterest.

What nonsense. Plenty of people choose their own style and comfort over what their partner would ideally choose, and rightly so.

Also, this man isn’t even the DD’s boyfriend. They’re not in a relationship.

His hair, his body, his choice.

Buzz cuts aren't even interesting enough to be called a stylistic choice. They're just the default way many men make their hair shorter when they're sick of it being long. In a week or two it won't be a buzz cut any more.

How did the daughter actually react to it? We all have our preferences but very often it doesn't actually matter in real life. I prefer clean-shaven men but I can cope if DP grows a temporary short beard (and I don't assume he does it to spite me if that happens, I assume he cba to shave for a few days).

Many years ago I had a FWB who said he didn't fancy women with short hair. I cut my hair short soon after that - not directly because of it but I did think, bet you still fancy me with short hair. He did, and I was smug at proving him wrong. I'd assume this guy felt similarly.

Or he zoned out and didn't process any of their conversation except the words "buzz cut" which reminded him he wanted one.

I gave myself a lockdown buzz cut and it felt really, really satisfying in a weird way - I often think about doing it again.

Buzz cuts are the in style right now!

He's making himself intentionally unattractive as he wants her to dump him so he he doesnt have to dump her,i went goth to get rid of a byf once lol it didn't work he cried n my mum had to get rid for me

Man gets haircut and the mum of a woman
hes sleeping with now thinks he’s a narcissist because her precious doesn’t like
that style. All because she was listening in to a
conversation while just washing up
and minding her own business 😂🤦‍♀️what im
the name of all things is this!!!

I wonder if anyone on here can think of a reason the BF may what to get rid? hmmmm

Did you read this back before you posted it?! Insane.

Maybe he doesn’t want you and your daughter to keep obsessing over him 😂

Good for him for not giving into the female gaze.

I see it as a positive. The guy can do whatever the hell he wants.

Ffs find a god damn hobby op.

My DS (21) and a lot of his uni friends have all had buzz cuts. I think it’s just a trend.
‘Your DD is a friend with benefits’ - I can’t see why he would let her likes/ dislikes influence his appearance .
I think it’s a stretch to read anything like misogyny into how a man chooses to cut his hair!

Why the fuck does he have to gave a haircut your kid approves of vs one he wants? And why is it any of your business?

I think you should gently discourage your daughter from having loveless sex

Maybe he did get his hair cut to show your DD and her pals that he will be his own person. They're not even in a relationship.
Your reaction is unjustified and actually its none of your business what he does with his hair.

This