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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother’s Day - AIBU to say ‘let’s keep it in perspective’ on Mumsnet

132 replies

Cyclistontheroad · 15/03/2026 06:41

AIBU to say to everyone - let’s keep expectations low, keep calm - it’s Mothering Sunday… not your ‘big birthday’ .

a handmade or shop bought card is lovely

a bunch of flowers or a few chocs is lovely.

breakfast in bed is lovely

but so is a hug from your kid… or playing with them…

yes the ‘bits’ are nice but we don’t need them to be appreciated.

you’re appreciated every time they say ‘thanks mum’ when you make the dinner or help them with their homework.

for some, the appreciation might not come until your kids grow up and they become adults and parents - sometimes it is then that the penny drops… gosh mum did so much for me

every Mothering Sunday there is a barrage of posts about how the kids / husband / ex have made no effort into getting things / doing things or have done it wrong as the expectations of Mothering Sunday are really high.

You are blessed to be a mother - many for many reasons never get the chance… don’t get hung up on the trappings and the stuff… no matter how much or how little you receive today it’s just one day and it’s not a true reflection of love and appreciation.

keep it calm, keep it real !

OP posts:
CountFucula · 15/03/2026 06:43

Have you just read the nutcase one about shop bought M&S sandwiches!?! I agree OP. I think though it’s a symptom of a deeper insecurity and feeling under appreciated when women go cray cray over this.

Holdonforsummer · 15/03/2026 06:44

Hear hear. Also, it’s how loved you are every day that really counts. Not how much praise you get in a social media post!

Bringemout · 15/03/2026 06:46

YANBU I think though it’s a bit more complicated than that. A lot of labour women do just isn’t recognised, the saying that men buy their leisure with women’s labour is still true for a lot of women imo. I think for some it’s only the high days or holidays when their families really show appreciation for what they do so it becomes a big deal for them when these days are not what they hoped.

It’s not the day itself imo that is the problem it’s the fact that some feel a real lack of appreciation throughout the rest of the year. If you feel respected and cared for most of the time then a bunch of flowers and a homemade card are just lovely. DD made a lovely one, a lot of effort clearly went into it.

SatinPajamas · 15/03/2026 06:49

You are absolutely right that we are blessed to be a mother! This is my second mother's day after an infertility battle that destroyed my mental health after 15 years of endometriosis making my life a misery. Just being in the mum club makes me feel giddy, last year I just couldn't believe I was finally getting a mother's day, a day I thought would never come!y daughter is a gift and a miracle, I don't need a sandwich platter making by hand to make me happy I could cry with joy just looking at her! People here really do expect too much and are so ungrateful.

ZenNudist · 15/03/2026 06:50

Mumsnet is crazy on mother's day. It's late stage capitalism in action. We've taken a lovely tradition and made it into a consumer trap with a side order of social media pressure. People need to get a grip.

JuliettaCaeser · 15/03/2026 06:53

Hosting in laws who are quite hard work so not going to be a particularly great day for me. Would much rather have a day of peace reading my book! Hey ho. At least MIL will have a nice day.

ThroughTheRedDoor · 15/03/2026 06:53

I feel the same about it for me. But I do understand that others feel differently and it's horrible to see some mothers who want that recognition on this day not getting it. I feel for them.

Although I have missed the sandwich platters drama...

Bringemout · 15/03/2026 06:55

ThroughTheRedDoor · 15/03/2026 06:53

I feel the same about it for me. But I do understand that others feel differently and it's horrible to see some mothers who want that recognition on this day not getting it. I feel for them.

Although I have missed the sandwich platters drama...

Kid bought sandwichs (nic eines from m&s) instead of making them, tbh though I kind of get where she was coming from, she cooks from scratch for her family all the time. It’s when effort isn’t reflected back that pain occurs. I do think she went OTT about it though.

OneTealTurtle · 15/03/2026 06:59

I don’t think it’s your place to tell anyone how they should or shouldn’t feel and how to react.

Okay, well done. It’s not a big deal to you. It obviously is to others 🤷‍♀️

ZenNudist · 15/03/2026 07:00

I want to see the sandwich drama too!

It's like Christmas isn't it. A lot of people want "the best ever Christmas " but so do their families and then you have to compromise and there's a gap between expectations and reality. Mother's day has the same dynamic of needing to see/please family whilst also pleasing yourself.

I have no time for any hierarchy of need be it older mums being more deserving or younger mums. All mums deserve but it doesn't need to be a song and dance.

Womaninhouse17 · 15/03/2026 07:17

ZenNudist · 15/03/2026 06:50

Mumsnet is crazy on mother's day. It's late stage capitalism in action. We've taken a lovely tradition and made it into a consumer trap with a side order of social media pressure. People need to get a grip.

Exactly. The original Mothering Sunday was a religious thing about returning home. We are constantly urged to spend more and more on tat and plastic - Halloween, Easter, Father's Day, Christmas Eve boxes, Black Friday, Christmas jumpers, destination weddings, elf on the shelf etc etc. None of it is necessary, it's ruining the planet and it causes stress. Appreciate the people you love. Be nice to them. Think of others. That's all that matters.

lessglittermoremud · 15/03/2026 07:22

ZenNudist · 15/03/2026 07:00

I want to see the sandwich drama too!

It's like Christmas isn't it. A lot of people want "the best ever Christmas " but so do their families and then you have to compromise and there's a gap between expectations and reality. Mother's day has the same dynamic of needing to see/please family whilst also pleasing yourself.

I have no time for any hierarchy of need be it older mums being more deserving or younger mums. All mums deserve but it doesn't need to be a song and dance.

The op wanted a cream tea, she suggested her favourite sandwich fillings etc.
Daughter the the DH went to Marks and Sparks and brought sandwiches and cakes and the OP was annoyed that they weren’t making them from scratch as she makes all their food from scratch so she wanted similar effort and care.
I’ll be happy with a cup of tea and given the mess my children make every time they are in the kitchen, I would have taken the brought sandwiches 😆

WutheringTights · 15/03/2026 07:22

JuliettaCaeser · 15/03/2026 06:53

Hosting in laws who are quite hard work so not going to be a particularly great day for me. Would much rather have a day of peace reading my book! Hey ho. At least MIL will have a nice day.

Me too. But the beauty of having a dog is that I can legitimately escape. And have a cheeky glass of wine on the way home.

SMM2020 · 15/03/2026 07:24

Agreed…I’ve definitely mellowed about it over the last couple of years. More than happy with a handmade card, some chocolates and flowers which is what I’ve got today. The toddler is sick so my Mother’s Day outing is looking like a trip to out of hours once 111 calls me back, so might treat myself to an afternoon nap once that’s all done. I do think where zero effort is made and the day is not acknowledged at all, I can completely appreciate why that would hurt.

Womaninhouse17 · 15/03/2026 07:33

My friend's DH asked her what she'd like for Mother's Day. Did she want breakfast in bed, presents, taking out somewhere? She wanted him to take the DC out for a couple of hours first thing so she could have a quiet and leisurely morning by herself.

BlackthornBlossom · 15/03/2026 07:37

Bringemout · 15/03/2026 06:46

YANBU I think though it’s a bit more complicated than that. A lot of labour women do just isn’t recognised, the saying that men buy their leisure with women’s labour is still true for a lot of women imo. I think for some it’s only the high days or holidays when their families really show appreciation for what they do so it becomes a big deal for them when these days are not what they hoped.

It’s not the day itself imo that is the problem it’s the fact that some feel a real lack of appreciation throughout the rest of the year. If you feel respected and cared for most of the time then a bunch of flowers and a homemade card are just lovely. DD made a lovely one, a lot of effort clearly went into it.

Edited

This!!

tutugogo · 15/03/2026 07:39

So true op. I’d love just to give my dc a hug but one lives overseas, one is deployed in the navy and dsds are with their mum (dsd would give me flowers when she lived with me). I’d love to have a mil to fuss over but she’s dead and I’m staying with my own mum and dad next week.

PollyBell · 15/03/2026 07:39

Bringemout · 15/03/2026 06:46

YANBU I think though it’s a bit more complicated than that. A lot of labour women do just isn’t recognised, the saying that men buy their leisure with women’s labour is still true for a lot of women imo. I think for some it’s only the high days or holidays when their families really show appreciation for what they do so it becomes a big deal for them when these days are not what they hoped.

It’s not the day itself imo that is the problem it’s the fact that some feel a real lack of appreciation throughout the rest of the year. If you feel respected and cared for most of the time then a bunch of flowers and a homemade card are just lovely. DD made a lovely one, a lot of effort clearly went into it.

Edited

Then you have a relationship problem not a mother's day problem

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/03/2026 07:45

My DH got up with the kids, brought me a cup of tea in bed and the kids brought up their homemade card/crafts. That’s more than enough for me. DH would get told off if he bought me expensive presents as we’re trying to save money and I wouldn’t appreciate chocolate because I’m on a diet.

However, I feel appreciated by my DH all year round. He gets me random treats, he buys me thoughtful presents. Our kids are still young enough to need the help organising and he does it. I don’t need a big gesture today.

I can completely understand why some women want it though and often it’s because they feel so under appreciated. There are some who are just demanding a big fuss though.

Vinvertebrate · 15/03/2026 07:59

DS is currently being punished for a very serious incident in school. (He is autistic and goes to specialist). He is very aggrieved, so he hit me repeatedly and tried to strangle me last night. Tbf he’s very contrite this morning but not a sniff of a card or a thank you.

For balance, I’m feeling pretty envious of all the women lucky enough to be childless rn. I also struggled with infertility and have mixed feelings about what the better outcome would have been. I just have to keep telling myself today is a Hallmark holiday and it will be over soon. 🙏

Passaggressfedup · 15/03/2026 07:59

I got a very soapy card from my adult daughter who is probably autistic and doesn't do emotions (even struggles to hug me). She would have picked it just because she knows it will touch me. So thoughtful and kind. Oh and it came in the post 3 days ago so not even a last minute thought.

I feel so massively blessed already!

Tubs22 · 15/03/2026 08:02

DH went out with the kids yesterday to buy a bouquet of flowers. DD (7) had other ideas, she wanted to pick daffodils from the local park instead, she felt it's more meaningful when flowers are hand picked by your kids. Beyond thoughtful, lovely and a memory I'll treasure forever.

Lemondrizzle4A · 15/03/2026 08:13

Both my DDs are in their 40s and live some distance away from me.
Every year I ask my husband what he is doing for me on Mother’s Day. His reply is “you are not my mother.” My reply is that I’m the mother of his children- never gets me anywhere. 😂😂
I don’t expect my DDs to visit they have their own families. They have both sent me beautiful flowers and humorous cards. It is enough and to be honest just a message to say they love me would be.
All this bleating as the poster says is unnecessary.

Ponoka7 · 15/03/2026 08:17

" no matter how much or how little you receive today it’s just one day and it’s not a true reflection of love and appreciation."
It can very much be a reflection of the lack of love and appreciation, from your partner, when you have pre school children. There are so many women trapped in bad relationships, leave them to vent on here.
MN is ridiculous over processed food and needing to cook from scratch. If a mother posts about exhaustion, she's told her 13 year old should be doing more. The sandwiches are ultra processed and it's really easy to do nice sandwiches. Her DP couldn't be arsed and did what a lot of men fo, throw money at it, instead. She actually didn't deserve the pile on. If she'd have served shop bought sandwiches for an occasion, she'd have got it in the neck on here. I don't celebrity MD for me.
You can bet, no men's forums are telling them they are blessed to have a woman give them children and stop complaining.

Highlandgal · 15/03/2026 08:19

Well said OP.