AIBU - Mother’s Day for ‘women who have chosen not to be mothers’

[Hedgehoggin]

Scrolling through Instagram this morning and I’ve seen some Mother’s Day content - AIBU to think that ‘women who have chosen not to be mothers’ being celebrated on Mother’s Day is just bonkers?

The way you feel has nothing to do with me

Honestly, I find it very patronising.

I hope to be a mother, but fertility issues mean I’ve been trying for 3-4 years.

Mother’s Day, until I’m a mother, is not for or about me. I don’t need to be placated like a child with a participation trophy. I can accept that Mother’s Day is about celebrating women who actually are mothers.

I agree. It's similar to when someone moans about their mother/father/MIL etc and an idiot comes out with 'well at least your mother/father/MIL etc' is still alive.

Yes, but it's not 'Selfless Human Day', it's 'Mother's Day'.

That's pretty black and white. It's not 'Mothers and other women who don't have children and may or may not feel bad about that, so actually just every woman in the world day'. It's Mother's Day.

I know... and likewise. I don't quite understand your point.

I entirely understand and I disagree. Mother's Day should be for people who have birthed, carried or raised children. I accept it's difficult for those who wanted ("yearned" in the graphic) to do those things and couldn't. Or for anyone who has lost their mother.

Anyone else is irrelevant. Especially anyone who chose not to have children. We can claim another day.

Where in the image you posted does it say ‘celebrate’ - it says ‘thinking of’

Acknowledging that Mother’s day is hard for some groups. It’s not saying the day is for them specifically or even to go out and buy them a card.

People don’t seem able to think critically or even just read basic info these days.

I never said mothers day should be for other women all i have said is women choosing not to have children is not always a choice they wanted to make

The concept of inclusivity going up it's own arse again.

I disagree. There could definitely be a graphic for 'dads who are mums'. My dad certainly took on the role of both when I was 4yo, when my mum didn't want to know.

Yes I bet that was actually the reason!

Literally no one is implying anything about you. MN never ceased to amaze me with the amount of adults who can't read something that they don't feel applies to them without getting in a tizzy that it does or leaping to extremes that people are "insisting" on something. Do people have no literacy skills anymore? The amount of posters who can't seem to read context clues that it's literally a graphic (not a card!) mentioning all kinds of people (not insisting they're celebrated or given lr debts or cards) who may have all kinds of thoughts about mother's day.

Would you be so myopic and unempathetic if your daughter grew up and struggled with infertility or complex reasons why she couldn't choose to have children? Would you tell her to shut up if she communicated to you mother's day is a bit of a rough day for her and say "well tough shit this day is about me and people like me only?"

No one's asking you to celebrate these people or do anything, yet you're getting your knickers so twisted about the concept that a graphic simply mentioned a thought to others for whom mother's day might be difficult. The lack of empathy and literacy on here concerns me but particularly from people raising the next generation.

Why are people incapable of grasping the difference between individuals choosing to show empathy for friends and family, and the messages that are promoted in mass 'marketing'?

Because there isn't any difference if you're capable of showing empathy to those you know this graphic is referring to when no one is asking anything of with this message. Do you wanna explain the difference and explain what you think the graphic is asking of you that you spent your mother's day getting so worked up about it ?

It's not Mother's Day where I live.

And I think just its silly to say that Mother's Day should also be about people who aren't mothers.

Agreed it is bonkers, weve just had international women's day!

International Women’s day celebrates women. That graphic/meme is not about celebration it is making people aware that Mother’s Day can be different/difficult for some

Can you explain how this graphic is making this day "about" anyone else simply by a mention of them or how this makes the day any less "about" you? You're not rationalising what you're saying and seem to be having a quite emotional reaction to this which is totally out of kilter with what it actually is ..just a graphic shared online presumably due to social media on days like this being flooded with mothers day stuff.

Exactly, people presumably also don't seem to be aware that many of the categories in the graphic can apply to those who are already mothers as well but who may find the day difficult because of their own experience with their mum or having to choose to not have anymore children in a situation where that's not their preference. God forbid any awareness is raised though, apparently by doing so they're basically snatched mother's day away from anyone who finds it a lovely day and made it completely impossible for them to enjoy it

I'm not sure how saying it's wrong or silly is emotional? My argument is very simple – Mother's Day is about mothers, so it just seems silly to specifically mention people who aren't mothers.

You're projecting motivations onto me that just aren't there, I'm afraid.

Absolutely. “Those who have accepted that they won’t be a mum” or something similar would have made sense to me…

@Soupsavior Mother’s Day was bittersweet for me this year, thoughtful gifts from DC, confusion from DM as dementia meant at times she didn’t always know what was going on. Also with the knowledge that next year even if she is still with us the chances that she will know that she is my mum are very small.

Yeah it's not always a positive choice is it.

You're projecting motivations onto me that just aren't there, I'm afraid.

The irony is that you don't see that you're the one projecting the idea that someone is taking something away from you.

I'm so sorry, that must be really hard. Thinking of you💐