AIBU - Mother’s Day for ‘women who have chosen not to be mothers’

[Hedgehoggin]

Scrolling through Instagram this morning and I’ve seen some Mother’s Day content - AIBU to think that ‘women who have chosen not to be mothers’ being celebrated on Mother’s Day is just bonkers?

The two unfortunately go hand in hand don't they. You can't become a mother biologically without fertility. I'm not a mother technically because all of my pregnancies have ended without a live baby. My complex feelings regarding infertility, motherhood and mothers day dont get to just go away because it's mother's day.

There are women who, for religious/cultural reasons, have little choice in whether to become a mother or not. Mothers’ Day could evoke complex feelings for them too.

'Fur baby' mothers. FFS.

It’s bonkers.

international women’s day is for all women

mothers day is for mothers

No. It's not about smugness or ignorance, it's about reality. They're not mothers, so mother's day isn't for them.

If I really wanted to be an astronaut but never managed to achieve that dream because of factors beyond my control, and was devastated by my dream being crushed...I still wouldn't expect to be 'thought of' on astronaut's day.
Because I'm not an astronaut. It would be silly.

The graphic is just expressing thoughts to people who have lost their mum. It is not saying to get them a card or flowers.

Like a few PP have said, the picture is basically saying that many people will find today difficult for lots of reasons.

And I'm sorry that you've been through that - it sounds devastating - but I don't understand your point.

Mother's day is for mothers. I'm sure it must be very difficult for some women who have struggled with infertility, and I'm sorry for that, but it doesn't make sense to try to raise awareness about infertility on a day that's supposed to be celebrating mothers.

💐

And it can be, but Mother’s Day can be hard for some people specifically because it’s Mother’s Day so that’s why I can see the point of mentioning it today. It doesn’t take anything away from those who actually are mothers so I don’t see the issue with it.

This is the problem with the Internet and forums etc. There is just too much 'noise' and too many people with - quite frankly - bizarre takes on things, that if you read too much it can start making you question your sanity. Forty years ago if you were planning your wedding you'd probably have your female relatives, your mates and maybe some colleagues offering their opinions if asked and you'd just crack on organising things how you'd wish. Now there are thousands of people spouting shite at the touch of a button and filtering out the mad bollocks from the stuff that is actually useful is too much.

That's really how I see it, too. It's just an acknowledgement.

I think that if a graphic saying “thinking of people who might find Mother’s Day difficult” makes you feel awkward or small, maybe you should seek some kind of counselling or support? I’m not trying to be mean but seriously.

Schroedinger's Mum 😂😂😂

Thank you. To me, that is just the point. Mother's day can be a very difficult day -for many reasons. Mothers day should absolutely be celebrated by those who want to, whichever way they see fit. But it is worth holding mind that this made up, commercialised day can be very very difficult for many women.

So why the OP was bothered by a technicality on a social media post is questionable to me and many others.

@OtterlyAstounding but that’s the point of the graphic, to acknowledge on Mother’s Day it might not be a day of celebration for some women. A friend of mine posts a similar graphic on Mother’s Day, for years she had heartbreak whilst TTC. Now is a mum. She still posts it and knows there are others in the position she was in

What if you were the widow or child of an astronaut killed while doing their job? Would you then expect to be thought of on astronauts’ day?

I also think weddings have become huge, more so than they used to be. People seem to have more of a disposable income and the impact of SM amplifies that - the spending, the image, the performance. I can see how it can get overwhelming.

You’ll have to wait to 29 Jan 27 to find out

It seems odd to remind women that they should remember to feel bad for other women who aren't them, on a day that's supposed to be about celebrating them.

And I do notice it doesn't seem to happen on Father's Day...

That people waste their Mother’s Day to be mad about this is absolutely wild. Could be spending time with their kids instead they’re foaming about something inconsequential on mumsnet.

It’s not even asking you to do it. It’s saying they are doing it! they have probably reposted it from somewhere as it’s a way of being inclusive.

As PPs said, it’s not that deep. It’s also in no way saying:

• go out and buy them a card
• celebrate them
• theyre more important than mums

which is all the drivel people have come up with on this thread.

I think this is really indicative of what’s wrong with society - people not reading it properly. Jumping on a clickbait title and getting all angry about something that does not affect them one bit!!

No. Because I wouldn't be an astronaut, would I? That would be silly. Although I imagine I would think of/celebrate my astronaut parent or partner, I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to think of me.

It does happen for Father's day.

How about this one?

DF died last month, so this year will be my first Father's Day without him.

If a similar graphic does come out for Father's Day, then I guess thinking of people like me will be taking something away from dads.... somehow.