AIBU - Mother’s Day for ‘women who have chosen not to be mothers’

[Hedgehoggin]

Scrolling through Instagram this morning and I’ve seen some Mother’s Day content - AIBU to think that ‘women who have chosen not to be mothers’ being celebrated on Mother’s Day is just bonkers?

There generally isn’t much acknowledgement of the feelings of infertile or circumstantially childless men in public discourse. And male infertility in particular. Fathers’ Day is undoubtedly difficult for men who really want/wanted to be fathers but couldn’t for whatever reason.

Too late I’m afraid, it’s normal practice for the late transitioned transwoman to demand full Mother’s Day honours from their offspring, just another thing they have robbed from their poor, long suffering wives. There wouldn’t be special cards for this, though, because that would mean acknowledging that there are actually some pretty important differences between them and the actual mothers of their children.

I've never seen it myself, but if so, that's just as silly.

I'm sure many days are difficult for many people for a whole variety of reasons, but it would do people well to remember that it's not always all about you. If there's a day - one day - for mothers to get a bit of extra attention and fuss, just let them have it without needing to mention all and sundry.

I think the majority of people I know who post similar graphics either have suffered loss/fertility issues or had a close friend/relative who has suffered a recent loss eg mum due or are currently having fertility issues (they don’t tag these people in by the way)

I shall await that date with interest.

Sorry about your Dad!

I don't have a Dad, I had to make Granda cress in primary school when everyone else was making Dad cress. Wonder if they'll get their knickers in a twist about that. The abbhorence, it's Fathers day, not Grandfather's day!!!!

Well, obviously you'll remember your father, and perhaps do something in his memory, or that makes you feel close to him - I don't know. I'm sure it will be a difficult day, but hopefully one with many good memories to recall too.
But that makes sense, because it's father's day, and he's still your father whether he's here or not.

I can't imagine anyone being made to feel better by a cringy meme. My dad died last year and if there was a similar meme on facebook for father's day (not that there would be because dad's are allowed to just be dad's) then it certainly wouldn't make me feel better.

Ugh bad idea. My cat' idea of breakfast in bed is depositing mouse kidneys on my pillow.

It’s a shame you felt that way and didn’t take a step back from the forums. It sounds like you were anxious and overwhelmed.Ive found parenting advice online can be really similar - just so much of it, with lots of contradictions
and judgement.

But that’s what it is to be online in 2026, there are millions of opinions and they are not all going to align with your own. Some might make you stop and think, some might make you change your stance in a positive way and some might make you despair at humanity.

I think we all need to learn to filter that information in the way that’s healthiest for us. Sometimes that is stepping away, learning what to scroll past and not internalising every opinion of randoms online who you might never like or respect in real life.

I think Mothers Day should be about mothers. There are plenty of other opportunities to celebrate for those who are not, International Women’s Day was only a week ago.

It's the thought that counts!😄

Grieving mums?

Again, the post wasn't about celebration. It was about awareness. Nobody wants to celebrate infertility, child loss, parent loss, health conditions etc...

Slightly weird take. I lost my mum young and I don't begrudge other people celebrating their mothers - I'm glad that other people are lucky enough to still have theirs. But that doesn't mean today isn't painful for me or that I'm going to pretend my mum never existed for other people's comfort. I remember and miss my mum every Mothers' Day and I'm sure I always will.

I really value and appreciate people like Prince William publicly remembering those of us who are missing our mums today and making it more socially acceptable to honour and celebrate ours too.

You are free to feel differently and I am free to object to attempts at shaming by people who think I should pretend my mum never existed.

Doesnt really matter, but…
they could say/pretend they wanted children & were unable?

Ok I’ll bite ‘pretend’??

This is a good point

Who could?

theres women that choose not to have children due to not wanting to pass on a genetic condition etc. be kind

Yes that covers that.

Honestly, people/companies try to include everyone and they still get flamed for it. I bet they wonder why they bother!

It does seem odd except in the case of a woman who is the family go to, mentor and matriarch but then it would not be a formal thing.

Just a bit more commercialisation we could do without.

That’s all good advice (my example was from 20 years ago something I can see with the benefit of hindsight) but doesn’t help anyone feeling overwhelned by the volume of “think of everyone else” memes. It was only an example to demonstrate how it’s taken. We can’t control that.

No it doesn’t really. I wasn’t able to have children, but now I’m in my 60s I no longer “yearn” for them. Most people who weren’t able to have children come to a place of acceptance over time, get on with their lives and wouldn’t want to be thought of as still “yearning” for motherhood. It’s patronising as pp said.