Mother’s Day - AIBU to say ‘let’s keep it in perspective’ on Mumsnet

[Cyclistontheroad]

AIBU to say to everyone - let’s keep expectations low, keep calm - it’s Mothering Sunday… not your ‘big birthday’ .

a handmade or shop bought card is lovely

a bunch of flowers or a few chocs is lovely.

breakfast in bed is lovely

but so is a hug from your kid… or playing with them…

yes the ‘bits’ are nice but we don’t need them to be appreciated.

you’re appreciated every time they say ‘thanks mum’ when you make the dinner or help them with their homework.

for some, the appreciation might not come until your kids grow up and they become adults and parents - sometimes it is then that the penny drops… gosh mum did so much for me

every Mothering Sunday there is a barrage of posts about how the kids / husband / ex have made no effort into getting things / doing things or have done it wrong as the expectations of Mothering Sunday are really high.

You are blessed to be a mother - many for many reasons never get the chance… don’t get hung up on the trappings and the stuff… no matter how much or how little you receive today it’s just one day and it’s not a true reflection of love and appreciation.

keep it calm, keep it real !

I agree, we don't really go in for Mothers Day in a big way but that is some patronising bullshit.

My ds is away at uni, we went to see him the other week and he apologised in advance that he probably wouldn't text me early on the day as he had a huge night out last night 😁, he did send a card though (I said i didn't want any presents).
I am spending today thinking about the mum of his best friend from uni who sadly died last May. It will be her first Mothers Day without him and my heart goes out to her today.
The big night out last night was after a charity run they do every year in his name ❤️.

And as for the keep calm command?

I'm surprised your OP didn't tell women off for being hysterical.

I love a whole day of celebrating how awesome i am. Bring it on

Absolutely this!!

Every year, there are multiple threads on mothers day about people moaning how their husband hasn’t made much effort

always makes me chuckle

100% OP!

I agree, although my standards are on the floor!

I have a 6 year old and this morning (unprompted) he said he loved me and happy mother's day. My eldest is with his dad and text me at 8am saying how much he loved and appreciated me. To be honest, that's all I need. My children are the best, most loving boys.

On the other hand, my partner had a lie in until 11am, hasn't mentioned mother's day or asked my 6 year old if he had wished me happy mother's day. My son made a card in school, although it is at home and my partner didn't think to bring it (we are visiting his dad). Partner made me quickly choose some £5 gift yesterday but hasn't yet thought to give it to our child to give it to me.

I'm just glad I have lovely children because my partner is a waste of space. However I appreciate it's a partner issue and not a Mothers day one.

I got what I always want for Mother's Day - a card and a bunch of daffodils. There's something lovely about daffs on Mother's Day.

I feel terribly sad today and want to be away from the children. They are 14, 13, 10 and 8 and I think are old enough to either put some thought in or pretend to have been thoughtful. My oldest asked what my favourite chocolate is yesterday and I told him. They gave me somewhat rushed homemade cards this morning. I feel upset with my husband for not nudging them. I couldn't help but start crying as i always make sure the children have little gifts for my husband on father's Day. I was away for work last year on MD so we didn't celebrate it last year. They rushed out to the corner shop this morning and bought some little bits but that's not the point really.
I spend enormous amounts of energy being thoughtful every day on so many levels as I know many other parents do and I only want a little bit of thought in return. I feel really weepy and just don't want to be around them all feeling bad. I just want the day to be over.

Some of the mothers’ day complaints on here do make me think of a colleague some years ago, both of whose adult dcs were spectacularly useless.

She didn’t even get a card from either of them, but even worse was the fact that they both said they’d sent one, but ‘…it must have got lost in the post.’

Useless (workshy among other things) and liars on top.

Yes thats what I said… reading comprehension

Aren't you a delight

You sound nice

My 10 year old and 4 year old brought me a cup of tea in bed and a slice of toast for breakfast and I felt that was lovely enough. They made me a card (DH offered to buy but they wanted to make one) and I couldn’t care less it didn’t cost any money, I loved every second ! 🩷

Let's keep it in perspective, yes.

Which could be that, given the vast amount most mothers do, the toll it takes on our bodies and health, the stress and the worry, the endless life admin that so often ends up being the mother's responsibility, and all the other things...

It shouldn't be hard for a husband to organise the kids to do (with his help if needed) whatever their mum might like, whether that's a lovely lunch out and a gift, or just a nice cup of tea and a handmade card in bed.

Why should women be told if we don't have our expectations in the literal gutter, we're being ungrateful and greedy? Why can't we appreciate every day as a mum, and value the love throughout the year and want a fuss made over us on one bloody day?

I think it's understandable to feel upset if you've had no effort made for you, no cards or small gifts. As let's be honest, mum's tend to take on most of the buftrn then it dad's, its not unreasonable to be made a fuss of for one day.

What gets me is the amount of drama and politics people make of it. About who buys the cards, the horror of grandmother's being bought cards and the sheer outrage some posters have that their husband wants to see his own mother for a few hours on mother's day. I really don't think it's worth half the stress people give themselves about it.

Except picking flowers in the park is illegal…

7 is under the age of criminal responsibility

Oh, that’s OK then. Crack on.

The thing is, many of the women who don’t get anything on Mother’s Day also don’t have any appreciation the whole year round. They’re entitled to feel a bit sensitive on that day.
Disclaimer, I am one of the lucky ones that gets appreciated all year and on Mother’s Day.

It’s still illegal. Being under the age of criminal responsibility isn’t a free pass to do what they like. Under 10s can’t be charged but there are other actions that can be taken or the parents might be accountable.

Ha ha… maybe the parent would be held responsible. So daddio

Totally agree. You can explain to a 7 year old the rules and why it is important to preserve wildlife for all to enjoy. Imagine a parent encouraging this…. And the lesson this teaches. I would feel sick to the stomach if my partner had done this.
i am assuming this means he is happy for people to come and take flowers from his garden.