Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

[ZanySheep]

We have talked about marriage although bf is still going through his divorce. 3.5 years in, we live together with my kids (they call him step dad) he's met everyone on my side we are very very happy . His ex has said to him I will never be a part of their dd's lives (19&21yrs) still I have never met them because of this . They were living together when we met. They are still married going thru divorce. I have a feeling he will propose when divorce comes through.. my question is should I say yes if I've never met his girls ? I've met his parents , some friends. They live local he sees them every week , gives them money still . He's a brilliant dad . What are everyone's thoughts ?..

That’s exactly the story of a friend of mine in his late 40s. He’s good looking and a player, slept with 400 women. Always cheats, has women everywhere. Had various kids with flings who were younger & wanted kids.

he’s now touching 50. Going grey, but dyes his hair. Doesn’t look the 25 year-old he always did. Finds it hard to explain away several kids to impressionable twenty-something girls who want to live with him.

he’s now finding it harder to sleep with babes and get women to stick around. He’s had to drop his standards.

so he’s either getting gold diggers or women he likes who dump him once they find out his real age and he’s got kids and exes all over the place or they ask for increasing amounts of cash to stay with him, which he’s not prepared to pay out as he’s a tight arze.

I told him at least 10 years ago that he would end up alone and penniless, robbed dry by gold diggers and it’s turning out that way.

Well I do hope that your husband never told his children 'you either accept my new partner in your lives or you don't see me either.'

If they've chosen to have nothing to do with him because he left to be with you, that's an awful shame. The fact they've chosen to have nothing to do with you is entirely their right and I don't think you have much to complain about. You got him and that should be enough. You don't get the promise of an easy ride with his children. If you do get it then that's a bonus. But you were never entitled to it.

That’s very sad. He has no regrets - yet his actions caused his children to break ties with him?

He sounds like a very selfish man.

People use the word bitter when they aren’t willing or able to understand the consequences o their actions/ The aren’t bitter, they just have a moral compass a don’t want to associate with you or their father. .

@Oldtigernidster "it’s their loss as they are bitter"

What "loss" ?

They haven't lost anything apart from a shitty, cheating father.

And how can you claim they are 'bitter' if you never speak to them ?

Maybe they just have good taste.

Agree. I hate the word bitter being thrown out when the reality is the kids probably despise their cheating parent and the affair partner for wrecking their childhood.
And not sure how exactly it’s their loss to have nothing to do with a parent who prioritised his sex life over his kids. Imagine being smug and sneering about being one of the reasons kids don’t speak to their parent - just grim.

I’ve posted before about my friend who committed suicide at 5 months pregnant when she discovered her husband was shagging someone young enough to be his daughter. That’s the reality of what damage cheating can do.

Give the guy a break !

hardly a player 2 women in all those years.

we don't know what went on behind closed doors

sounds like he's found happiness may not necessarily move onto another just cos he split up once

They are adults they should have made their own mind up to meet you. They need a chat with their dad and can meet you just don't tell mum or they aren't interested in meeting you. Its up to how it make you feel, I would be sad I had not met them as they are part of his life, a video call could be set up if meeting is a problem.

Completely weird ,
red flag city
why on earth can you not meet them, they are not 5 !!!
what has he done that’s so bad they can’t be part of his new life.
having been completely burnt by a Covid narcissist who appeared to be perfect partner? I would be really suspicious of this. Why is he living with you? How much is he contributing? Who owns the house? I’m guessing you please be careful. I’m sorry to put a damper on this, but I’m really concerned for your OP be really careful. Ultimately you wouldn’t be posting on here if your gut wasn’t telling you that something’s not quite right listen to your gut good luck.

Covert ,,,, not Covid voice text apologys

why would they want to video conference with her if they don’t want to meet her? The video conferencing won’t change the fact that she is the women who their dad had an affair with!

they might never want to meet her - and that’s okay.

There’s that saying that when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy.

You’ve only got his word for how his marriage had deteriorated and how good a father he is.

I've never known this to be true.

You shagged their dad and broke up their parents. Then promptly moved him in with your own kids. Because he’s a somewhat better parent than your ex by dint of doing the bare minimum, you talk about him like he’s got a golden cock. Massive pick me energy.

Marry away girl, this sounds like it can only end well.

I think, as theyre both adults now (DD's), its really quite irrelevant whether or not you meet them. And, as another post mentioned, it may be that they dont want to meet you, as 'the other woman/who broke up their Family' (not my judgment but may be theirs). You sound like you know what you want and so it'll either work out or it wont. And such is life:) Good luck in whatever you choose to do

My dad left for someone else over 40 years ago. All 4 children involved (2 children each) were teenagers at the time.
My mother was absolutely devastated for many years. It nearly destroyed her. But,my dad and step mum have been ecstatically happy all that time. So in love they didnt particularly want any of us kids to be involved. My dad has never met my sisters children. But why would they care,they have each other and they are in love?
But,they are now in their 80s and ill. They are unable to care for themselves and need lots of support. Guess what? None of us are interested. They're on their own. You reap what you sow.

Do you really believe he was sleeping on the floor at home when you met?. If his marriage was truly broken then his wife would have been glad to see the back of him. She is likely devastated so no wonder his daughters won't see you out of loyalty and love for their mum. I wouldn't marry him if I were you but then I would never get involved with a married man still living in the marital home at the point of meeting,

If your husband has no regrets about losing his children, then he is not a man worth being with.

Same with my dad… but his relationship broke down so he is single too… he is 80 and starting to need help… and there is no one to help him… 4 kids… not interested just as he has not been interested in us for the last 40 years.

and after all this time he still tries to point the finger anywhere but his own infidelity for the break down of our family. Sad really.

You sound delightful

He cheated on their mother with the OP do you really think they will EVER accept her in their life realistically??

I wouldn't marry him, will make the split easier in a few years when he trades you in for a younger model when the next 'other woman' comes along.

Crikey no, of course not. Put your kids first.

”If he’ll do it with you, he’ll do it to you” is a line from a book called The Other Woman, by Joy Fielding.

It happens all the time, life is messy. We are humans, not perfect.

So does rape, theft, war… it doesn’t make it ok