Mother’s Day - AIBU to say ‘let’s keep it in perspective’ on Mumsnet

[Cyclistontheroad]

AIBU to say to everyone - let’s keep expectations low, keep calm - it’s Mothering Sunday… not your ‘big birthday’ .

a handmade or shop bought card is lovely

a bunch of flowers or a few chocs is lovely.

breakfast in bed is lovely

but so is a hug from your kid… or playing with them…

yes the ‘bits’ are nice but we don’t need them to be appreciated.

you’re appreciated every time they say ‘thanks mum’ when you make the dinner or help them with their homework.

for some, the appreciation might not come until your kids grow up and they become adults and parents - sometimes it is then that the penny drops… gosh mum did so much for me

every Mothering Sunday there is a barrage of posts about how the kids / husband / ex have made no effort into getting things / doing things or have done it wrong as the expectations of Mothering Sunday are really high.

You are blessed to be a mother - many for many reasons never get the chance… don’t get hung up on the trappings and the stuff… no matter how much or how little you receive today it’s just one day and it’s not a true reflection of love and appreciation.

keep it calm, keep it real !

Are mens forums full of complaints about fathers day and the quality of sandwiches served either though? My dad and my husband both forget fathers day is even happening until I tell them it is and say we should plan something, the response is usually don't bother!

....and it hadn't even been Mother's Day uet when they was posted! There was also a huge hissy fit post about a photo shoot with the OP getting irate and nasty with anyone who suggested they might laugh about it one day.

Social media has a lot to answer for. People are bring absolutely brainwashed and it's making people very unhappy.

Ds is autistic and struggles with days like Mother’s Day so we do nothing. He gave me a hug this morning which was lovely. I have seen a card his 1-1 will have encouraged him to make in his school bag and I am wondering what time (or if at all!) he will remember it and throw it at me.

sometimes we can get so focused on the big things we lose track of the little things that really matter

@Vinvertebrate 💐 I hope you are okay.

This is lovely. Have a fabulous day x

“It’s just one day”

yeah, and if the household (so dad if the kids are too small, who apparently loves this woman) can’t muster up a bouquet of daffs and a card on just one day, imagine how shite the other days are

I get your point OP, no one needs a spa day and prepackaged sandwiches are not something to cry over- but ffs, this is just forcing women who are taken for granted to just accept more non-energy and lack of care.

women are allowed to be upset if they don’t get ANY ‘bits’

I doubt men would complain about getting a shop bought sandwich or be posting on a forum complaining about FD.

Are sandwiches ultra processed? I thought they'd were 'just' processed. I've seen plenty of posts suggesting sandwich platters for parties and events before. Maybe the dad in that post thought the fillings on offer were nicer than home made? There's no evidence it was laziness. I cannot imagine throwing a strop over sandwiches!

I hope he stopped her.

Very low expectations here - in fact each year it is an experiment to see how long it takes them to remember. (Single parent 14 & 11 yos) It was after lunch last year.
Dd2 has def got something coz i gave her money for school to get something from PTA, dd1 was in town with her friend and bought something in card factory so 50/50 whether it was for me or a schoolfriend birthday

They are mostly fab kids doing well at school, hobbies, nice people bit messy but very loving everyday - so whilst it would be nice i have to be chilled about it.

The same can be said for Christmas.

Then they need to stop accepting that every day of the week, don't they? What good would some great big show do for one day of the year? It would just be hollow.

I haven't got a single gift today, and I couldn't be happier.

My kids all got together and have written me lovely letters about how great I am as a Mum. That means more than a thousand presents.

I hate mothers day for myself. Have one DS who is 18 with autism and I am quite certain he will have got me a card and maybe something (I don't expect it at all) he has no idea how to cope with it (and that's fine) but his Dad was useless and never taught him anything and despite my best efforts he still struggles. I've just seen him after I got up to sort our elderly cat out and made myself a cup of tea while my DS stood next to me talking to the cat 😂 doesn't even mention anything. But actually you are right OP....he tells me often he appreciates what I do for him, he says thank you for tea every single night without fail and so on. And actually he's good as gold, causes me no grief and very polite, so I'll take that 😁. Dealing with anything emotional, mothers day, birthdays are not his forte but I will be having words as he gets older, if he has a partner and children one day and the treatment and how to see the bigger picture.

Or you could let women feel how they want to on Mother’s Day? Some families go all out, some won’t even celebrate it. Ours is low key, but I absolutely hate to be told to ‘calm down’!!! I might go out and buy everyone lots of treats in spite!!

To a degree I agree with you, in that some of the complaints on here are bonkers. I've voted YABU though, because your OP reads as if we should all put up and shut up, and be grateful for any scraps of appreciation we are thrown. I think often the complaints on these days are part of a wider relationship issue and people should be able to expect better.

You speak as if all mothers are treated with respect, kindness, and gratitude.
Let’s not forget many, many mothers live with vile men who’s attitude rubs off on their children.
These men treat their partners and wives like unpaid servants. They are there to provide free sex, childcare and domestic servitude.
It’s hardly surprising that the women get annoyed when thru don’t even get appreciated on one day a year is it.
I’m taking my mum out for the day to a place if her choosing. I’ve bought her a card and flowers as I know she appreciates it. I’ve also been grateful that my adult dcs have bought me flowers/plants which I can plant out in my garden plus chocolates and a card.

My adult child who lives nearby is also coming with us today.
I’ll be buying my mum coffee/lunch as I’m grateful that I have a mother.

We dont, and have never made a big deal about Mothers day, I'd expect nothing more than an acknowledgement and card(bought or homemade)

We acknowledge the day and go and do something as a family, same as Father's day. We ALL have a lovely day.

Now , as foster carers, we understand how triggering these days can be for our children and their parents.

I do think the posts on social media etc of look how wonderful my MDay has been , with overly the top celebrations, gifts etc makes others think theirs is lacking. Its in the same ball park of how many gifts under the tree, how much an engagement ring should cost (what does the bloke get?)

My two are out! Young adults thriving in their lives, and that to me is enough. They’ve both text and we’ll enjoy a take away together later and they’ve likely bought me a gift.
i bought my mum flowers and chocolates, all appreciated. It has become too much and your right in that people don’t need to go over board as someone is always let down

My “Mother’s Day” was last night. Teenage kids, everyone’s busy today so we went out yesterday evening, had a nice stroll and some nice food. Not sure if I’ve got anything from them or not but I genuinely don’t mind. Spending time together going out is what I really appreciate, and it doesn't have to be on the day either.

I agree. The OP comes across as patronising and it really irritated me - and I’m having a VERY low key Mother’s Day as DH is working away so I’m up driving DS to his football matches which I don’t even do on a normal Sunday!!!

I’m meeting up with friends later so I’ve decided I’ll be making a fuss of us all in the name of Mother’s Day!

The mother in "Mothering Sunday" is the Church..it has become commercialised. A simple bunch of flowers which would normally be £5, will be £15 now. The usual Sunday lunch in a pub restaurant will have doubled in price, same as it does around Valentine's Day. My lovely DM died nearly 40 years ago, because of her GP. We took my mil to an expensive hotel restaurant near where we lived, she complained. We took her for lunch on a Steam Train,mother's day lunch. Ploughman's, I don't eat meat, I had the cheese, she always said she was vegetarian,so we ordered cheese for her. DH had ham..it was very expensive as well you can imagine. She said she would have preferred ham! I said you told me you were vegetarian, she said "yes, but I eat ham". We had the lunch, she said "is there any pudding?". That became the catchphrase,that's how we referred to her from then on.. she didn't actually bring my DH up, she walked out on 3 small kids,, went off with another man. She wasn't cuddly or loving, buying a card was a nightmare.

.

I presumed the Op was convincing herself that effort doesn't matter because she knows there won't be any effort from her children.

@Tubs22 did your DH let her pick them?

You are not wrong!!

I wonder how my MIL feels today. My DH forgot to arrange something despite me reminding him 5 times...