AIBU - Mother’s Day for ‘women who have chosen not to be mothers’

[Hedgehoggin]

Scrolling through Instagram this morning and I’ve seen some Mother’s Day content - AIBU to think that ‘women who have chosen not to be mothers’ being celebrated on Mother’s Day is just bonkers?

People on here are always saying 'well why did you have a baby with him?!' or 'why did you have a baby when you didn't have enough money', lots of people out there in these situations don't even though they long for children just as much as those who do have them. They don't because they doubt their relationship, mental health, financial stability, maybe genetic illnesses. Just because they've chosen not to doesnt mean they don't find it hard.

I am a mum, and that would totally be the best Mother’s Day ever. (So long as it’s not rodent in the bowl they plonk next to my pillow).

Where’s the one that says ‘for those who identify as mothers”? Someone has missed a trick!

Exactly, I don't get the rage against it, it's a few words there that might make someone feel less alone, where is the harm in that?

We just get pictures of cars, golf, sheds and spanners 😂

Their idea of 'breakfast in bed' could be quite challenging to receive graciously!

And "For pregnant men everywhere" 😁

Cheered me up no end. But don’t laugh too soon…

Its not rage I just think its ridiculous.

Also, who is going to buy this card for the person if they have no children?

It would feel monumentally cruel to buy someone a Mother's Day if they struggled with infertility- like rubbing salt into their wound

Much more appropriate

Yes of course but what we’re saying is Mother’s Day isn’t the right day to celebrate this

Agreed.

I would also point out that choosing not to have children isn’t always a positive choice. It could be because of not wishing to pass on a genetic disease, or for mental health reasons, for example.

I'm childfree and these posts annoy me. It's patronising. I don't need to be 'thought about', thank you.

Those who have twisted knickers relax, it's only more twee nonsense.
It was originally about going back to your mother church, not about women who have had/not had babies.
Anyway as you were...

I don't think it's a card, it's an image for sharing on social media. But I agree, I think it would be a terrible idea to send it to women in the 'yearning' category, or either of the bereaved categories.

How is she being selfish or getting worked up about it?

Why would someone who’s chosen not to be a mum expect to be thought about on Mothers Day?

Ah it's online. I still think it would be really hard to look at it if you were struggling with fertility though.

YANBU. It is odd and unnecessary. I certainly don't need thinking of on Mother's Day lol.

why can’t I just have one day where I get breakfast in bed and a bunch of flowers without having to think of others?

You don't have to think of anyone else when you're enjoying your Mother's Day with your children. Why would that need to stop? Who's forcing you to? Just crack in and enjoy your day.

People are talking about salt being rubbed into wounds if people were given cards that they didn't want.... But that is absolutely not what is happening here! Nowhere is there a sign saying that people should buy cards for everybody in those categories! Because buying a card for somebody depends upon your personal relationship with that person and your awareness of their needs. It seems to me it's just one of those examples where people try to find reasons to justify getting upset about something and then they start talking about " what would happen IF...."
So yeah... IF I know somebody who is in agony over infertility, and it's incredibly painful subject, of course I wouldn't send them a card!
However, IF I know an old lady in my street who has no children but seems to mother everybody that she meets.... and crucially in that situation if she has said something along the lines of " I loved it a few years ago when blah blah blah gave me a Mother's Day card" .... then I might.

But the point is in this situation I would expect person 1 to see that post from the mirror or wherever, feel their pang of hurt and then scroll and move past it. Because nobody has personally come to hurt them by giving them a card! and plus their pain of infertility is agony for them on a day-to-day, deep level and not really affected by what the mirror puts on its Facebook feed
Whereas person 2 may see the post and think yeah. I feel a bit of joy from that.....
It just seems as though there is so much actual cruelty and idiotic content spewed out by the media that we could focus on instead?

That's what I was thinking.
As a childless/childfree woman I don't want a mother's card!

I'd imagine it's just a marketing ploy to sell more tat.

But of course I will say that IF your reaction is to feel aggrieved, then that's your right! The media puts things out to get a reaction. 😉
I'm just explaining that for me personally, when I find myself getting aggrieved about similar things, I try and reflect on whether I'm being kind or not.

I wouldn't really call that 'choosing' though. They are women who were not in a position to have a child. It's not the exactly choosing not to or being infertile. It's childless by circumstance.

Totally ridiculous. I never thought I would be able to have my only DC, it was a miracle. If they hadn't come along, the last thing I would have wanted was to have been involved in any way with Mother's Day. It would be too painful. I understand it is well meaning, but individual experiences are too complex to be covered by a single 'heart warming' social media post. Save MD for people who have had children, and for those who have had a more difficult experience (loss, infertility) base your response on what you know about that individual person rather than a blanket statement.