Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

[ZanySheep]

We have talked about marriage although bf is still going through his divorce. 3.5 years in, we live together with my kids (they call him step dad) he's met everyone on my side we are very very happy . His ex has said to him I will never be a part of their dd's lives (19&21yrs) still I have never met them because of this . They were living together when we met. They are still married going thru divorce. I have a feeling he will propose when divorce comes through.. my question is should I say yes if I've never met his girls ? I've met his parents , some friends. They live local he sees them every week , gives them money still . He's a brilliant dad . What are everyone's thoughts ?..

A hard worker on a good wage couldn't afford a bed?

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I've heard it all now !

The best? Your bar must be in hell.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone as gullible as OP 😂

🙄😂
Never heard this one before ( sarcasm)
Best Dad's don't lie and cheat on their wives, they are honest and upfront when they feel the marriage is dead.
Remember if you marry a man who cheated on his wife, you are married to a man who cheats on his wife!

I expect he is the one who doesnt want you to meet his daughters OP becsuse they know the truth about him. Ill bet his relationship was fine until he met you and they were sleeping together right up until the day he left. He certainly wouldnt want you to find out until you are married and its too late.

Of course she's still bitter, you played a massive part in breaking up a family.

I wouldn't marry a man with such loose morals and poor character as his.

"The best" 😂

Even if the sleeping separately story is true, some couples do sleep apart as it just suits them.

My husband and I have sperate bedrooms. I can assure you we are very much married, very much a couple and we have lots and lots of sex.

Yes marriages break down but most decent people don’t start an affair and the lying that goes with it before they have fully broken up from one relationship.
I think the idea of you marrying again has disaster written all over it. As presumably you will not be having children, then there is absolutely no need to.
By not marrying you will be protecting your assets for your own children to inherit.
You have not met his daughters. If you were to marry they might move in with you and he would probably put them before you.

Do you genuinely believe this man was really sleeping on the floor for a year?

You may say, well none of us know the truth. But neither does the OP. She has only got what she has been told, just like the rest of us.

Ask yourself logically, why would a man sleep on the floor for a whole year when he could have easily gone to his mother's? He wouldn't. His children weren't little and it would have been worse seeing dad on the floor every night. It makes no sense. What makes sense is that he was sleeping with his wife whilst he was having an affair and then decided to use it as an exit affair, which is incredibly common.

Now the OP wants to hand over her and her children's financial security to someone who has a very loose relationship with the truth.

You keep saying he's an amazing Dad. He's not, amazing Dad's don't have affairs.

Yes, it sounds like his relationship with their mother needed to end, but there are adult ways to do that that are less likely to be traumatic for the kids. Having an affair isn't one of them.

Funny that, given he’s not actually divorced yet.

Ultimately if two grown women do not want to meet their father’s side piece that decision is theirs. it has nothing to do with the ex wife.

They’re not toddlers. They’re grown women.

So the reality is, his children can’t stand you to the extent they don’t even want to meet you.

Think about that.

Think about the fact they likely can’t stand your innocent children either, who are caught up in this shitshow.

As for all this “he’s the best/the love of my life” bollocks, how cringe.

I’d be ashamed of my daughter if she shacked up with a married man and thought she had more rights to him than his own children, and failed to see her own part in the reason they want nothing to do with her.

But hey it’s all the ex wife’s fault innit?

Get real.

...and he didn't actually leave for a fair while...

...yet... You've never met them.... and they still don't want to meet you?

How do you know how much they think he's the best? As it's only him that's telling you anything??

I neither know nor care whether he slept on the floor for a year. I neither know nor care whether his marriage was as good as over before he started seeing the OP. I only know that people can be so narrow minded when it comes to dishing out blame and calling people bad fathers for leaving the mother of their children. But when a woman with kids comes on here to weep and wail about how unhappy she is, how taken for granted, how she can't stand her husband any longer for whatever reason, and she's told to LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE every time.

Absolutely no-one says 'well you've got kids so you'd be an absolutely terrible mother to break up the family home. Terrible. You should just suck it up and stay miserable until your kids are at least 25 or you'll ruin their lives.' Even when women admit to being unfaithful and then immediately try to justify it with some sob story about how awful their ex was and how they had low self esteem because of him, everyone on here just laps it up. 'Oh you poor love, don't blame yourself, you deserve to be happy, you are so brave to admit this.' Blah blah.

It's the double standards that get me every time. The man had an affair and left. He's not a multiple axe murderer. He sounds like a decent father who was unhappy in his marriage, like hundreds of thousands of other people. He spends plenty of time with his DDs and has respected their boundaries and feelings about his new relationship.

It's this constant insistence that he can't possibly be a good man or a good dad, and he must be a player, purely because he had an affair and left his wife. Whether his marriage was already on its last legs or not is irrelevant really, because no-one is prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt on that anyway.

I agree the OP doesn't need to marry him and I'd question whether it's financially prudent for her to do so, if she has her own assets like she says. I think most people with children and a home of their own are far too quick to jump into another marriage, move someone new into their family home or get entangled financially with a new partner when there's no real benefit and it just complicates things for the future. But that's not what the thread is about. It's about his daughters.

I wouldn't get married OP you have your own assets and your own kids why risk that for a bit of paper? Hus kids were adults when you got together its understandable they don't want to meet, but its very awkward.

OP said it was the ex stopping them seeing her...

I wouldn't have wanted to meet you either , you had an affair with their disloyal father when they were teenagers - a totally unforgiving age !!
I wouldn't marry him he's untrustworthy but then you know that .

It's the fact that he had an affair that's bothering people...and that's he still married to his ex 3.5years after apparently being unhappy with the ex for over a year.... It's been what...5 years? maybe more and he still isn't divorced???

And he's also had a teenage daughter apparently making up a bed on the floor for him... Why would he allow her to do that? It's odd and means the daughter was overly involved in the troubles of his marriage...it's really weird.

This isn’t what was meant by that post OP- it was merely being pointed out that if you have any assets at all, these would currently be inherited in full by your own children in the event of your death. If you are to marry this man, you are entering into the possibility of assets going to him in the event of your death, and eventually to his two daughters who want absolutely nothing to do with you. No one is accusing you of being a gold digger- quite the opposite- you are being warned against protecting your own children’s inheritance.

So - if you're 3 and a half years into the relationship and he waited a year to start divorce proceedings - why isn't he divorced yet? That's 2 and a half years ago!

You will not find one poster on here who tells an OP to leave her DH and kids to move in with another man and have his kids call her stepmum, whilst also not being able to have her own kids at the new place she’s living.

You know for a fact no one on here would tell her to do that.

No one is saying that he shouldn’t have left the wife.
He absolutely should have but why did he need to wait until he found OP (and her home) before doing so?

Do you really think OPs and this man’s relationship would have lasted if OP was living at her parents or was clear that he couldn’t move in?

Do you really think he would have left his wife/family home if OP hadn’t got a house he could move in to?

And apparently he had ended the relationship and was sleeping on the floor for a year before that too.